-Thank you very much, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome
to "The Tonight Show."
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you very much for being here.
We have a great show for you tonight.
Bruce Springsteen is here in studio.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I saw Bruce backstage. I said,
"Thank you so much for being here on the first night
of Hanukkah." And Bruce said,
[ As Springsteen ] "Jimmy, for the last time, I'm not Jewish."
[ Laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] Let's get to the news and jokes.
Well, guys, things aren't going too well
for President Trump lately, but that didn't stop him
from throwing a party last night. Watch this.
-Overnight, President Trump hosting a Hanukkah party
at the White House using the holiday gathering to once again
falsely claim he can still win the election.
[ Laughter ]
Ah, yes, the festival of lies.
[ Laughter ]
Even the dreidel was looking at Trump like,
"Damn, this guy spins more than I do."
[ Laughter ]
I like how everyone whipped out their phones
to record Trump like it was a drunken fight
in a Waffle House. Like,
"Oh, this is going to go viral. This is going to get some hits."
It's probably good that Trump talked about the election.
I feel like him winging the story of Hanukkah
might have been worse. It's like,
[ As Trump ] "For eight nights,
Jewish Santa would visit all the good little Kushners."
[ Laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] Speaking of the White House,
I read that once Trump moves out,
officials are going to disinfect the whole building
before Biden moves in. -Yes!
[ Laughter ]
I have a feeling this is going to be necessary
with or without COVID. [ Laughter ]
There's a half-eaten Baconator between the cushions here.
"Turn on the black light. Good God! Oh, my --"
-Eww! [ Laughter ]
-"My retinas are burning! Oh, my --"
Biden's going to be the first president to be sworn in,
then spend the next week crashing at a La Quinta.
Apparently, the CDC told Biden it would be safer
if he just moved into a bowling shoe.
That doesn't sound -- That doesn't sound right, does it?
[ Laughter ]
Speaking of Biden, I heard that he might take
an Amtrak train to his inauguration,
which is slightly different than what other presidents have done.
That brings us to our new educational segment called
"Presidential Inaugurations: Betcha Didn't Know!"
-Joe Biden might travel to his inauguration by Amtrak,
but betcha didn't know Jimmy Carter
traveled to his inauguration
by shooting himself out of a cannon.
♪♪
This has been "Presidential Inaugurations:
Betcha Didn't Know!" -Yeah, it's amazing.
I didn't know any of that.
Listen to this -- a pharmaceutical company
had to issue a recall after two of their drugs got mixed up.
Let's see which ones they were.
-There is a recall this morning after a drug
used to treat depression somehow got bottled up
and sent out with the generic form of Viagra!
[ Laughter ]
-People knew something was up when, well...
-Hey! -...something was up.
All right? Ah, come on. [ Cymbals playing ]
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, the people in depression commercials were like,
"Why do I have the sudden urge to sit in an outdoor bathtub?"
[ Laughter ]
Samsung just announced its new 110-inch microLED TV,
and it costs about $155,000.
Yep, so now you have a 110-inch TV playing
while you scroll through Instagram on your phone.
[ Laughter ]
Can you lower that?
And finally, I saw that Jay-Z just launched
his own premium brand of weed called Monogram.
It must be good. Today, Jay-Z was like,
"I got two problems and forgot the other 97!"
You know, some things happen to you in life,
you just go, "Oh, my gosh,
I love that that just happened
because you just made me so happy."
Well, last night, we just got home from doing our show,
and everyone just started sending me texts and they go,
"Dude, Dionne Warwick just tweeted at you."
[ Laughter ]
So Dionne Warwick is on Twitter now, and she's like owning.
She's running Twitter right now. -Yes.
-And it's so fun. And it's her. And she tweeted,
"Does anybody know if Jimmy Fallon will be doing
the Christmas Sweaters countdown this year?
I love those wretched things."
[ Laughter ]
Dionne Warwick.
I flipped out,
and then I tweeted back to her,
and then she tweeted back to me again.
-What? -Yeah. And then I tweeted
back to her again. And then I guess...
Did you send her a playlist?
-Oh, she got that? -Dude, she got that and said,
"A playlist from Questlove and a sweater from Jimmy Fallon.
I'm a happy lady, I can go to bed happy" or something.
I'm like, "You are the greatest."
My dad...
I called my dad after that happened
because she performed on his aircraft carrier,
the
And trust me, I've heard this story my whole life.
And that's the whole story.
But I think he saw her even backstage and just said
how nice he was and all this stuff.
So we've always been fans.
And my dad said, "I took a photo,"
and it's so great. This is so my dad.
So I go, "Yeah, you have a photo of Dionne Warwick performing?"
And this is 1968.
So it's one of those cameras
that have the cube flash, the spinner.
So this is my dad's photo, he says, of Dionne Warwick
performing on his...
[ Laughter ]
That is his photo of Dionne Warwick,
and it was cool. I mean, I have photos like this,
too, at concerts where I'm like, "Oh, my gosh,
I'll never forget it." But he really never forgot this
and talked about it all the time.
And so I thank Dionne for just being awesome
and all the jams. She's unbelievable.
And I love you, Dionne Warwick, so much.
You just made my whole night and world last night.
So thank you for bringing up the sweater.
We whipped up a special sweater just for you, pal.
One of these wretched sweaters.
Check your mailbox 'cause this guy's coming.
Oh, look at this.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Only you can rock this, Dionne.
Only you could rock this sweater.
You'll make it look good, and we love you.
And thanks for thinking about us and tweeting about us.
Be well, pal. I hope to see you and talk to you soon.
We have exactly seven shows left before we go on Christmas break,
which means it's time for that beloved
"Tonight Show" tradition.
It's time for 12 days of Christmas sweaters!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪ 12 days of Christmas sweaters ♪
♪ Seven days left ♪
-That's right! Every show between now and Christmas,
will be giving one lucky audience member
a sensational Christmas sweater
from the countdown to Christmas cabinet.
Since there are seven shows left,
let's open door number 7.
[ Drum roll ] Go for it.
All right. Let's look at it.
Beautiful. Oh!
Wow!
That is...
That is something else. That is something else.
Yeah, literally, I think it might be something else.
All right. Let's see who's going home with tonight's sweater.
Everyone look at your seat number.
If I call your number, come on down.
Quest, can I get a drum roll, please?
-Yeah. [ Drum roll ]
-It is number...
364!
♪♪
-Hey!
Oh, my goodness. Look at this.
Congratulations, you've won tonight's Christmas sweater.
What is your name, and where are you from?
-Jenny, and I'm from Jersey. -Jenny from Jersey!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Jenny, would you mind trying that on for us right now?
Is that okay? -It's my favorite color.
It really -- Oh, my gosh.
You are going to love this.
There's no right way to put it on.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, your head can go in that way.
It doesn't really -- They are sleeves.
That works. Yes. Oh, this is --
Already I can tell. Jenny?
Yes, just stop there. That's perfect.
Jenny, it's almost too -- Yeah, it's perfect!
Look at how beautiful. Yeah. Look. Lookit!
This is what I'm talking about.
Yeah. Come on, now!
Jenny, look at that.
You should be our model for all these.
Congratulations. Thanks again to Jenny,
our lucky audience member. Stick around.
We'll be right back with Bruce Springsteen!
Talking about Jersey? Come on!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪