AS I SAID BEFORE, IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY.
WHEN LOVE IS IN THE AIR, AND WALGREENS TAKES DOWN THE
CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS FOR, LIKE, TEN MINUTES BEFORE THE EASTER
CRAP COMES OUT.
AND PEOPLE LOVE TO GIVE EACH OTHER VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS.
BUT EVEN THE BEST VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS DON'T ALWAYS NAIL IT
ON THE FIRST TRY, WHICH IS WHY TONIGHT WE'RE TAKING A LOOK AT
SOME EARLY EFFORTS IN OUR SEGMENT "FIRST DRAFTS!"
♪ >> NO, NO!
STUPID!
♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AS ALWAYS ON FIRST DRAFTS, WE NEED SOME HELP FROM THE
AUDIENCE.
IS THERE A COUPLE?
A COUPLE TOGETHER?
COME ON UP!
YOU, TOO, FELLA!
GET UP THERE!
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
THERE YOU GO.
WHAT ARE YOUR NAMES?
>> TAYLOR.
>> Stephen: AND?
DAVID.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
DAVID.
>> Stephen: TAYLOR AND DAVID.
YES.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING ME.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU RAISED YOUR HANDS BEFORE I GOT TO THE END OF
MY QUESTION.
ARE YOU GUYS A COUPLE?
>> WE ARE.
>> Stephen: GOOD.
I DON'T HAVE TO GET SOMEBODY ELSE.
THAT'S NICE.
( LAUGHTER ) ARE YOU TWICE FROM NEW YORK?
>> NO, ST. PETE, FLORIDA.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
( APPLAUSE ) AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE
CITY?
>> WE'RE JUST -- WE KIND OF CAME FOR -- OUR ANNIVERSARY IS
TOMORROW.
>> Stephen: YOUR ANNIVERSARY IS THE DAY AFTER VALENTINE'S
DAY.
>> YEAH.
OU THINK HE PLANNED THAT?
I MIGHT HAVE.
IT JUST KIND OF WORKED OUT THAT WAY.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN "FIRST DRAFTS" ON THE SHOW?
>> NO.
HM-UM.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WE DO IT A LOT.
WE DO IT A LOT.
NEVER SEEN IT.
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE THINGS WE
DO ON THE SHOW?
( LAUGHTER ) >> YOUR MONOLOGUES ARE GREAT.
>> Stephen: OH, OKAY.
ANYTHING I DO THE OTHER GUYS DON'T DO?
>> THE BAND IS GOOD.
>> Stephen: THE BAND'S GOOD.
I'M NOT IN THE BAND.
( LAUGHTER ) COULDN'T GET TICKETS TO FALLON.
ALL RIGHT.
( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO.
WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A STACK OF CARDS.
THE CARD ON TOP GETS SOLD.
THE SECOND CARD IS THE FIRST DRAFT THAT DID NOT GET SOLD.
WOULD YOU HOLD THESE AND HAND THEM TO ME ONE AT A TIME?
>> SURE.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
LET'S START WITH THE FIRST ONE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
HERE'S A LOVELY CARD THAT SAYS "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
YOU HAVE A PIZZA MY HEART."
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S SWEET.
THAT'S SWEET.
I LOVE YOU IN A LIMITED FASHION.
THERE YOU GO.
BUT HERE'S THE FIRST DRAFT -- "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
CANNOLI WE TAKE THINGS SLOWER?
I'M AFRAID OF MARA-NARRIAGE."
( LAUGHTER ) TRUE.
( APPLAUSE ) THAT'S TRUE.
THAT'S A REAL FEELING.
I ASK, BUT ARE YOU GUYS MARRIED.
>> WE ARE NOT.
BUT WE DO LIVE TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
COHABITATE.
>> Stephen: A LOT OF PEOPLE DO THAT THESE DAYS, I HEAR THAT'S
VERY MODERN.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: ARE YOUR PARENTS COOL WITH THIS?
>> YEAH.
AT 28 AND 35, I FEEL THAT WE --
>> Stephen: YOU HAD TO THINK ABOUT IT.
>> ARE THEY NOT?
I HAD TO THINK ABOUT IT.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S WHY I HAD TO THINK.
>> Stephen: GIVE IT UP.
I THOUGHT IT WAS TH THE NEWLYWED GAME THERE.
( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S A NICE ONE.
IT SAYS, "THE ONLY THING I LOVE MORE THAN ME AND YOU... IS US.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) REALLY, REALLY SWEET.
BUT THE FIRST DRAFT READ, "THE ONLY THING I LOVE MORE THAN ME
AND YOU... IS 'THIS IS US.' SERIOUSLY, IF YOU TALK THROUGH
IT AGAIN I WILL LEAVE YOU."
( LAUGHTER ) OKAY.
HERE'S AN OLDIE.
IT SAYS, "TO MY VALENTINE.
LOVE MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY."
BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID "TO MY VALENTINE.
LOVE MEANS POSTING BAIL FOR ME WITHOUT MAKING A WHOLE 'THING'
ABOUT IT."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
WOULD YOU DO THAT?
WOULD YOU POST BAIL FOR HIM?
>> I WOULD, OF COURSE.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU HAD TO POST BAIL FOR HIM?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: NO?
IT'S NOT A CRAZY QUESTION.
YOU'RE BOTH FROM FLORIDA.
>> HE'S WELL BEHAVED.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YOU GUYS COULD BE
ON WORK RELEASE RIGHT NOW, FOR ALL I KNOW.
( PIANO RIFF ) ( LAUGHTER )
LET'S TRY THIS RIGHT HERE.
HERE'S ONE THAT SAYS "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
I LOVE YOU."
SIMPLE, TO THE POINT.
BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
I DON'T LOVE YOU!
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S A ROOKIE MISTAKE.
DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME YOU SAID "I LOVE YOU" TO EACH
OTHER?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHEN WAS THAT?
IT WAS ACTUALLY IN HER APARTMENT IN FORT LAUDERDALE.
>> THAT WAS FIVE YEARS TOMORROW.
WAS IT?
>> Stephen: ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY?
>> I'M SORRY, GUYS.
TWO WEEKS LATER.
>> YEAH, GET IT RIGHT.
I APOLOGIZE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WOMEN NEVER
REMEMBER THE DATE.
>> HE DID KNOW.
>> Stephen: HE KNEW?
I GUESS SO.
YEAH.
>> Stephen: I FORGOT TO GIVE YOU CHOCOLATE.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) >> OH, THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: AND A FLOWER.
OH.
YOU CAN HAVE THAT.
>> Stephen: I TOOK A BITE OUT OF MOST OF THOSE.
( LAUGHTER ) CAN I HAVE ANOTHER ONE?
>> OH, SORRY.
I GOT DISTRACTED.
VERY LITTLE OF THIS WILL MAKE IT TO AIR.
WE HAVE BEEN TALKING FOR 11 MINUTES?
I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TELL BRADLEY COOPER WE DON'T
HAVE TIME FOR YOU TONIGHT.
WE HAD TO BUMP BRADLEY FOR THESE PEOPLE.
THIS IS ONE'S NICE.
IT SAYS, "TO A MARVELOUS HUSBAND AND AN
INCREDIBLE FATHER.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!" I WOULD LOVE TO GET ONE OF
THOSE.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAYS, "TO A
MARVELOUS HUSBAND, AND AN INCREDIBLE FATHER..."
"SORRY I DIDN'T GET YOU SEPARATE CARDS.
THESE THINGS ARE LIKE FIVE BUCKS.
I LOVE YOU, DAD AND TIM!" ( LAUGHTER )
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
STAY RIGHT THERE!
DON'T GO!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BRADLEY COOPER.