- Aaaaaaaaahhhhh.
- Shut up!!!
- One day, Ian ate some Mexican food and got hecka sick. Three days later, he woke up and found he had a tapeworm.
- OH MY GOD!!!
- Whoa, chill the fuck out, man.
- You're coming out of my ass.
- Yeah, that's what I do.
I'm Robbie, the magical tapeworm.
- Yeah, but how are you talking?
- How are you talking?
- Uh...
- Exactly. Whoa. (burps)
- My gym clothes!
- Sorry, bro, indigestion.
- (retches, vomits)
(laughing)
Oh, Sue. Oh, man, I love Glee.
- Yeah.
- Dude, these oranges taste like sweaty balls.
- How would you know what sweaty balls taste like?
- What the hell is that?
- Oh.
He's just my magical tapeworm.
Say hi, Robbie.
- Hi, Robbie.
- It can talk?!
- (burps)
- What the f--k?
That thing just gave me f--king boobs!
- Oh, come on. I'm sure it's just your shirt bunching up.
- Aah, dude! You're crushing my new boobs! Stop!
- Oh.
They're really real feeling.
- Ian, stop.
- Oh my god, I've never felt any in real life before.
Oh...
- IAN, STOP!!!
(thunderclap)
(Gregorian chanting)
- I understand you're here for a breast reduction. Now, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Many women go through things like this.
- I'm not a woman.
- Right.
So anyway, what's the problem?
- I have this stupid friend with this magical tapeworm that shot me with this laser.
- Wait. What'd you just say?
- I have a stupid friend.
- No, the other part.
- I got shot with this laser?
- No, something about a magical taint sperm.
- Tapeworm.
- Stapler?
- Tapeworm!
- My God, we must destroy it!!
- What?
- 4,000 years ago, man lived in harmony with the magical tapeworm, which at the time were known as the mighty
butt serpents of Ishtar. Man found a way to harness and control the butt serpents' magical properties. The Egyptian pyramids, the Mayan
Temples, the Great Wall of China all were created solely with the power of the butt serpents.
But over time, man grew greedy and destructive. People started using the butt serpents' power for evil,
turning houses into lava,
turning newborn babies into grizzly bears. The world was in peril, so in a last-ditch effort to save humanity, a
group of Goths use their spiritual powers and
maximum-strength laxatives to banish the butt serpents and destroy them once and for all.
So now you understand why it must be destroyed.
- (snoring)
- (growls)
- (stammers)
Huh? What?
- We must kill the Magic Stapler!
- What about my boobs?
- Yeah, they look great.
- Why am I always so hungry all of a sudden?
- Sorry, bro. That's my bad. Uh-oh, I feel a burp coming on.
(grunts, burps)
- Oh, what the hell?
- Come on, man, The Wizard of Oz is a great movie.
- Never seen it.
- You've never seen The Wizard of Oz?
- No.
- How is that possible?
- I don't know!
- Wow, your parents must have really hated you.
- Shut the f--k up! I've never seen it!
- You bear the magical stapler. It must be eliminated.
- Where the hell are you now?
- Now I shall blow on this horn, which will cause you to lose your bowels and eject the butt serpent.
(horn sounding, wind whistling)
- Whoa, whoa...
- Hang on, Robbie!!
- (whistling)
Special delivery for Robbie the Magical--
OH!! Jesus! My bowels!!
- Whoa. Oh crap. I gotta burp!
- Take this, guy I don't even know!
- (burps)
- It's gonna take a lot more than magic to stop me from...
Rebecca Black?
Made a full-length album?
(panicked gasping)
(choking)
(casual music)
What? It takes a while for the suicide pills to kick in.
Yup.
Seen any good movies lately?
- Ian's never seen The Wizard of Oz.
- Shut up.
- You've never seen The Wizard of Oz? It's like my fav--
(body thumps)
- Okay, who the hell took a dump on our porch?
- I don't know, but this whole situation has been pretty
s--tty! (loud laughter)
- You've never seen The Wizard of Oz!
- Robbie, shut the f--k up before I poop you out!
(audience applauding)
- To see deleted scenes and bloopers, click the link in the description below!
- Thanks for subscribing, guys. Oh.
Oh.
I gotta burp.
(burps)