Independent, yet fascinated by human connection, the INFJ doesn’t exactly rely
on the basis of relationships as other people do. No matter if it’s romance or friendship,
this self-reliant type surely doesn’t make it easy for people to maintain a position in their lives.
But why exactly does the INFJ do this and does it affect their overall happiness in life?
Welcome or welcome back Psych-o! Today we’ll be talking specifically about why INFJs ruin
relationships for themselves. Before we start, have you liked and subscribed to our channel?
Go ahead.. And be sure to click the notification bell while you’re there,
so that you never miss a video! Alright, jumping right into the video,
starting with.. Number 1:
They Ignore Their Needs Until It’s Too Late
One of the most well-known signs of self-sabotage is lack of communication when it comes to
boundaries and needs within relationships. And unfortunately, the INFJ tends to be quite sure
of what they don’t want but unable to communicate those needs to others in fear of hurting feelings
or causing disruption within their much desired harmony. As a result,
people with the INFJ personality type who have yet to learn this harsh lesson tend to put off those
needs until it’s too late. Whether it’s intuitive hunches, personal boundaries, or serious manners,
while they’re tactic of keeping the peace may end up doing exactly that in the moment,
INFJs can definitely let things slide to the point of it coming back around to bite them in the but.
Number 2: They Give Too Much
INFJs are givers, but sometimes they can be so reluctant to take that they wind up in
self-imposed unbalanced relationships. While it feels rewarding and effective at the start
considering INFJs are so willing to help others, overtime they begin to realize that
the people in their lives may not be doing as much for them as the INFJ tends to do.
Ironically, some INFJs don’t actually realize that giving too much can be so detrimental to
their otherwise successful relationships. And because of that, they can end up pointing the
finger at their spouses or close friends for not caring as much as they’d like them to,
when in reality, the INFJ is the one that set these ground rules at the beginning.
On the other hand, sometimes this giving nature can also attract the wrong people who
have no intentions of a balanced give and take relationship with the INFJ in the first place.
And in these times, the INFJ would rightfully resort to nothing other than the infamous door
slam - the fastest, most painless way of ruining a relationship that needs ruining.
Number 3: They Don’t Want To Break Any Hearts
Empaths and lovers, the INFJ gets seriously uncomfortable when hurting other people’s
feelings. In fact, this is one of the main reasons they can have such trouble setting
necessary boundaries in their relationships.. much like the boundary of how much to give and take
like we just discussed. But in this case, the fact that INFJs tend to avoid being upfront about their
feelings about others can be the cause of ruining particular relationships. INFJs simply don’t want
to break the hearts of the people they aren’t interested in. And because this introspective type
needs a little more time than the average person to truly know if they’re interested in someone,
this can sometimes mean breaking things off at an early stage in a relationship. Yet since they’re
not entirely direct about things, they can end up beating around the bush while slowly distancing
themselves; essentially ruining the connection without having to say it. Now, of course nobody
really wants to break that news, but in the case of the INFJ empath, they’ll do whatever it takes
to avoid a harsh heartbreak, or at the very least try to avoid witnessing the heartbreak in person.
Number 4: They Spend Too Much Time In Their Own Heads
Imagination to an INFJ is not only an escape from mundane reality, but also a place they can explore
their deepest questions and ideas… As a matter of fact, the INFJ is so in tune with their elaborate
inner reality that they can subconsciously spend a little more time than they’d like to.
Or more particularly.. A little more time there than their friends and family would like them to.
While it seems pretty normal for other intuitive types, when the INFJ is in a romantic and platonic
connection with a personality type that doesn’t rely on their inner minds as much, this habit
can become annoying to say the least. Sure, INFJs are introverts and only have so much social energy
they can expend before they need to get back inside their heads and recharge, but that doesn’t
make excuses for checking out mid conversation or being mentally absent during significant moments.
The fact that INFJs aren’t always ‘here’ can be a make or break for certain types, and
although they can try their best to avoid it, the INFJs' introverted intuition isn’t going anywhere!
Number 5: They’re Always Moving
Speaking of spending too much time in their own heads, INFJs are always thinking of the
next best move they should be making. They’re on a never ending journey towards self improvement
and worldly discovery, even if it’s just from inside the comfort of their own home. They’re
always considering a new hobby, a new career path, a new way of living, a new challenge, a new diet,
you get the drift. INFJs can’t stay still for too long without feeling dull and stagnant in life.
And unfortunately, for the INFJs that have yet to realize this about themselves, they can get quite
bored in certain connections causing them to feel like they’ve outgrown the relationship entirely.
In romantic connections, it may be due to the fact that they think they could find someone better,
or more intune with their new interests. While in a friendship it looks more like questioning if
certain friends are considered helpful or harmful to their growth. Of course, INFJs aren’t entirely
open to new connections either, which can leave them in a predicament of feeling held back or
anchored down by the relationships in their lives. Number 6: They Expect Too Much
INFJs are idealists. In life, in love and in their personal relationship with themselves,
INFJs expect a lot. And while there’s nothing wrong with seeing the potential
in others to the point of wanting to push them to do better for themselves,
but that’s just not always the case. In fact, INFJs can easily fall in love with the idea
of someone and then once they have them, it's entirely different. They set self-made
expectations and beliefs about people only to come to find out that they were way off,
so off that their excitement for a new connection is replaced with disappointment in their own
abilities to understand people. But instead of communicating this; which would be quite
difficult to put in words without being harsh.. The INFJ instead may attempt to push people
past their short-comings and closer to the ideal they’ve set out for them. While it may
be closer to technically being encouraged to better themselves, INFJs can definitely seem
intrusive and even overbearing at times, which is risky behavior no matter the intentions behind it.
Number 7: Solely Relying On Abstract Understandings
INFJs are masters at connecting pieces, solving puzzles and noticing patterns in their outer
reality. They can effectively project future outcomes with their pattern-finding skills,
which they then use to decipher which direction to take. And it’s no different when it comes to
relationships for this intelligent type. While these skills certainly serve the INFJ well when
it comes to pointing out red flags and ultimately saving themselves from potential romantic
disasters, sometimes it causes more doubts than needed. Because INFJs have the ability to detect
patterns, they think they know the future of a connection - jumping to conclusions on how the
relationship will end before it even starts. They may pay special attention to the things they are
skeptical about within the connection, nit-picking behavior in hopes of coming closer to a more solid
conclusion. While this quite obviously can become toxic for the people being nit-picked,
if the INFJ doesn’t realize this behavior, soon enough they’ll find themselves unable
to ever let loose and enjoy new connections, something that most INFJs already struggle with.
Number 8: They Can’t Keep Up With Social Expectations
One thing that’s for sure is that INFJs don’t necessarily always ruin relationships by accident.
In fact, when it comes to certain people, they can end up feeling
a huge sense of relief once they’ve cut ties. And so they’re not exactly opposed to the
idea. One example of this would be someone who expects too much of the INFJs time.
If this introverted type feels like too much is expected of them within a connection - whether it
be romantic or platonic - they can intentionally retreat until their disinterest is apparent.
For the INFJ, boundaries around personal time are non-negotiable,
and if they’ve tried to communicate this to someone only to be not taken seriously,
or faced with replies like “Oh, live a little!” or “Come on, you have to get out more”.. They’ll
begin mentally preparing for a relationship that will soon dwindle away. Unfortunately, INFJs need
to be met in the middle when it comes to this aspect of themselves or they won’t last long.
Well, that's it for today’s video, PSYCH-Os! So, have you ever blatantly ruined a relationship in
your life? Was it on purpose or do you still think of what you could have done differently?
Let us know in the comments below! Also, don’t forget to leave us a like,
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