I just uh I just started kind of doing
this the stand-up thing right so like
you know I used to I used to write for
this show called 30 rock I love writing
they're nuts but I when I started doing
stand-up I was like I don't really know
what I'm doing I'm gonna I'm gonna talk
to Tracy about I was gonna add Tracy
what what who do you have any tips for
me cuz I'm just starting to have any
tips he's like yeah man talk about
Peters's big I was like what he's like
yeah man talk about Peters's dudes loved
it man talk about penises I'm getting
there I'll tell you a story man what
time I had broke it into this just asian
girls dorm room at Rutgers University
and I fell asleep and they woke me up
and they said Tracy you're supposed to
be on in five minutes
it doesn't have no material so I just
said it for 45 minutes I talked about
penises for 45 minutes do that do that
man so I did that you know I didn't know
anything like okay I miss Tracy morning
I'm listen to him so I did that I talked
about penises and people loved it was
good and went well and then like
afterwards that dude was like hey hey
Chris wants to talk to you I was like
who is like Chris Rock ones talk to us
like what Chris I love Chris Rock Chris
Rock was like my idol right so I'm like
yeah I go up to him I'm like oh yeah I'm
excited it what you think he was like
what the hell was that
I was like I don't know he's like cuz it
look like you went on stage and said for
45 minutes and he ripped into me man he
ripped into me and that broke my heart
cuz I love Chris Ryu's to do his bits
all the time he has a famous bit called
you know n-word versus you know black
people and I love that bit but I wasn't
allowed to say the n-word in the house I
wasn't allowed my parents wouldn't let
me say the n-word so I just did black
people versus vampires instead I was up
there you know telling jokes like
there's two camps two camps going on
there's black people and vampire the
vampire got to go everytime black people
want to have a good time eating it as
vampires gotta ruin it for everybody
can't keep my blood bank open brand open
wrinkle you wanna know the worst thing
about vampires the worst thing about
vampires vampires can't be in the Sun
boy you can't have no vampire friend and
then take them to the beach
I got pretty good at it I got pretty
good at it
you know I didn't yeah I just I I didn't
say to n-word I didn't say I wasn't
allowed I didn't start saying until like
eleventh grade right that's when I
started decided to say to N word and by
then you you miss your n-word motor
skills you can't say it right like it
would Center I would walk down the hall
people a what something I'm like hey
what's up I die I know you're black but
it's that hard hard man you know some
people some people can't save and wear
some black people cannot say it it's
true
can you imagine seal saying and we're
know right you can't have seal at the
Grammys talking everywhere
you can't have that you can't have like
Obama up there just talking in judges
like giving a press conference or
something like that and just have it
turn into def Comedy Jam or something
he's like as we stand here today there
are still some Americans who don't
believe I have their best interests at
heart and I'd like to put those fears to
rest today
but before I do then I'd like to talk
about how be trippin be trippin
especially when be around
because be wanting to go to the
Cheesecake Factory and they be getting
their cheesecake with blueberries
strawberries and caramels and I'd be
like that is expensive
you