no one has betrayed you more than
yourself yeah that's right
no one has betrayed you more than
yourself when my therapist first said
this I was like what I mean why would I
do that
usually a self betrayal it's a habit
carried over from childhood often
because you had to betray yourself in
order to feel safe or loved by your
caregivers look and what is your role on
the ship
I am the ship's doctor are and this
often manifests in adulthood as
pretending to be someone you're not
[Music]
hey guys looking for someone else to
complete you and so uh you want to see
if the puzzle piece fits die by a date
and by refusing to live in the present
listen once I made the love of my life
get married have children celebrate
several decades of marriage until my
spouse dies and/or divorces me and then
live out the rest of my days with my
girlfriends and haven't died yet I will
for sure be happy you know my therapist
often says that love is self betrayal
because in my limiting belief system it
is I was raised to believe that I had to
put aside my own wants and my own needs
in order to be safe accepted and loved
my parents of course did not
intentionally try to instill these
beliefs in me but ultimately that is the
messaging I got so how do you heal self
betrayal when it's a habit that's been
conditioning you your entire freakin
life well my therapist says to try
noticing and celebrating different ways
in which you no longer betray yourself
including having a promise that you keep
to yourself on a daily basis no matter
how small so a promise I keep to myself
every single day is I just asked myself
what I need sometimes I need to just
stop doing all of my work and just lay
on the floor for a second when I'm
overwhelmed sometimes it's to cancel
that outing and stay at home so I can
get some much-needed rest and sometimes
it's pushing myself to go out because I
know that I'll have fun and I really
need the social interaction that day but
by promising to check in with myself and
see where I'm at and what I need I am
learning and create
these neural pathways that I am now
putting myself first
instead of betraying my needs
automatically to meet the wants of
others or at least doing what I think
they want me to be in order to be loved
these very small acts of honoring
yourself eventually add up and lead to
some pretty big healing good luck I'm
Anna Akana and thank you to Squarespace
for sponsoring today's video Squarespace
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ana I
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