Hello underachievers!
I have a bunch of announcements and a few life updates.
So, if you don't care about my life, then just skip to this code.
Obviously, first things first:
I release a song called "Kicking Trash".
It's cool.
It's swag.
You can stream on Spotify and there is a music video,
so go check that out!
Secondly, this is something I haven't mentioned on YouTube,
but I am releasing my debut EP,
"Stuff From My Brain" on Friday the September of 10th--
Friday the 10th of September.
There's a pre-save link in the description
and it would really help me out if you pre-saved it and shared it with your buddies!
There's also some super cool "Stuff From My Brain" merch!
We have a new t-shirt, with the "Stuff From My Brain" photo on it
and then we also have lots of signed posters
that I will sign
individually
myself.
So if you want that, click the link in the description.
There's a link for that as well.
It's a six song EP and there are two,
two unreleased songs that you won't have heard!
Unless you come see me at one of my shows!
Which is so nearly sold out, oh, my God!
Southampton is sold out.
London sold out within an hour!
Manchester is sold out.
Bristol has a few VIP tickets left,
because, for some reason, the website screwed up
and the VIP tickets weren't available for some people,
but if you want to come see me
and you want to guarantee that you get to say "hi",
then come grab the Bristol VIP tickets, because there's a few left!
And it's your last chance, really.
Oh, yeah! I'm also playing SlamDunk Festival on the 4th and 5th of September.
If you want to go to the equivalent of the tour in the UK,
then head along to SlamDunk, where I'll be playing!
There's also some like, obviously, incredibly cool bands
that are so much cooler than me that are there,
but I left a link in the description if you want to get tickets for that.
I also started a Discord that Corry made and there are some really cool people in the Discord
and if you're going to one of my shows, there's individual channels for each show,
so you can make friends
that are also going to the same show as you.
And, final announcement.
Not really an announcement.
I got a haircut.
The bleach killed my hair.
And I'm going to a wedding and I'm going on tour
and I just needed a haircut,
so I chucked it all off.
It's all gone.
No hair left.
Now, on to the video!
So, I've been known to make videos about straight people.
I'm just like, really interested in the culture.
I find straight culture very interesting.
I am surrounded by queers 24/7, so at this point,
straight people fascinate me!
And before you get upset about these straight videos,
I'm bisexual, so I also claim
the straight part of me...
Am I allowed to reclaim the straight slurs?
I can't think of any straight slurs!
I've had hundreds of hate messages,
a few death threats
and several comments like this on my labels Instagram,
which is always fun.
But today we're doing something a little bit different,
we're not actually making fun of straight people,
because I have a theory that straight people
are actually catching up.
I think they're becoming self-aware.
Or, at least, this straight boy is.
So I was scrolling through TikTok and this video came up.
And before I show you this video,
I just want to let you guys know that the guy in these videos is a minor.
I don't want you to send hate messages or anything like that or harassment to anybody.
I make videos about, but like, especially kids,
like he's a 17-year-old to like...
Do not comment weird messages or creepy messages.
He has like, over a million followers,
so I'm sure like those comments will get lost, anyway.
But like, either way, just like--
Just don't.
It's a child!
So, here's the video:
Now, this to me, reads as a self-aware straight boy
To me, it's like, very obviously a [ ] take
and I don't know if he's just taking the [ ] in general,
but if he's taking the [ ] out straight TikTok,
I approve of it, of course.
It seems like a joke, right?
But in the comments...
It's another story!
"Help? No one relates to this".
"Are you not embarrassed?"
"I'm so glad I'm a lesbian".
Those are words I never thought would come out of my mouth.
"You watched the video but still thought it's okay to post it?"
And then someone was like, "bad day for being alive".
"How do you go to school after this?"
"What does this even mean?
"How did you come to the conclusion that this script was the one?"
Now, like, I don't know...
Like, I feel like they're kind of not onto the joke.
So, from this initial TikTok,
I got the impression that he had caught up with the gays,
or, at least, you know, he's almost there.
He may be lagging behind a bit.
But then I scrolled through some of those other TikToks
and I'm not entirely sure,
so today I thought it'd be a fun video for us to decide:
Have the straights caught up?
Are they catching up?
Has this straight boy caught up?
Because, obviously, that TikTok I just showed you was a [ ] take,
but I feel like they're bordering on like, "maybe, he's not entirely joking".
So, here's a TikTok about him noticing his girl taking off her makeup:
So, there's nothing wrong with this TikTok!
Just a kid being like,
"oh, my girlfriend gets prettier when she takes her makeup off",
but the looks that he gives the camera...
I identify them as like, "straight TikTok" looks.
A lot of straight TikTok boys try and seduce the camera,
which is something that I feel like, at least the side of gay TikTok,
that I'm on, I feel like gays don't do that.
I feel like we're too self-aware to do that.
But then again, even if he's not taking the [ ],
he's not doing any damage!
Like a lot of straight talk!
A lot!
Oh, God.
Next week's video.
I found the worst man.
I found the worst heterosexual man,
but this kid, he's just, you know, being positive!
"My girlfriend looks pretty without her makeup".
Now, so I looked in the comments and somebody had commented this
and I'm going to blur out some of the information because it's just a weird thing to say.
But this person said:
"Hey, Andrew!
"I know you from school! Proof?
"Your dad's name is..." Blank.
"You have a small dog and you play piano".
That's really weird, right?
I used to get similar comments like that when I was still in school.
I delete them straight away.
And then somebody responded to that comment saying:
"Please, show everyone his videos",
which I feel like if you've got a million followers on TikTok,
people from your school have seen your TikTok.
I feel like these comments are bordering on needlessly mean.
Like they were with Jacob Sartorius.
I made a video called "Leave Jacob Sartorius alone" in like, 2016.
So I was ahead of my time!
But, you know, I just feel like, "teenage boys are cringy".
Every teenager is cringe.
I am cringe.
We're all cringed.
Nothing wrong with it, but I make videos taking the [ ] straight people
that, you know, are saying harmful things or enforcing harmful, you know, stereotypes.
That's my vibe!
I do not vibe with, you know, just being needlessly mean
because somebody's a little cringe.
The comments I've seen on this guy's videos,
bordering on Jacob Sartorius 2016 hate.
Not a fan!
So his next TikTok,
he's given the opportunity to, you know, switch bodies with his girlfriend:
See like, I'm, I'm, I'm-- Like, like--
There's a level of self-awareness.
My immediate response when I see somebody doing this,
like, I'm like, "okay, they understand.
"they understand that they're taking the [ ] out of people that do that".
I think that's what he's doing,
but if you switch bodies with your partner,
would you want to have sex with yourself?
I think that is the question.
If I switch bodies with my partner, I would want to have sex with somebody else.
I wouldn't want to do it with myself.
But maybe that's just a reflection of my body image.
Okay, like, yeah!
He's self-aware!
Like, he knows what he's doing!
Sorry, I know this may be like, not interesting to some people at all,
but I have never been on straight TikTok,
so I have never witnessed a straight boy being self-aware.
I-- That sounds bad.
Like, I just haven't!
So, the fact that this straight guy is like taking the [ ] out a straight talk as well,
that is baffling to me!
Somebody in the comments said: "Wait for that time of the month".
Not that I would wish discomfort or pain on anybody,
but I just think it would be so interesting,
if people born male could just wake up one day and have to struggle with periods.
Like, they would not know what to do!
And, even if they just had it for an hour, they'd be like:
"Holy [ ], this sucks! No more period jokes", honestly.
So, next TikTok is about his first time sharing with his girlfriend:
So, this is one of the TikTok that kind of confuses me,
because I'm getting too many different vibes.
Like, he's still trying to be cute at the end of the video,
but he's also choosing to compare his genitals to a baby worm.
Obviously, the first TikTok I showed you was quite something!
So there's a bunch of TikTok of just stuff like this:
Which is understandable.
I know some people do want to get peed on.
Not me, personally.
I have no desire to pee on anyone or be peed on.
I don't know why I felt the need to let you guys know that I don't want to be peed on.
Just in case you were wondering!
So here's the age old, "oh, my girlfriend calls me 'daddy',
"but sometimes, when I'm around her dad, her dad thinks she's talking to him",
which like, to be honest, I don't think anybody should be calling
a 17-year-old "daddy".
Even another 17-year-old.
Like, I literally hate the Internet, that should not be teenagers,
calling each other "daddy"--
Oh, my God, I've seen like, 14 year olds calling themselves "twinks"!
We need to like, lock parts of the Internet until you become an adult!
Sorry, but like,
who goes for a napkin like this?
"Can I have a napkin, daddy?"
"Oh, yeah, sure, sure".
Like I just feel like--
That's not something I--
That's just not-- It just doesn't.
I don't know why TikTok is the place where
people just visualize their fantasies and just put it in video.
I don't know why that's such like, a popular genre on TikTok.
Because a lot of the time people make TikTok, like:
"Haha, wouldn't it be funny if this happened?
"Haha, I don't want it".
And then they just act it out and it's pretty obvious that they do.
The most confusing thing about this guy is like,
who is his audience?
Because I know there'll be probably a bunch of
like 11-year-old girls that are like, obsessed with him.
But I know that there will also be people that consistently hate watching.
Like, I'm still trying to figure out what kind of reaction he's trying to get
from the people that watch his TikTok.
Like, is he secretly hoping that a bunch of dudes will be like,
"oh, yeah, bro I hate when that happens!
"It's so relatable when my girl calls me 'daddy'
"and her dad answers!"
I would hope and the reason I'm making this video is
because I do genuinely think he's self-aware.
I do think this straight boy is catching up
and I hope that he makes these TikToks because he's making fun of the people
that make these TikToks unironically!
But then, sometimes it still feels like, he's doing it unironically!
Like this TikTok.
Like, is this a joke?
Like, I'm really just confused!
Like, is he being serious?
Like, is this unironic?
Like, is it like-- A bit like, "oh,
isn't it funny when this happens?"
Or is it like, "haha, these TikTok are stupid".
And I know I'm clearly not on his level.
I've clearly not.
I'm clearly behind!
Maybe the straights are advancing past us,
or maybe I just don't understand straight TikTok,
because like, there's TikToks like this!
First off, I hate spit takes, because they're never real
and I hate when people do fake spit takes in person,
because they're like, "oh, wouldn't it be funny if I did a spit take?"
And they think it's funny.
I don't know why it annoys me!
I just hate it so much, like, "no, you did not!
"You did not spit out all of that just because you thought something was funny".
I don't know, maybe there's something wrong with me.
I tend to not even laugh when things are funny.
But like, what?
Like, I don't understand!
Like, I'm uncomfortable!
Like, the way that he's looking at the camera,
because it feels like he's looking at me and I understand that's the aim,
but also like, does anyone really pick up a girl with Jason Derulo lyrics?
I feel like they don't!
And... There's a bug.
I only recently realized that, what you say--
Jason Derulo is saying, that he cheated on a woman
and he wants her back.
Like:
Like, I just like-- I don't think, so--
I know I'm taking this so seriously.
I'm not really, but I am just genuinely upset that a man would release a song like,
"oh, like, I know I cheated on you, but like, me and you were meant
"to be together, we're supposed to last forever".
Like, no.
Like, you cheated. I'm sorry.
What I'm saying is:
I know that this is ironic, right?
I'm saying I know it's ironic, as if I actually do know if it's ironic.
I don't actually know if he is trying to, you know, impress girls in the comments.
But, if I was a girl and someone tried to pick me up with Jason Derulo lyrics,
It'd be a red flag!
I feel silly for even like, remotely taking this seriously,
because, obviously, he's not gonna pick up a girl like,
"But your booty don't need explaining".
But it's this like-- It's this side of TikTok where I'm like...
I don't know why this TikTok is being made.
It's just really confusing to me, because I know that like,
people just make up these weird scenarios because they secretly want them to happen
and then they act them out on TikTok and people are like,
"huh, dude, what the [ ] are you doing?"
But then there's also secretly an amount of people that are like,
"oh, I like that! I like that".
And I don't know if that is his intention or if he's just taking the [ ].
Like, this TikTok especially confuses me.
Like, he obviously has a towel on his head.
Supposed to be... Supposed to be his girl character,
which is obviously a joke.
Like, that part is a joke.
This whole TikTok is probably a joke and I'm just not understanding it, but...
Like, it's funny!
Like, I feel like I'm looking way too deep into this,
because I do, you know, I do want to figure out
if the straight people are becoming self-aware.
But I think maybe this guy's just trying to be funny.
This video just turned into me being confused
about straight people for a solid like, 20 minutes.
Jamp, how long is this video now?
My brain is broken because I truly do not understand.
But yeah, comment below:
Do you think this straight man has caught up?
Do you think he's self-aware?
Or do you think he's not?
I think he is!
Anyway, that's the end of the video!
Have a good day, or don't!
See you later losers!
Check out the links in my description!
God...!
God!
Anyway, goodbye!
See you later losers!
I'm punching you in the face.
I'm punching you directly in the face.
How does it feel? What about these ones?
What about these ones?
You know people box like this?
How you feel if I do that?