- Now as, now as any dude in this room has ever had any,
um, uh, Erectile Dysfunction before?
[audience laughter]
Little E.D.?
Every bodies batting a thousand, really?
All right.
Lady's point 'em out-- No.
So, no one here's ever taken a Viagra or Cialis?
Is it just me keeping that billion dollar business going?
It's all on.
It's a lot of pressure.
It's all me!
I took a Viagra.
I'm gonna tell you why I took one.
And why every dude in this room needs to take one,
all right?
Fellas, listen up... focus 'cause daddy's talking.
I did the Las Vegas Comedy Festival this past year.
And in the V.I.P. Lounge in Caesars,
they had a block of ice with a hole cut in it.
[audience laughter]
That's not the joke, but you all are dirty
and I like that-- You know what I'm saying?
It's all good.
And the event was sponsored by a certain kind
of vodka company.
So, what they did is they poured the vodka
through the hole and by the time it got to your glass,
it was nice and cold and it was free all night.
Okay, yes.
That tells you how my evening went, all right?
So, I get back to room with my lady, Caesar's Palace,
jacuzzi suite, overlooking the strip.
We ready to do it.
We get to the moment and...
he wouldn't holler at me... at all.
And any man that's ever been in that position, like,
for some reason when you can't function...
it's kinda like trying to put like a marshmallow
in a coin slot.
[audience laughter]
Well, how'd you all get the joke then?
All right.
So, I got a homeboy that goes back and forth
from Miami to Mexico.
He's like, "Dude, I go to Mexico three times a week.
They don't have some prescriptions down there
and get some Viagra.
And that will never happen again."
I'm like every dude in this room, this room.
You know your male chromosome kicks in like,
"Man, I don't need no Viagra.
But give me one... for-for research."
[audience laughter]
and I'm gonna tell you this... every dude in this room
needs to take a Viagra one night in his life.
And the reason is very simple.
It's because for one night... in our otherwise boring lives,
your woman will be scared of your [deleted].
[laughter and applause]
Don't laugh and don't clap.
Here me now.
You [deleted] is pumped up like it just watched
"Remember the Titans" or something.
It's ready to go.
It-- and if you're black like me,
it looks like the top of a snickers bar.
There's veins going through it.
[audience laughter]
If your white it looks like a New York City transit map.
It's red and blue and--
[audience laughter]
Don't ask me how I know that.
It was a crazy night.
And I'm gonna tell you this, fellas, some real talk.
Fellas, whenever you have an erection that beautiful...
and that powerful you gotta say something really cool
right in the moment.
And I looked at my ol' lady.
I looked her right in the eyes and I said,
"What can brown do for you?"
[audience laughter]