(upbeat music)
- Jessica's a girl that you take to the party
and then you don't see her for the rest of the night.
- Never.
- She's gone.
- Then they're always way too loud.
- Or they're really, like, forceful in conversation.
- Jessica loses her phone every time she goes out.
- Every time!
- So annoying.
- Hang on to your phone!
- Ashley, I think Ashley's a club girl.
- Yes.
- You're meeting Ashley, like the club,
something called like Essence or Fire.
- Kelly has Jager Bomb in her blood.
- Kelly makes you feel bad for not going to happy hour.
You don't get off work until 7:00.
Happy hour ends at 7:00.
She still wants you to go.
- Kristens are drunk, too.
- Yeah!
- They drink a lot, like, you're like,
what's up with Kristen?
- Kristens and Jessicas.
- And Kristen's like what's up?
- I'm gonna go out on a limb here
I'm gonna say that every single Kristen
in the world loves the Hunger Games.
- I feel like every Kristen would
die first in The Hunger Games.
- Stephanie's still into like, really into books.
She's in her third year of medical school.
She's like studying her ass off.
- Stephanie teaches at an elementary school in Michigan.
She loves it, she's good at it.
- Stephanies, Stephanies are always pretty funny.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, Stephanie's--
- Smart, articulate.
- I went to church camp with Hannah.
- I feel like Hannah has nice books, though.
She's just got good taste in literature.
- I feel like Jamies are pretty on point.
- The treasurer on the student council,
like she's very responsible, she worked very hard in school.
- I think Elizabeth is regal.
She either has a crown or she is about to steal one.
- You should only be called Elizabeth
if you are the Queen of England.
- I don't know if Elizabeths are that classy,
'cause I know most variations on Elizabeth,
they're like the opposite of classy.
- I feel like Lizzies are really cool.
- Lizzies are down to kick it.
Lizzies are down to have some fun, too.
- And I bet Lizzies can fuckin' just dance.
- Amandas are just really trustworthy,
you want to confide in them.
- But if there's one girl you have
a platonic friendship with...
- [Both] It's Amanda.
- Katies are like an older sister.
Katie is always the cool one in the group,
and like invites you in, makes you dinner, you know.
- I find Katies to be sort of voluptuous.
- Katies are blessed.
- [Voiceover] Marissas are so reckless.
- [Voiceover] Reckless.
- Marissas are reckless, they're hot,
they're dangerous, red flag.
- My theory is that any girl's name who starts
with a V is secretly evil.
Vanessa, Victoria, Valerie,
- Vivian.
- Vivian, seem to be nice, they have
the capability of doing evil things.
- Her name is Rachel, I assume she has a good punch.
I feel like Rachels are fighters.
If I had to build an army, and all the girls had one name,
I would build an army of Rachels.
- Okay, Michelle's ready to go.
- And can like hang out with the dudes.
Michelle will be like that first girl
who's like, shot of whiskey,
you're taken back because it's noon.
- Malika owns a pitbull.
- Yeah, Malika owns a pitbull.
And talks a lot, but she's cool.
- Sarahs with an h, they're like, you know, your sister.
- Yeah.
- Sara with an a--
- Sara a is beautiful.
- Yeah, they get down.
- I think Danielles are beautiful,
and they always date down.
Danielles, you can do better.
- Tiffanys and Kimberlys are probably just MILFs now.
- Yeah, all of them.
- Lauren has great hair.
- Dirty blonde hair that is just, like,
phenomenal looking and smelling.
- I'm still stuck on the Princess Jasmine thing,
so any Jasmine to me is going to be hot as hell.
- Ava.
Eva, Ava, any va, good, good ass.
- That's a good butt name.
- Haven's kind of sexy.
- You know a Haven?
- I do know a Haven.
- She's going to be very happy.
- Isabella.
- Mmmm.
- Just a beautiful woman.
- Madison, ooh, I like that, I like Madison a lot.
- Like strong, yet sweet.
- Madison. I feel like they're genteel.
- You don't really know much about her, but she's chill.
- Yeah, where the hell's Madison?
- Madison, where you at, girl?
- Yeah, Madison.
- Madison, what's up?
- Give us a call, Madison.
- I'm picturing dark, beautiful skin
with a big, nice, natural fro.
- Tot-- right?
- Weakness.
- It's kryptonite.
- It's, man, it'll make you do things.