and we're quite excited that our next guest is making his Network television debut with
us tonight he can be seen in Boston at the comedy connection on October 3rd and 4th please
welcome the very funny Dane Cook [Music]
thank you very much yes I am uh I am very very excited to be here I I'll tell you a
little about myself when I was a little kid I was a terrible speller I could not spell
so my Mom and Dad tried to help me out they got me a little helper a little friend a little
Aid they got me a little red box called speak and spell you remember me yeah speaking spell
no no they shouldn't have called it speak and spell what they should have called it
speak like the devil remember the voice hey I oh yeah [Applause]
no no way nothing was evil that thing used to wake me in the middle of the night play
with me
ABCDEFG I will kill your family
I'm I'm eight years old I spell great I talk like a freak I'm like what is wrong with me
Mom what yeah
[Music] yeah I had that I had another game it was electronic when you started this off
you were genius by the end of this game you're a complete loser it's called Simon okay wait
it was round it had four colorful cubes all you had to do that's it it wasn't easy though
this was any kid having a game of Simon here it is ready
[Laughter]
booby boo boo big boob s
[Music]
[Applause] help me
[Applause] wasn't easy because I had to share everything I had growing up with one brother
Five Sisters that was I had to wear a bra just to fit in thank you hi if you have brothers
growing up too that's one thing Brothers growing up you got like you know noogies wedgies I
had Five Sisters what did I get makeovers
they used to dress me in their clothes and send me to school in their Fashions I'm the
only kid in eighth grade wearing jellies nice nice remember jellies made me get a rock in
and be like
foreign
Monopoly there's a game everybody had and I don't care who you are you did not like
the game and it's simple why it's simple because this is anybody two and a half hours into
a game of Monopoly ready here it is
I have a life
when I was little my dream all I wanted to do was take karate I used to run around my
house mm-hmm
and I begged my dad I was like Dad please can I take karate come on but he was cheap
my dad was a cheap old man what he did is my sisters were taking a free aerobics class
he sent me to aerobics with them and told me it was karate
I believe that and I got like a fight after school with some kids I'd be like you want
to do it come on let's go let's go come on yes come on come on let's go you are going
down way downtown
all right
thank you get to protect yourself I wish I I wish I knew karate because especially at
night like ATM machines scary you walk up like Mission Impossible you walk up to them
you lean against it you know you you pretend you're hitting more buttons than actually
you need to in case somebody has like a telescopic lens you're like I have a 14 digit code
I don't like when you get those loud machines to let everybody know how much money you're
getting you put in the amount it's like
it's just 20. all ones
you can't be in a good mood you can't be all happy walk up to the machine in front of a
crowd of people be like entering my PIN English withdraw one hundred dollars [Applause] [Music]
I'll tell you this before I go to I went to a school with a couple of my sisters and that
was kind of odd one thing girls would do to the guys in school girls in class would make
those paper things [Music]
pick a number please four one two three four color please pick a color
purple p-u-r-p-l-e you've got cooties thank you very much
[Music]