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We take so much pride in our Islamic history
and the seerah of the Prophet
SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam about how the companions
would care for the widows and particularly the way
that the widows as soon as their
'iddah would be finished they would have a line
of men ready to marry them and to take care
of their families.
And SubhanAllah, it's as if that entire history is
completely removed from us
and relegated almost exclusively just to marriage
and that is a loss on our part.
Assalatu 'alal amwati yarhamukumullah
So before I even talk about their 'iddah
and the rulings on their 'iddah let's talk about
this lost sunnah of caring for the widow.
And it is indeed a lost sunnah.
You know, when you hear about orphans
and you hear about the poor and you hear about
all of these different things.
The sunnah of caring for the widows.
The Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam was described
"wala yanafu an yamshi ama'al marati wal miskeen
fayaqdhiya lahul hajah"
That the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam
was not too proud to be seen walking with the widow
and walking with the miskeen,
walking with one who was poor and carrying out their needs
until he fulfilled their need.
The prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam said,
As saa'ee 'alal armalati wal miskeen
"the one who strives in caring for the widow
and for the poor person is like the one who strives
in the path of Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la."
Like the mujahid in the path
of Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la.
Or, "Like the one who fasts all day without breaking
their fast, or like the one who prays
all night without sleeping."
SubhanAllah, all that for who?
The one who cares for the widow
al-armala wal miskeen
And all of these things that fall in the category
of caring for the widow.
You know, the ahadith in general about being there
for someone who is vulnerable,
being there for someone who is in need,
that Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la
is in the cause of his servant so long as his servant
is in the cause of his brother or sister.
Who more blessed to serve in the wake of a tragedy
than the widow?
Especially when you start talking about an elderly widow
and one that really has a hard time caring for herself.
And by the way, the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam
when he talks about the virtue of the person who raises an
orphan and that the one who cares for the orphan,
ana wa kafilul yateem,
I and the one who cares for the orphan
are like these two fingers.
In one narration the Prophet
SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam specifies,
"I am the one who cares for an orphan."
Meaning their own orphans or someone else's orphans.
Meaning their own children or someone else's children
are like these two in paradise.
So to that woman that suffers the loss of her husband
and cares for her own children, raises her children
on her own, you will be like this with the Prophet
SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam
bi idhn-illahi ta'aala because we know
that charity with your own family, by the way,
is greater than any type of charity.
And obviously being a mother taking care
of your own children is not charity.
It is sila and sadaqah because you achieve
the reward of both.
And there is some narrations, beautiful narrations,
about the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam,
and there're athar
that our narrated about the Prophet
SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam seeing a woman racing him
on the day of judgment to al jannah,
to the gates of al jannah.
And this is a woman who cared for her children
and raised her children all the way until they were able
to take care of themselves.
This is an incredible category of people
and who would not want to serve a person
who has been given that reward of being like this
with the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam?
So that's the first thing, reviving that legacy
of serving the widow of, of being in her cause,
making sure that she's taken care of
and taking that up as a job, as a role in the community.
SubhanAllah
There was one brother may Allah
Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la bless him,
and I don't know his name for a reason
because he would send, there was a sister whose husband
had passed away in the community and he would send,
you know, $500 every single month to take care of his family
but he would send it through another brother
so that I would not know who he is.
And so the sister did not know the brother
that was giving me the money and I did not know the brother
that was giving the brother the money
that was giving it to me.
SubhanAllah
So there is this anonymous person
that decided that he wanted to take care of this family
and he was acting upon this hadith of the Prophet
SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam
So taking care of the widow, serving her,
caring for her needs,
making sure that she can grieve properly.
All of this is from the sunnah of the Prophet
SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam
And that's when you start to see some of the hadith
about the way that the widow is to grieve herself.
Zainab bint abi salamah radiAllahu 'anha wa 'an abeeha wa 'an ummiha
she narrates
that Umme habeeba radiAllahu 'anha
when Abu Sufyan passed away
that Umme habeeba radiAllahu 'anha after three days
sent for some perfume and she put some perfume
on her forearms and her cheeks and she said that it's not
because I needed this, or it's not because I really wanted
this, but she wanted to fulfill the sunnah of the Prophet
SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam saying that it is not
permissible for a woman who believes in Allah
in the last day to abstain from adorning herself
for more than three days except in the case of the widow
who mourns for four months and 10 days as Allah
Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la says in Suratul Baqarah
And that is of course the 'iddah of the widow.
Now the 'iddah is also a thing
that often comes with cultural baggage and certain things
that are not from the sunnah of the Prophet
SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam.
What is this here?
What is the sunnah surrounding the widow,
particularly when it comes to the 'iddah?
So we know what Allah Azawajal
tells us in the Qur'an.
That the 'iddah for the widow is four months and 10 days,
or it expires with pregnancy.
So if she is pregnant and she gives birth before the end
of four months and 10 days then her 'iddah is over
when she gives birth, even if it's a day after the death
of her husband or it's four months and 10 days.
In that four months and 10 days, she mourns, she can grieve,
she is to spend the night in her home.
And Allah subhanAllah
a lot of the fiqh
that we learn by the way, the jurisprudence, about death
and how to act in the wake of death comes from
uhud because of the impact
on the community.
And so you find in narration that the Prophet
SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam told some of the widows
of Uhud as they would gather
during the day to make sure that they can talk
amongst themselves but when it's time to go to sleep
to sleep in their homes.
To sleep in the home in which the news came to them.
And so when it comes to their 'iddah
and the woman fulfilling that in her home
that is that a woman can leave during the day to care
for her needs, there's no problem for that whatsoever,
to go out and care for her needs.
Ideally again, she has a family, a community,
people that want to strive to care for her needs
so that she doesn't have to go out and do those things
for herself, that she can take the time to properly grieve
and not have to do that.
Though she abstains from adorning herself
and abstains from marriage and, you know, that which leads
to marriage, at the same time, you know, there is no form
of self punishment that's being inflicted here.
Right?
The only thing is that at night, she spends the night
in the home of her husband.
And this should be observed unless there's a need
for it not to be observed.
And I see two extremes here.
Sometimes I have seen where, you know, a person enforces
this rule when they don't need to enforce this rule.
And sometimes people abstain from it unnecessarily.
And the reality is that it's somewhere in between.
What does that mean?
Just like with everything else in Islam
if there are needs and dire needs then that makes things
that are ordinarily prohibited permissible.
And so let's say, for example, it is an elderly woman
and she is unable to spend the night, you know, alone
and that she can't care for herself.
At that point she can go into move in with her children.
She could move in with a sister or someone
that can take care of her so that she's not alone.
You also might have a woman whose husband passes away
in hajj, for example.
And subhanAllah I actually
had that happen in my group where a woman becomes a widow
on hajj so is she supposed to stay in Mecca
for four months and 10 days?
No.
In her situation she would return home
and she would spend the night in her home there
for four months and 10 days.
And then you see some, of course that, you know,
do not observe this 'iddah whatsoever.
So the 'iddah is to be observed and if there are things
that make it exceedingly difficult for a woman to spend
the night in her home then inshaAllah ta'aala
it can be waived.
And during the day there is no harm
and there should be no undue burden on her
and the community, the family, the extended family
of the community should see it as a blessing
inshaAllah ta'aala to serve her
so that she can grieve properly and observe her 'iddah
without being disrupted in that sense.
Now the last thing I'll say here
is that just like with the azza
some of those cultural practices take the sunnah of ease
and they make it difficult.
And that can be a fitnah
for a woman in her deen.
That can truly be a test for a woman
in her deen.
And from those that are encountering some of these things
that don't make any sense whatsoever it can be
a fitnah for them in regards
to their deen.
So you'll see, for example, certain things like, you know,
a woman is not supposed to smile
for four months and 10 days.
You'll see all sorts of cultural innovations
that come into this and will guilt a woman.
And the only thing we know from the sunnah is to abstain
from adornment and to abstain from sleeping outside
of the home at night.
And of course, a person again, can go out during the day
to do what they need to do.
So instead of, you know, adding blame
or adding certain things to the 'iddah
which take it closer to jahiliyya and jahili practices
or other things that exist in other cultures
that get mixed in with the way that 'iddah is observed
by a neighboring Muslim community let's think about
how we can care for a person that is in that situation
and take care of the needs of the widow
so that we can revive a sunnah that has been lost.
(birds tweeting)