- Heya playas, I'm here with Tripp Kramer
from Tripp Advice, and we're gonna talk to you guys
about different things that guys focus on
way too much that girls don't care about as much.
So, I'm here with Tripp, Tripp,
I wanna introduce you here,
say hi. - Yeah, hey man,
it's good to be on here,
and it's funny 'cause I've seen your channel
for a long time over the years,
and it's just cool to finally be connecting
with you, and talking to your audience,
so I'm happy to be here.
- Definitely yeah, so we're gonna share
a few of the things that guys tend to focus on.
We're gonna talk about that, and talk about
how you can kind of recognize what's important,
and what's not important when it comes to
finding someone to talk to, someone to date,
and someone to just fill the relationship with.
♪ This is The Josh Speaks ♪
♪ You're watching The Josh Speaks ♪
So the first things I wanted to kinda jump into here
mainly is kind of physical attributes, and physical looks.
I feel like a lot of guys put emphasis on things
like height, things like whether they're muscular,
whether they have facial hair, all these different
kinds of physical features
that they end up comparing themselves to other guys with,
and they feel like they're lacking in this,
they're lacking in that, and that kinda holds them back.
What's your kinda take on that?
- So I have a two part answer to that.
Basically, let's play real quick in the reality
that all that stuff does matter, okay?
So I will sit with the guy right now,
and say, "Okay, height matters,
"looks matter, money matters, status matters,
"all these things."
Still, I don't think that's a good excuse not to try,
it's like, why wouldn't you try anyways?
Because you know for a hard fact
that any woman is always looking for those things.
I just, that can't convince me enough to ever
not to try, okay?
So I'll just say that, but let's go into
what the reality is.
The reality is is that yep, women want a guy who's tall,
yep, women want a guy who has money,
yep, women wants a guy who's successful,
yep, women wants a guy who's good looking,
yep, women wants guys with six pack, there you go,
they want that, 'kay?
However,
however,
and here's the good news,
is that even though they would love to have those things,
that's not necessarily what's
gonna get them attracted, okay?
So first off, when a woman finds a great guy,
she will rationalize all the reasons
why that stuff doesn't matter, okay?
There's a ton of examples of women who have dated
losers so to speak, guys who live with their parents,
or who aren't successful, or nothing going for them.
Of course, those guys don't end up lasting long,
and the result, gonna be a breakup from that,
but that happens all the time.
I see couples all the time where the guy is short,
and the girl is tall.
I see lots of guys who are not super successful
in what they do, and still being able to meet women.
I see guys who are pretty chubby, pretty chubby,
and they're dating beautiful women.
So, how is this happening?
Of course, I'm gonna see probably in your YouTube comments,
"Oh, he has money", and all this stuff.
Yeah, I'm sure yes, that happens from time to time,
yes, women will go for guys because of money specifically.
But why is this happening,
all these examples that I've seen?
It's because that all that stuff that I said there,
like all that kinda superficial stuff,
while a women would love to have a guy who has all that,
really, it's a guy's personality, and behavioral traits
that make the biggest difference in attraction, okay?
So, it's the way he behaves.
Women are wired to be attracted to a guy
based more on his personality, rather than his looks.
Do looks help?
Yes, does money help?
Yes, all that stuff helps, right?
A girl's not gonna be like, "Aw, he's successful and tall,
"forget him" no, she's gonna love that.
But that's not necessarily what she needs
to become attracted, and I've seen this time and time again.
Okay, so you have to develop your personality,
you have to develop being fearless,
how to be charismatic, how to talk to women,
and how to show them that you are a secure man.
That you don't care about those things.
Now listen,
if you're five feet tall, you live with your parents,
and you know, you need a nose job.
Like, is that gonna be more of a struggle for you?
I'm gonna be honest, yes, it probably will be,
it probably will be versus Brad Pitt, right?
Right, but you can still work on your personality,
work on your charisma, and be able to attract
a quality woman, it is possible.
- Mm-hmm, yeah and I think that
one of the problems I think is that
we always kind of, we focus so much on our own
limitations, and then we use that to justify
why we won't do something, why we won't talk to someone,
why we won't put ourselves out there,
why we won't you know, accept that there's rejection
or failure along the lines of trying something new,
or just you know like, taking a chance.
And I think that, what I've experienced a lot
in talking to a lot of my viewers and subscribers
is that you know, a lot of them tend to be
in the high school range, into college range,
so they're in that process of discovering themselves,
figuring themselves out.
They haven't quite nailed down what they wanna do
with their lives, or who they are,
they're still developing their identity in a way.
And I think a lot of times, there is a lot of
comparison, you know, whether it's your parents
putting pressure on you.
"Oh look, these kids are successful,
"these kids are getting college degrees, and you're not."
There's social pressures like kids are going off to parties,
and I don't really have friends, so I'm gonna stay
in my dorm, and just study, or watch TV,
or something like that.
So you know like, there's a lot of kind of
external things that people observe,
and they kinda just focus on the internals,
and say like, "Well, I don't have this,
"I don't have that."
It's like, "I'm just not good in comparison to them."
What's your advice on kind of gettin' over that
negative thought process? - Well, the values are
different when you're in high school, and you're in college.
You know, I mean,
girls and women are still girls and women,
they're gonna be attracted to the same things
I discussed, but you know,
when you're in high school, you know,
you're almost like bred by society to go for
the more superficial stuff.
That's why you see you know, the popular girls
getting with the popular guys.
And then in college you know,
I don't know,
it depends on what kinda college you go to
but some colleges are really small,
and it almost acts like a high school once again.
And the values are different, you know what I mean?
It's more about like, who you know,
and how cool you are in that stuff.
It's just, you're living in a little bit
of a different reality
before 22, and after 22, I say 22 'cause that's
mainly when people graduate college,
and go into the real world.
It's like once you're in the real world,
that stuff doesn't really exist anymore,
you know what I mean?
Like, you can just be whoever you wanna be,
and if you're that guy who like I said,
has a good personality, is charismatic,
is fearless, has purpose and mission in his life,
knows what he wants to do,
you're gonna be able to attract a woman.
You know, like it's gonna be possible for you
where it might be a little bit harder
when you're in high school, and in college.
So my advice to some of the younger guys is really
do your best, you know?
Like, opt, just optimize all the different
areas of your life, right?
It's just like,
try to be the most physically attractive you can be,
do your best to find you know,
do your best to find out what you wanna do with your life,
and taking the classes that
you know, will lead to that.
You know, do your best to build hobbies and friends.
So work on all that stuff so you're not like
oh no, now I'm 22 thrown into the real world,
and I don't have any experience with anything, right?
And continue to still talk to women.
Okay, you know what?
It might not happen, you might get rejected
a lot more potentially, but still,
you're gonna get that skill under your belt.
And also, I don't think you're gonna get
rejected as much as you think, you know?
'Cause I'm being very general when I say that
the girls in high school,
who the popular ones go for the popular ones,
and oh you know, the girls in college
only wanna go for maybe the jocks there,
or the people in fraternities.
Like, that's a generalization.
You could absolutely still be able to attract
a high quality girl in those cases.
But you're not if you don't even go out there, and try it.
So go out there, work on, like work on your social skills
more than anything.
So then by the time you're 22, and you're like,
"Okay, now I'm in a big city" or,
"I'm in the real world", you're gonna have that skill
under your belt to be able to go and approach,
and talk to women.
You know, like having that skill
with maybe having been rejected 500 times
in the past like, six years is still amazing.
I work with clients who are 30 years old and older,
40 years old and older, and they're coming to me
because they don't have that skill under their belt.
So imagine being able to rock that out at 22,
so don't think like,
"Oh, I'm getting rejected now,
"oh, I haven't grown into myself yet,
"oh, I don't know what I'm doin' with my life."
And let that all be an excuse to not at least
try to build yourself in this time,
don't waste any time.
- Yeah definitely, and like
my core message on my channel too is like,
work on being your best self.
And I just see your best self as kind of constantly
improving, and growing, and fine tuning the things
that you want, fine tuning your identity.
And identity comes up a lot because you know,
a lot of my subscribers will talk about
things that they like if they're into like,
anime or video games, Fortnite, and all this
kinds of stuff, and there's always a hesitancy,
or they're just fearful of kinda sharing that
because they're always afraid that they're gonna be
considered geeky, or weird, so kinda,
what's your take on people just
like, talking about the things that they're
genuinely interested in?
Is it, are there some topics that girls
just don't wanna talk about at all?
Is there something you should kind of like,
learn more about?
Should you learn more about the news, or sports,
or any of these general kinds of topics
so you're better at conversation,
basic conversational skills?
- Just whatever you like, own it.
Own it.
The second you're insecure about it,
or you're hiding it, you're gonna be
communicating to the other person that it is
something that's stupid, or nerdy, or weird, right?
Like if you say to a girl, you're really shy,
and you're like 17 years old, and you're like,
"Yeah, I play Fortnite, it's kinda stupid,
"yeah, I play Fortnite."
It's like, well then it is stupid.
If you think it's stupid, then it is stupid
but the thing is, you don't think it's stupid
'cause you play it.
- Right. - So why are you
saying that, right?
So own whatever it is, like own.
Now also, another tip that I give the guys is
you should know a lot about everything.
Like, use the internet where you can just go,
and just read headlines for the day,
go on reddit.com, and just like get interesting information
off of that website.
Yeah, go check out headlines, and just learn
a little bit everyday,
and get to know what's going on in the world.
So yeah, maybe you're not into sports,
learn a little bit what's going on with sports,
and politics, and whatever,
whatever topics there are.
Like, 10 minutes a day brush up on some things
so you can have things to talk about
if it comes up 'cause you might find things
that are interesting even though maybe
it's not like, your hobby.
But then with your hobbies,
whatever they are, if you think they're geeky,
they're only as geeky as you communicate them to be.
You know, and you'd be surprised like,
there is girls out there who
play video games, and
you know, it's like to me, I don't know,
maybe 'cause I'm older now, and maybe 'cause I'm
in the real world, I'm not sure what it is,
but I feel like nothing's geeky anymore.
It's like everything is kinda cool
because everything has a little like, cult
around it, you know what I mean?
Like, nothing's really that geeky anymore.
A lot of people are doing a lot of interesting things,
so it's like just go with it,
you can maybe even meet girls within that realm,
and if not, just own it.
- Yeah, I mean like, I'm a huge wrestling fan
and it's like I encounter girls
that love wrestling, girls that don't love wrestling,
so you know, I'll talk about it with the people
that care about, people that don't care about it,
I'll find something else. - Or girls that neutral
about it, and they're like,
"What, what are you, like what, like WWF, or wrestler,
"what's going on?" - Yeah, yeah (laughs).
- And then you're just like, or WWE whatever,
and you just tell 'em, you go,
"Oh my God" you know, and you kinda tease 'em about it like,
"You don't watch wrestling, oh my, you're missing out,
"you're missing out.
"Okay let me tell you about this, it's so cool."
And explain to her why it's cool,
she might still be like, "Nah, I'm not really into that."
Okay fine, so she'll never be into that whatever,
or she might be like, "Actually, that is kinda cool."
You know, explain to her, sometimes if you explain to people
why something is fun,
than just saying, "Oh, it's fun."
Like, why is Fortnite fun?
Why is wrestling fun to watch?
Like, what is it?
You know, some people might say wrestling like,
wrestling's fun because it's a story,
it's like you're watching an ongoing soap opera.
But instead of it being a soap opera
about relationships, and family,
you're seeing people fight each other.
So you're seeing all this cool action
with the storyline involved, and that makes it interesting.
Sometimes explaining to people why it's interesting
gets people understanding,
"Oh you know what, I guess that's not so geeky anymore"
or, "That's not so weird anymore."
Because they understand it. - Yeah.
- So if you can communicate in that way,
that's really cool too.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah and one more thing
I kinda wanted to dig deep into
is that you know, I think as people
are kinda growing up, and they're moving through
their kind of discovery phase of life,
their early 20's or so,
they're figuring out who they are.
You know, and then do encounter let's say
rejection, or failure, they didn't you know like,
get to do the thing that they wanna do,
and they might find themself in a career or job
that they don't care about, or they don't love.
A lot of times people tend to dwell on their past,
dwell on their past mistakes, dwell on their failures.
I mean, even from your own experience
it's like, when you were younger
to where you are now like,
looking back at how you were then,
how has your mindset kind of shifted?
And just in your interactions
with everyday people as you've gotten older,
how have you seen you've grown and changed as a person?
- I think I just accepted myself for I am more,
and cared less about what people think, you know?
I mean even now a guy might be like,
"Oh cool, like Tripp's a dating coach.
"Like, that's cool."
You know, there's a lot of people out there
who don't think being a dating coach is cool actually.
There is a lot of people out there
that think it's really weird, and people who don't agree
with it, it's a very controversial,
and polarizing profession.
So I'm not dealing with just like,
"Oh look at me, look what I've done,
"look what I've created."
You know, I still get people back lashing,
but I don't care because I love it,
and I think it's cool, and I enjoy doing it,
and I believe I'm good at it.
So all of that confidence just shows through.
And I'm not looking to convince other people,
or yeah, I'm not looking to convince other people
that I'm a cool guy because I just know that I am
because I believe it.
Not from external validation, but from inside,
from my own thing.
Now of course, that's not just like a you know,
doesn't happen on whim like that,
I had to grow into that.
I think that took time.
The good news is whoever's still listening now,
now that you have that awareness that it takes time,
you gotta start working on that stuff now, you know?
And being okay with who you are.
How do you do that?
I mean, it's a long process,
but I think understanding
that everyone else feels the same way that you do,
and we all have our insecurities,
and even the most powerful people in the world,
or the people you think are the coolest
still have issues.
Like sometimes you hear about these big actors,
these big name actors like Robin Williams,
or Heath Ledger who you know,
end up like, taking drugs, or committing suicide,
and you're like what?
That person?
Everyone loved you, everyone would race to the movies
to see you perform.
You were rich, you could have any girl you wanted,
what's the deal?
Well, it's that not everyone is cut
from the same cloth, we all have,
or I should say really the opposite,
we all have our own shit, you know?
So, stop focusing on other people, and focus more on you,
focus more on you.
And also, a friend told me this the other day is,
and this is what I would say,
focus on you for a while, focus on learning how to like
yourself, respect yourself, prove to yourself
why you are a cool person.
And if you don't think you are, start doing things
that are interesting to build self esteem.
That's gonna be creating goals, and accomplishing them,
that's the fastest way to build self esteem.
And do all that, and then after you're done with that,
start focusing on giving,
giving to the world.
So you know, balance it out with okay,
I feel good with myself, let me start working on
how can I give to the world?
How can I help other people?
'Cause that has been proven time and time again,
Tony Robbins talks about this a lot.
He's a really famous personal development guru,
and he talks about the number one thing
that he believes leads to happiness
is by offering something to somebody.
By giving value to the world,
helping in any way, shape, or form.
So you're not just focused on yourself,
but you're focused on other people.
And when you're focused on giving to other people,
the last thing on your mind is you know,
how insecure you feel because you're only five six,
and you want to be six feet tall,
you know what I'm saying?
So I kinda said a lot there,
I know it's not really knitting
with like, kinda what to do first,
but I just wanna get some of those concepts out,
and tell guys you know,
that all this stuff can be worked on.
It just takes a little bit of time,
but starting now, you know?
And accomplishing things. - Yeah, absolutely.
I loved that you mention the giving piece
because what I've learned that in giving,
there's always three people that benefit.
There's you who benefits from helping others,
you feel that in your body.
There's the person who's being helped,
and then there's everyone else who's watching that.
So that kindness kinda spreads out
to everyone else that's observing kindness.
So it's like, if you get in that process
of just helping others, and in the process
of being your best self, and just kind of putting
yourself out there, going after what you want.
It's like, everyone wins, you know?
All the boats rise, so
hey Tripp, thank you so much for jumping on here,
and talking about these things.
I'm really happy to have you on,
and I'm happy that we can kinda talk more about
bettering yourself, and getting out of your mind,
and not dealing with negative thoughts,
and stuff like that, so.
- Yeah, cool man.
Thanks for having me, appreciate it,
and you know, for all the guys out there
that are watching this, that are young,
you said you have a young audience.
Life gets harder, but it gets better, just remember that.
Right now you go like (groans)
if you're thinking like life sucks,
and high school's hard, and college is hard,
and no one likes me,
I get it, it's a tough time, I was there.
You know, but it gets better.
Challenging in different ways, but I'm 33,
and I have way more life to live,
but since you know, since high school 'til now,
I just know that
things start falling into place if you're focusing
you know, in the right areas.
So if you're gonna be focusing on personal development,
and listening to Josh, and all the awesome stuff
that he has to say, and you're actually implementing it,
life will get easier in that sense.
So just don't give up, and don't think that you're
completely lost, and you're not gonna find your way,
just don't give up, it gets better.
- Awesome stuff man.
Alright hey, thanks for coming out again,
and hopefully we'll talk again soon.
- Thank you. - Alright, see ya.