all right guys get the hate mail ready I
mean really get them ready get your
fingers on the keyboards here we go
I don't like Shrek you heard right
I don't like Shrek do I hate it no no I
think there's some funny moments
absolutely but I thought the movie I was
gonna get was gonna be a lot funnier a
lot darker and a lot more creative which
is not to say this film doesn't have any
of those elements it does it has bits of
those elements but for what I thought I
could get it for what I did get I just
think it's really lacking so how can I
be such an uneducated cold-hearted
bastard
I'll tell you after the story Shrek
voiced by Mike Myers is an ogre who
lives in the swamp he enjoys scaring the
villagers and being just an all-around
disgusting creature that is until one
day a bunch of fairy tale characters are
suddenly thrown into his swamp the
reason is the ruler of the land played
by John Lithgow doesn't enjoy them
anymore wants them out of his sight when
Shrek goes to complain the ruler sees an
opportunity
you see he's looking for a bride and the
prettiest one he can find his Fiona
voiced by Cameron Diaz who's a princess
locked in a tower he convinces Shrek
that if he goes and saves her he'll get
rid of all the enchanted elements in his
swamp shrek agrees and is accompanied by
a donkey voiced by eddie murphy so the
journey is on to fight off dragons Robin
Hood and rescue the fair maiden who
turns out may have a few secrets of her
own okay so what don't I like about this
film that has since nowadays become like
the ultimate staple in movies to show
your kids yeah like I guess people
really show this to their kid I'm a
little disturbed by that but and it
could be worse so what's my main problem
with Shrek I can tell you in one word
boring most of it is just listening to
Mike Myers and Eddie Murphy talk and I
just don't think it's funny
everyone was going on and on about Eddie
Murphy in this movie I was getting
really excited to see him and just oh
it's gonna be fun we can stay up late
swapping manless stars in in the morning
I'm making waffles walls really that
that's your big clincher I'm not even
sure I get it it's because he's a donkey
and has hooves and can't
make waffles what's the joke there's a
scene where shrikes trying to talk about
how complex he is by comparing to an
onion and you know what else everybody
like puffy have you ever met a person
you say hey let me get some parfait they
say here no I don't like no parfait
parfaits are delicious
no you dance irritating miniature beasts
of burden odors are like onions
end of story bye bye see later Oh
I don't find it funny this is scene
where they're crossing the bridge and
look at that oh I'm sorry
do what oh yes yes yes do it okay ah I'm
sorry I'm trying I mean I really want to
like this movie but every time I see it
I just fall asleep now don't get me
wrong
the scenes are funny are really really
funny like for example I like the scene
where the mirror is talking like a
dating show host the gingerbread man in
general is pretty funny
that sort of weird theme park that's
sort of a slam at Disney World I got
some laughs out of that I just wish it
was doing more humor like this the
satire humor it was anything they had to
focus on the characters I wasn't really
getting into I just didn't find the
characters that interesting or that
funny or even designed that uniquely I
surprisingly don't have a problem with
the dark stuff either and maybe that's
because I never really saw these as kids
films I saw saw him as older children
and adults and yeah like I said I think
it's a little weird that people show
their little kid this but I'm fine with
the darker humor where she sings and
blows up the bird that had me laughing
on the floor and then what they get do
with the eggs is she gonna raisins and I
know she cooks on that's [ __ ] great
more of that please more of that but no
what do we get we get the princess and
Shrek misunderstanding and they go and
mope and dope and go this is just as bad
as the liar revealed bit why are you
supposed to feel bad here you know
exactly what's gonna happen they're
gonna realize they were idiots and get
back together
oh yeah the stupid dumbass pop psych
just ah I know I know I'm probably being
too harsh out it but it just feels like
there's a really smart inventive crew
behind this
and I want to see more of those jokes
instead of these really not that
imaginative characters but now I will
say this about the character's story the
moral at the end while done to death is
executed great I thought this was the
fairytale ending that a lot of other
Disney fairy tales should have had it
adds a unique twist but still makes them
really happy and it really serves the
moral of what they're talking about in
that sense I actually think the movie is
great to show the kids I think it gets
across the message much stronger but I
still got to sit through onion tug and
bridge talk and fighting the dragon oh
yeah there's a female dragon liked that
better para got a big laugh I guess
female dragon huh okay her game together
with the donkey is pretty funny but the
yep that's a lot of build up for just
that one joke I guess in the end I don't
really hate the film because there is
some genuinely funny stuff and I think
there is some very unique ways of
delivering its story in its message I
guess I was more just shocked at how
much people were taking to it like this
was a brand-new way of looking at film
and I don't know I've seen this stuff in
Simpsons I've seen Disney sort of do it
and it just didn't seem that new or
avant-garde to me and on top of that I
guess I didn't see it as funny as
everyone else did either but clearly I'm
missing something because people fell in
love with this film people still love it
they still watch it a million times and
it's like this big wonderful classic but
I guess it's just not my flick now
strike two on the other hand we'll get
to that awesomeness later