- Today, we ask the age old question.
- Will a pizza roll?
- Let's talk about that.
(gentle, upbeat music)
- Good Mythical Morning.
- And welcome back to the week of Megacality!
(Link laughing)
Now, there are a plethora of snacks that come to life
with just a few minutes in the microwave,
or oven, for you intellectuals out there.
And one of the treats has been scalding mouths
and filling tummies for decades
is the mighty Totino's pizza roll.
- Not a sponsor.
All right, do you have a go-to Totino's pizza roll flavor?
- Completely off the top of my head,
I know that they have cheese, cheesy taco,
combination, pepperoni, pepperoni trio, sausage,
supreme triple cheese, triple meat, nacho cheese,
buffalo chicken, cheeseburger, spicy taco,
bacon and pepperoni, and macaroni and cheese with bacon,
but be honest, they all kind of taste the same to me.
- (laughing) Okay.
And even with all of those flavors,
we assert that Totino's, y'all could be doing even more
and you're playing it way too safe.
So we're gonna take pizza rolls to the next level!
It's time for-
- [Both] Will it pizza roll?
- So to qualify as a pizza roll,
the dish must have a dough pocket.
- Uh-huh.
- Cheese or cheese-like filling.
- Uh-huh.
- And some other chunky substance innards.
- Oh, yeah, say innards again.
- Innards again.
- All right, let's get to our first one.
Pizza rolls have solidified themselves
as a quick daytime, dinnertime, and late nighttime snack,
but they have yet to take on the most important time
of the day, breakfast time.
Now, we could have gone with a classic bacon,
egg, and cheese, but that's not pushing it far enough.
That's the world that Totino's might be living in,
but not yet, so we're pushing it all the way
to the best cereal ever, Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Pizza roll-afying that.
Presenting the cinnam-Totino's crunch.
Josh, what did you do?
- [Josh] So, we took a cinnamon flavor dough,
rolled that out, stuffed it with a mascarpone ricotta
and condensed milk fillings-
- Mascarpone.
- [Josh] Gotta have milk with your cereal
and then there's a cinnamon sugar coating on it
and then a cinnamon butter sort of drizzle.
- So you mean all this time,
that I've been saying it marscapone
and I don't say it very often,
but I said it at least six times in my life.
I've been wrong all six times?
- [Josh] I watched a lot of Giada de Laurentiis.
- Oh, Giata.
You know she says it right.
- [Josh] She loves the spaghetti.
(Rhett laughing)
- [Both] Dink it and sync it.
- Oh, it made a squishy noise.
- That was the mascarpone.
- Uh-huh, and now my face is making a happy noise.
- We should call Giata and tell her about the mascarpone.
- [Josh] Bravo, signore Rhett.
Bravo.
(Rhett laughing)
- We did meet her, but she didn't give us her number.
- No.
She was nice, but she's not like,
I'm gonna give my number to you nice.
I mean, that would be.
- I didn't ask her for a number.
This is great.
Let's focus.
This packaging is begging to be sold.
I mean, I don't have to tell you
that this is absolutely fabulous.
- I'm surprised that they don't have a breakfast snack
or breakfast version.
The thing is is that you get into like,
a binge-watching situation.
You pop in Totino's.
So sometimes on a really, really lazy weekend,
you start binging-
- I can't even get it into my mouth.
- You start binging in the morning and you keep binging
all through the day and into the night.
These would work all day.
You could just sit there eating these all day,
not even getting up.
Just peeing into a little cup.
I've done it.
- Yeah.
- You can't poop into the cup in the room.
Let me tell you that right now.
Don't do that.
That never works, unless you have a really solid top.
- Solid top. - Yeah.
- If that doesn't make you hungry, I don't know what will.
- Very tight top. (laughing)
- [Link] Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Will it pizza roll?
- [Both] Yes!
- You know where it's not only pizza rolls,
but all frozen snacks could improve?
- [Both] Fish.
- (laughing) Because outside of fish sticks,
what do they got?
They got nothing, that's what they got.
- Nothing.
- So if we're gonna make an iconic frozen fish
and pizza roll combination, it's gotta be from a beautiful,
nationally established franchise where you can get fish,
shellfish, and out of this world biscuits.
Oh, yes, it's gotta be Red Lobster.
We now grace you with the cheddar bay piscuit rolls.
Piscuit.
It's like pizza and some biscuit together.
- Oh.
- [Rhett] Josh, what did you do?
- [Josh] So we took cheddar bay biscuit dough,
rolled that out.
That is the shell.
Is that what it's called?
- That is the shell.
- That is a good start to any sentence.
- [Josh] Right?
And then we were inspired by the endless shrimp feast
at Red Lobster, which did not make Trevor poop his pants
and that is slander, if you say he did.
So that's Walt's shrimp, coconut shrimp,
garlic butter shrimp, and then shrimp scampi.
- Who is Walt?
- [Josh] If you don't know.
- If you know, you know.
And if you don't know, you don't know.
And this is a butter dipping?
- We're dipping in some butter.
Should I know who Walt is?
I don't.
- Walt Disney loved Red Lobster.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
- I don't know.
- Walt Whitman loved Red Lobster.
- I wonder if this is a gateway drug.
- Walt Chamberlain.
- Maybe a gateway food.
- Loved. (laughing)
- For kids to get comfortable with eating shellfish.
- And if you hold it to your ear,
you can hear the indigestion.
- (laughing) This is so good.
- [Rhett] Man, Josh, you did it, man.
- I love shrimp.
- You've done it.
- I just need to come out and say it.
I don't know what it is.
You know if I can order shrimp on a burrito
or shrimp on a stick or something like that,
I'm gonna order the shrimp.
- Well, you need to become a spokesman
against the shrimp trawl boats.
Whatever you call them.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, they're just ripping up the ocean floor.
Maybe you could be the face of anti.
I love shrimp, but I don't love ripping up
the bottom of the ocean floor.
- Are you making us sad? - My name's Link.
Yeah, I'm trying to ruin shrimp for you.
- I was in cheddar bay biscuit land.
- I saw you enjoying yourself
and I wanted to give you a dose of reality.
- Come on, man.
- Sorry, man.
- That happens with everything now.
- Yeah, everything's been ruined.
- That's what 2021 is all about.
- I'm not arguing with it.
You know, you're right.
This is my last shrimp ever.
A great way to go out, though.
This is amazing.
- But would it change anything,
if we decided to call this seaman's delight?
- Yeah, it kind of makes it.
I'm not gonna say.
- Don't say anything else.
Red Lobster, will it pizza roll?
- [Both] Yes!
- The Mythical Kitchen is always cooking up a good time.
Subscribe to their channel for shows like Meals of History,
where Josh and Emily team up to recreate dishes
from super old menus.
You can also listen to the latest
A Hot Dog is a Sandwich podcast to hear Josh and Nicole
and their culinary hot takes.
It gets hated over there.
Not too heated.
It's a friendly little back and forth.
Available wherever you get your podcasts.
- All right.
You know when you're really hungry for dessert,
but you can't decide between cookies or ice cream?
Cookies, ice cream, cookies, ice cream,
until that was solved with the iconic chipwich,
which is ice cream sandwich
between two chocolate chip cookies.
- Right.
- But then that created the chipwich pizza roll conundrum.
Chipwich, pizza roll, chipwich, pizza roll, conundrum,
which we're gonna solve right now
with the chipwich and roll.
- I kind of think that you just created
a conceptual conundrum just for the sake.
- Just to kind of solve it.
- Your own argument?
- Yeah, just so we could justify this exercise.
- It's common.
Create an emergency and then seize power. (laughing)
- Josh, it looks like you've doused chocolate chips
all over a dough pocket
that I would guess has cream cheese ice cream inside.
Maybe some cookie bits.
- [Josh] Was Rhett talking about
counter-insurgency strategy?
- No. - I wasn't listening.
- I don't have any plans.
- [Josh] Yeah, you're right.
Cookie crust, cream cheese ice cream in the middle,
rolled in chocolate chips.
Microwave for eight seconds, just to take the chill off.
- Microwave for eight seconds?
- So it's still cold.
- Like riding a bull.
Is that how you timed it?
You watched a rodeo?
- [Josh] No, we got a bull in the parking lot.
That's what all the poop is.
It wasn't Trevor. (laughing)
- It was a bull.
It was bull poop.
- I was gonna pull it apart.
- [Rhett] I think I'm just gonna bite it.
- Is it hard?
Dink it and sync it.
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's gonna hurt your tender a little teeth.
- Oh.
Look at that cream cheese ice cream in there.
- This kinda strikes me as a cannoli without the leakage.
- Oh, a leak-less cannoli.
- [Josh] They said it couldn't be done.
- It should have been done.
- It does look like one.
- Because every time I eat a big cannoli.
(crew laughing)
Every time I eat a big cannoli, sometimes it just.
- I'm not taking the bait.
- [Josh] You gotta suck and bite at the same time.
- Suck and bite at the same time.
- [Josh] That way, the filling gets an evening out of you.
- Because you don't wanna do this
and then have it squirt out.
- [Josh] No.
- Yeah, you don't wanna do that.
So you solved that conundrum, a real conundrum.
- I like.
So it's a self-contained system of canoli experience,
which even without the grand tastes that I'm experiencing,
makes this amazing.
- You could have gone to nine to 10 seconds.
Get a bigger bowl next time.
- You know what?
- [Josh] Rub your hands on it.
- I'm starting to get concerned
that maybe we're not pushing this far enough
because all of this is amazing.
There's just so much white space in the Totino's world
that here we are three rounds in
and everything's just an obvious gift to society.
- Really, to Totino's.
- Chipwich, will it pizza roll?
- [Both] Yes!
- Does this ever happen to you?
You've been craving pickles,
but you just know the juice must be contaminated
with other people's finger flavor by now?
Well, never fear.
Now, you can get all that salty, wet goodness
in just minutes flat
without the worry of Jim Bob's finger residue.
We now present the pickle roll.
- Oh!
- The pickle roll!
- [Link] Josh, what did you do?
- [Josh] You could've just said Josh's finger residue
because I go real hard in that pickle jar in the kitchen.
- Okay, we did not need to know that.
- [Josh] And so we've made a dill pickle crust,
instilled with cornichons, bread and butter pickles,
kosher dill pickles, spicy pickles,
and a little bit of cheddar cheese.
- Cornichons.
- [Link] Cornichons.
- It's just a small pickle.
I've been calling those cornich-ions.
I mean, I get everything wrong.
I learn so much on it.
- Cornichons.
I wanna call this Totino's pregnancy rolls.
They don't get you pregnant,
but they make you happy that you are.
Right there on the bottom.
- But what if they could get you pregnant?
Listen, fertility is becoming a big issue.
I think it's the plastics in the ocean, that's in our food.
Fertility is just, I hate to be that guy-
- No, you are the guy!
- But fertility is dropping off a cliff.
We're in children of men times.
Pretty soon, it's gonna be like
the freaking "Handmaid's Tale".
- How are babies made now?
- By pickle rolls! - By Totino's.
- These things that they made on this show a while back.
I don't know how it works scientifically, but.
- I think you have to.
It's kind of like a tampon situation.
- Yeah, it's a suppository.
- Oh, no.
- You can supposit at any place.
- Okay.
Okay.
- [Stevie] Seaman's delight.
(Rhett laughing)
- That took us there.
Let's dink it.
- Yeah, I don't want to eat it now. (laughing)
- And sync it.
Oh, that is a pungent pocket of peculiar pregnancy.
- Mom, do you know what I learned
on Good Mythical Morning today?
Did you know you can get pregnant?
Did you know the world is ending because of shrimp?
- Something to do with trawling.
- Shrimp and plastics and fertility
and Links said these little green things
can make you pregnant.
Shut up, Junior!
That's houses all across America.
- This is not bad.
This is not bad.
- Yeah, I kind of like it.
I like pickled flavored things.
- I don't think I'd want to eat more than two,
but I'm not pregnant.
- [Rhett] Right.
- [Link] And I don't wanna get pregnant.
- [Rhett] I love the dill dusting.
I love the color.
How do you get the color to be that?
- [Josh] Green?
- Yeah, that green.
- You know, a little bit of green.
- Add a little green.
- [Josh] Sometimes a lot, though.
- Is this gonna be a queen sweep?
I don't know.
Pickle.
Will it pizza roll.
- [Both] Yes?
- Barely.
If someone's describing dish
and they talk about how the person who made it
really put their foot in it,
that is most definitely a good thing.
- Yes.
- But does that mean that we can apply that phrase literally
in a pizza roll with an assortment of animal feet?
- Yeah.
- Let's find out with Toe-tinos pizza rolls.
(Rhett laughing)
- Emphasis on the toe.
- Box!
- Oh.
- That's how you emphasize the toe.
Well, it doesn't say it on there.
(crew laughing)
- [Link] Could have put the E.
- It's for you to emphasize.
- Twinkle thingies.
- They can't change their brand.
- Yeah, that's true.
- It's just, it's all in the commercial.
- [Link] Animal feet.
Oh, gosh.
- So we've got chicken feet,
pickled pigs feet, and frog legs.
Not just frog feet, frog legs?
- Are we missing anything?
- [Josh] That is correct, yes.
The feet were technically in there, as well.
What you're missing is that these were foot essenced
by Trevor in a shamanistic ritual.
He waved his bare feet near them
to waft the essence in like a truffle-scented rice.
- It doesn't smell.
I don't get that Trevor essence
or the feet within essence yet.
- [Josh] Do you want Trevor to come essence table side?
- No, I do not.
- I'm gonna bust one open busted open.
- [Rhett] Bust it open.
- [Link] It's almost like pureed.
Is there any bones we should be aware of?
- Oh, gosh, why is that?
- [Josh] I sure hope not.
- What is that super pink part?
Is that a pickled pig's foot?
- [Josh] That is a pickled pig's foot, yes.
- And limburger cheese?
- [Josh] Yeah, they say it smells like feet.
- I think you gotta seal this one back up
and them you gotta pop it fully in your mouth.
I don't think you can get a bite of this.
I think you've gotta do full pillow in the mouth
and if the, hey, listen.
If this works. Yeah.
- Big if.
If this works, not only will it be a queen sweep,
but I think we can market these directly to podiatrists
to sell in their waiting rooms.
(crew laughing)
- Yeah.
- You're sitting there thinking about your own feet.
Getting a little hungry?
- Yeah, put it together.
- Oh, we've got Toe-tinos pizza rolls.
- You could also do it in a pedicure place.
What's that called?
- Nail salon.
- Oh.
(crew laughing)
- Yeah.
Hey, you learned something today, too.
- What did you learn?
- To shut up about being such a downer.
- I learned how to pronounce cornichons and marscapone
the other way, which is the correct way.
You learned the world is ending and what a nail salon is.
(Rhett laughing)
- All right, let's get it over with.
Dink it and sync it.
- Crunchy.
Could use a sauce.
It's a little dry.
- Yeah.
I mean, there's a lot of breading.
That does help.
You're kind of waiting for the other foot to drop.
- Yeah.
This is like something you have to eat.
You know what I'm saying?
Somebody says this is all we got and you need calories.
- Think about the ad sense money rolling in on Wiki feet,
if these were in the side columns.
- Oh, gosh.
That's a good idea, too.
- [Link] That's the place to sell this.
- [Rhett] So we got a market.
- Because they're the ones salivating over the feet.
- So we know the market.
We've done the market research.
We gotta work the taste.
- There's an opportunity there.
It doesn't taste good.
- Yeah, it's horrible.
- It doesn't taste.
I mean, it's not repulsive. - Listen.
- I'm not like- (retching)
But I'm not like.
- It's all about the marketing, though.
The product doesn't have to be good.
The product just has to be bought.
(laughing) Marketing 101.
- Turn it on itself, like feet never tasted so foot.
- Yeah.
Yeah, that's not good, but that's a good place to start.
- I just can't.
We can't yes it to get the queen sweep,
just because we can wrap it in marketing.
- I think we can, though. (laughing)
I think we hold that kind of power.
I think we can make people think things about this
by manipulating them.
- All right, I think that needs to start
with it actually tastes pretty good.
- It's pretty good.
- I kinda like it.
- Yeah, it's a little rustic.
- Animal feet.
Will it pizza roll?
- [Both] Yes!
And the queen sweep!
You did it, Josh!
- [Josh] No, we did it!
- And it was honest.
- [Josh] Yeah.
- An honest queen sweep.
- [Josh] Last one took some work, but yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Thank you and thank you for subscribing
and clicking that bell.
- Totino's, call us or just take credit for all of this.
- Yeah, we don't care.
- We'll know what's up and you know what time it is.
- My name is Ali McSwain and I just produced something
that you might enjoy.
- Remix that.
Remix that.
(gentle, upbeat music)
And now it is time to spin the wheel of Mythicality.
- We did enjoy that.
- Nice!
- Thank you for that.
Click the top link to see which crazy situations
we would actually roll with in Good Mythical More.
- And to find out where
the Wheel of Mythicality is gonna land.
- [Nicole] Ketchup is a smoothie.
- [Josh] Yeah, I put ice in my cereal.
So what?
- [Nicole] That makes no sense.
- [Josh] A hot dog is a sandwich.
- [Nicole] A hot dog is a sandwich.
(both laughing)
- [Josh] What?