Should both parents assume equal responsibility in
child rearing? What do you think? There's some debate over this. In fact, I
think some people take it kind of personally when they talk about this
subject. I'm Nicholeen Peck. I'm a parenting and relationship
expert and I want to talk to you today about
what makes good child rearing and if it should be completely equal or not.
In this video, we're going to talk about equally investing
in that parent-child bond and that parenting that's happening.
And we're going to talk about who's better at what
and a whole lot more. In my mind, the discussion
shouldn't really be about taking equal responsibility.
The discussion should be about taking equal
or having equal investment in that rearing of the child. Because can
responsibilities ever be totally equal? If there is only one
person that can feed the baby say, nursing the baby, is it really ever going
to be equal for dad when he can't? No. Responsibilities aren't equal but can
people work the whole day long for their families and benefiting their children
and making their child's life wonderful? But it just looks
different. Yeah. They can both be putting in full
investment, equal investment. In fact, I think that's
one of the things that's happening in a really good way nowadays.
There are a lot of fathers and mothers that are seeing this
child rearing as something they're doing together.
Not just something that one person is doing
completely on their own. And I think that's a really strong movement for
society actually. So, equal investment, equal
value in child rearing not passing it off to somebody else.
That doesn't necessarily mean equal responsibility.
So, then what do the responsibilities look like?
Well, let's talk about that. So, we know that we want to put in
equal effort because that's possible. An equal investment because
that's possible. But equal responsibilities
isn't possible. So, how do you divide up responsibilities in child rearing?
Well, I'll tell you what we've done. In fact, my husband and I
are a really good team. We work hand in hand. What we
decided was that certain people were better at some
things than others. So, my husband for instance absolutely
loves to keep things neat and tidy. So, I do plenty of cleaning because I'm
around the house a little bit more than he is.
But if he wants something a little bit more neat and tidy,
he's going to do it himself. When it comes to the children,
my husband is the best at spelling. I am the best at philosophy
and discussing current events and stuff like that.
So, I'm going to be discussing all of the things that are
happening in the day with the children. And my husband
is going to be drilling them on some of their spelling from time to time.
My husband likes to do a lot of manual labor in the yard
and he likes them to learn the skills in the yard that he does.
So, he takes them along with them. My husband likes to
work with tools and weapons and things like that And he's going to teach the
children how to do that kind of thing. Now, I do some of that. I teach my
children archery. He just teaches them how to shoot the
guns and stuff like that and gun safety and all of those kinds of
things. Now, don't freak out because we have guns.
We live in the mountain west and it's just sort of normal here
that people have weapons. Anyway, so we each do things differently. I'm a
better cook. I don't want to eat my husband's cooking. That's just
how it is. So, it's okay that I've taken on the
responsibility of cooking most of the time.
Now, if I'm not around or i'm not in the mood, my husband picks up and does it
whenever it's needed. The same thing happened with diapers
or reading with the children, playing games with the children.
He is there with me all the time when he can be.
But here's the thing: If I have more time in the day with the children,
is that somehow unfair? Yes. It is unfair. It's unequal. And you know
who hurts the worst? My husband. Would he rather work on other
people's plumbing because he's a plumber and work on their pipes?
Or would he rather spend time playing with in reading with his children?
I definitely get the better end of the deal on that, I think.
So, we can't compare investment though because he is out
making money for our family. He's doing the things that make it so that we can
have this enjoyable time together to play, to laugh, to read stories and to
learn. That's a huge sacrifice. His sacrifice is
just as big. If not bigger, maybe even some days than
my sacrifice. Because I get to have so much enjoyable time
with the children. Now, when it's a bad day and the children
are you know maybe acting up a little bit or they need a lot of correction,
maybe people are moody for whatever reason, who might have a
harder day then? Well, me. But does that mean that somehow
he is being mean to us or he's not doing his fair share?
No. I hope you're seeing it's the way you see your relationship as parents
and as husband and wife when you're working with the children that really
makes the biggest difference. I see us as pulling together. Doing
things all day long to serve our children and
to give them a really good childhood and a good
experience. So, I don't resent that some of his
responsibilities are different than mine. And you know
what? He doesn't either. We both lift each other,
carry each other through this journey called parenting.
And we're happy about whatever the other person gets to experience
along the way and we help each other through the struggles.
That's the way that parents can support each other
when they're equally invested. But they acknowledge that there never can be
equal responsibilities. An important thing that you can remember
in order to keep your attitude good is don't compare.
When you compare what you're doing to what somebody else is doing
in that parent union that you have, it's only going to lead to negativity.
Because when you're having a hard minute and somebody else isn't,
you're going to think that for some reason you're being dumped on.
Just don't compare. Because there's some other day
when your spouse could compare their bad day
and think, "You know, I'd really rather do what they're doing."
So, that's just a general rule of thumb. Don't compare. There is such a beauty
and a power in unified parents. Honestly. It has been proven by social
science data again and again that children
who are raised with both parents being involved in their life
and being dedicated to making their childhood a good experience
actually have greater gains. Children are so much more secure
when they have relationships with both of their parents.
So, as you unify together in this parenting journey,
remember your children will have great benefits. Because of the work you're
doing to decide to appreciate the other person
and give your best effort at the same time.
If you've enjoyed this video, I know you'll love the next one
which is How To Parent a Strong-Willed Child.
It's right here in the sidebar. Go ahead and click it.