JAMES: LILY, IN ANTICIPATION OF YOU BEING HERE, WE FOUND SOME
PHOTOORS YOU FROM HIGH SCHOOL.
IS IT OK IF I SHARE THEM WITH THE AUDIENCE?
YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD OF THIS.
LOOK AT THIS. WHO WAS MOST POPULAR AT THEIR
SCHOOL? LILY TOMLIN!
LOOK AT YOU THERE!
LOOK AT THIS! WHAT IS THE LIARS CLUB?
IT SAYS LIARS CLUB. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
LILY: WELL, IT PROBABLY DENOTES A PERSON WHO FABRICATES.
JAMES: OH, IT IS A MEDAL OF HONOR THAT YOU'RE A GOOD LIAR?
LILY: I HAD A NICKNAME OF THE ALBYE ARTIST.
OUT OF THREE YEARS IN HIGH SCHOOL, I WAS CUMULATIVELY
ABSENT ONE YEAR.
JAMES: THREE YEARS SAN FRANCISCO, YOU ADDED THEM UP,
YOU DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL FOR A YEAR?
WHY?
WHAT SORT OF LIES DID YOU TELL? SETH: YET AND ONE OF YOUR MOST
FAMOUS LINES IS "AND THAT'S THE TRUTH."
JAMES: WHAT SORT OF LIES WOULD YOU TELL?
LILY: IT DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION.
I HAD HAVE TO COME UP WITH THEM PRETTY SPONTANEOUSLY.
I DIDN'T PLA PLAN TO LIE. THEY DROVE ME TO IT.
JAMES: OK.
LILY: BY WANTING TO KNOW WHY I WASN'T IN SCHOOL.
JAMES: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
LILY: I WOULD SAY -- ONE TIME I REMEMBER I WAS -- I HAD BEEN
HOME FOR QUITE A FEW DAYS, 10-12 DAYS.
[LAUGHTER] I WAS IN THE BATHTUB AND MY
COUNSELOR, MR. DANIELS CALLED ME AND HE WAS LIKE WE'RE WORRIED
ABOUT YOU.
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN TO SCHOOL FOR 10 OR 12 DAYS HERE.
I SAID OH, MR. DANIELS. A TERRIBLE THING HAPPENED.
I SCALDED MY LEGS.
JAMES: YOU DIDN'T THINK THAT ANYONE WOULD GO CAN I LOOK AT
YOUR LEGS?
LILY: OF COURSE I THOUGHT OF THAT AFTERWARDS.
SO I SAID I THINK I'M BETTER AND I CAN COME TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.
I PUT AIRPLANE GLUE ALL OVER MY LEGS.
JAMES: TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE YOU WERE --
>> LILY: SCARRED AND BLISTERED.
THAT IS WHY YOU WERE THE MOST POPULAR PERSON IN YOUR SCHOOL.
I DIDN'T GO TO COLLEGE FOR THREE WEEKS.
I SAID MY PARENTS WERE GETTING DIVORCED BECAUSE MY MOM HAD BEEN
HAVING AN AFFAIR AND IT HAS BEEN A DIFFICULT TIME FOR ME.
THE TEACHER STARTED CRYING AND SAID WE'RE GOING TO GET THROUGH
THIS TOGETHER.
THAT'S BETTER THAN YOURS. NOTHING NEEDED.
NOW LET'S HAVE A LOOK AT THIS GUY, HIGH SCHOOL.
LOOK AT SETH MCFARLANE, HIGH SCHOOL HERE.
YOU BASICALLY LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME.
BASICALLY THE SAME. YOU'RE JUST WEARING BIGGER
CLOTHES.
PRESUMABLY YOU HAVE JUST GROWN INTO THIS JACKET.
SETH: I THINK SERVICE THAT SEINFELDERA WHERE YOU COULD TUCK
A SHIRT WITH NO BUTTONS INTO JEANS.
IT WAS FUN. IT WAS FUN.
JAMES: A SWEATER INTO JEANS.
WHO WAS DOING THAT? WE HAVE YOU HERE WITH A LITTLE
LADY. THERE YOU ARE THERE.
LOOK AT THAT BIG GRIN.
YOU HAD JUST LOST YOUR VIRGINITY?
I DID IT! SETH: JUST THE SMILE OF BIG
OBLIVIOUS AND WHITE IN THE 1980'S.
JAMES: WERE YOU EVER VOTED MOST SOMETHING AT SCHOOL?
WE KNOW LILY WAS MOST POPULAR.
WERE YOU MOST ANYTHING? SETH: I HAD MOST ARTISTIC.
LILY: I HEARD YOU HAD MOST ARTISTIC.
I REALLY ENVIED THAT. SETH: YOU HAD EVERYTHING ELSE.
LILY: I HAD MOST LIKELY TO SUCCEED.
SETH: AND MOST POPULAR. LILY: MOST POPULAR.
MOST SCHOOL SPIRIT. JAMES: AMERICA'S SCHOOLS SOUND
AWFUL.
WE HAD MOST NOTHING.
WE WERE JUST THE SCHOOL OF MOST LIKELY TO DRIVE A VAN
EVERYWHERE. MOST LIKELY TO DRIVE IN A VAN OR
UNLOAD STUFF FROM A VAN.
EVERYONE AT THIS SCHOOL.
THAT IS HOW IT WAS.