Okay, let's solve the mystery. Why don't kids listen to their parents? I've got
3 great ideas that are going to help you be a better parent. Let's solve a
really big mystery in life. Why don't kids listen? Right? Like, what
happens? What's the... What's the communication gap that happens? You know,
how you probably have said this where you said, "I've told you 10 times."
You know, how as parents we... We count like how many times we tell our key had
something? First, we think as parents like there's some magical number of like how
many times we're gonna tell our kids before they finally listen? You know, it
doesn't even matter. They don't count, we count. But why is it that they're not
listening? Well, let's find the 3 reasons or the 3 things you can do
to be able to help your kids listen to you.
Okay, let's address a very important first step.
Are you using the right language? Now, I'm not saying to use more tough,
aggressive language. No, I'm saying are you coming down to their level and
talking their language? You see, kids are younger than you, right? They're less
developed than you. They don't think like you. And yet, we as adults talk to kids
like they're adults. They are not adults. They don't think like adults, they don't
process like adults, they don't talk like adults. They... Just there's nothing the
same. You are here, your child is here. There is a gap. A really big gap between
understanding and communication and making sense of things. Your kids
actually need help understanding. So, depending on... (Did I spell that
right?) Who cares. I don't know if I spelled that right. Look at that. But I
just want you to know there's a language barrier. There's a
language barrier between us and our kids. And so for us as we are talking to our
kids, we need to come down to their level. And that there are really little kids, we
need to come down to their level. My 17 year old... I talked to my 17 year old
differently than my 25 year old. I'm not going to talk to them the same. And when
all my kids were younger, you know, they had quite a number of years between each
other. So, if I was talking to my 15 year old, you know, my 9-year old and my
5-year old, those are three different conversations. If you want to be
understood, this is you. You want to be understood, you need to come to the level
of the person you're speaking to. You need to come to their level. Change the
way you're speaking to them. And more than likely, you need to slow down in
what you're saying. You think everybody else processes information as fast as
you process it. And they can hear as fast as you're speaking, they don't do it the
same way you do it. Just like going to a different country. They speak a different
language, you're not going to be understood until you learn their
language. You went to their country. Kids are their own countries. They're just
their own countries. And you're coming into their country, learn their
language. Connect with them and understand how they speak and how they
interpret things. Number 2 to help you with kids listening to you. --Is when you
have something to share with your child... And let's say you're giving them an
explanation of how to do the dishes, you show and tell how the dishes are to be
done. Not just tell. This is where we as parents we get a little messed up. We
think we can just tell people what to do. And even other people. We show and tell
and then we ask them to show us what we just showed them. We
show, tell and show. And that completes the process. Because if I take my son
over to the sink and I say, "Okay, I want you to do these dishes." Well, when I come
back, you know, like 10 minutes later and he's using cold water to wash the dishes,
no soak. And he's also using a a well used washcloth. And he's just rinsing
them off with cold water and sticking them on the counter with no towel to
drip on, we now know that the family is probably going to get sick from some kind
of stuff left on the cups and dishes, right? But all I said was do the dishes.
But if I go over and show him and I explained how it works and I get it all
started. But then I stop back off from it. Maybe even drain the water out that I
just used and I said, "Okay now. You show me what I just taught you." And now, I can
find out what he heard and what he missed. This piece right here. That piece
right there. You have your child then start to do the activity. Either cleaning
the room or cleaning up the bathroom or doing the dishes or putting their
clothes away. You show them how to do it, tell them how to do it. And then they get
to demonstrate that they were listening to you. And right there, they right in
front of you will show how well they listened. And if they miss something, then
you can go and correct the part that they missed. But a parent who gives
information to their kids and then walks away thinking that they got it, because
the kids still stand-in there staring at them. Kids don't listen. We have to help
them listen. And then help them take that X action so we can see how well they
learned. Powerful. Show, tell and show. Okay, the next one is this. Explain to your
children why. Why do we wash with dishes with warm water? Why do we fold
our clothes? Why do we pick up our dirty clothes off the floor and put them in
the hamper? Why does your backpack go on the hanger and not in the middle of the
kitchen floor? Now, you most likely are going to have to repeat that information
most of their life. And when I see parents who get all frustrated and put
out because they have to repeat themselves, I wonder if they forgot what
parenting is. When your child lives with you, be a great teacher. Or I'll tell you
exactly what's going to happen. If you get all upset and you think your
children are supposed to be perfect and do everything right because they're
supposed to hear you the first time and do it all right, you know what's going to
happen when they get old enough? When they get old enough to move out, they're
not going to want to talk to you. Because you're not a good teacher. They're
going to consider you someone who is a nag. They're going to consider
you as somebody who's critical. And so we are parents and that makes us instant
teachers. And as a child's growing up and we learn their language and we show tell
and show. And they show us after we show and tell. And we explain why, some kids it
settles in and it makes sense to them. Some kids it takes longer. All kids are
developing different stages. Their children, right? They're all in
development stages. And kids are not fully developed by they're 12 years old.
Kids are not fully developed when they're 17 years old. That's why they're
called teenagers. They're still kids. You know even 21. 25 year-olds are still
learning. And so I really believe as parents, we need to really be...
Very conscious here that we are teachers for their whole entire life. And we
repeat what we taught them. We keep showing them. I have 2 of my boys
right now who are married. And when they come over to the house and
we're all having dinner together and I said, "Hey, will you do the dishes?"
I'm still going to go over and go, "Okay, remember you use warm water. hHere's the
soap." And they kind of look at me like, "Dad, you taught me all my life." But it
sure makes the experience better because I'm still in the place of being a
teacher. Now, if you're a parent and you're disagreeing with me right now,
you're thinking, "No. Kids need to figure this out and they need to learn this so
I don't have to repeat myself ever again." Okay. Wait till your kids grow up. And
then you see what happens. I've mentored a lot of people and I hear what parents
wrestle with as their kids get older. And they don't have a good relationship with
their kids. You are developing a relationship with your children. And
you're developing a relationship that you are a great teacher. And so for the
rest of their lives, if you if you be a good teacher,
then what happens is that they will come to you for advice. So, come share with you
what's going on in their life. They'll share. They'll stay connected to you.
But I have mentored so many parents who struggle in their relationship with
their kids and then they find out it's because they had expectations that their
kids were supposed to learn it one time. We're parents. And we teach our kids. So,
explain to them why it's important of what you're teaching them. Have them show
you, after you did the show-and-tell. And find their language. Find how they talk
and how they think. Each child is different. Each child is unique. And
parenting is a beautiful experience. Someday your kids grow up and they leave.
And you hope always that your kids will come back and stay connected with you.
That's what it's all about. It's all about being connected and having a great
relationship. But to be able to help your kids listen, there's 3 great steps
that I've seen parents change their ways and take on these 3 steps. And Wow,
it changes things for the better in such a short time. I
know, being a parent is the crazy experience, right? Well, I would love to
train you on more about how to be a great influence on your kids. And so
number 1, subscribe. Definitely subscribe here to the YouTube channel so
you can get more training coming to you to support you in areas of your life
that you can adjust and get better. So, subscribe. Step number 2, go to my
website at threekeyelements. And look into a program I have that's called
Royalty and Romance. It's about husband and wife and now it's
a it's a relationship class.Iif you not into a relationship class then go check
out Master your Influence. Both classes are powerful to be able to help you be a
great parent. And so here at 3 Key Elements I just want you know we're here
to support you in your life getting better.