When Greek historian Herodotus visited Egypt for the first time,
he was astounded to see how things were different in their society than any other civilization,
empire, or country he had been to before. Accusing them of reversing the ordinary practices of
mankind such as marriage, lovemaking, and public display of affection, Herodotus’ experience of
Egypt was nothing less than an eye-opener. Welcome to Nutty History, today let’s find
out what love and marriage were like in ancient Egypt and why Herodotus found them shocking.
Marriage in ancient Egypt was pretty much mostly arranged and monogamous but of course,
the Pharaohs were an exception to this rule.
Despite that, the marriage institution was aimed pretty much towards social goals
rather than individual fulfillment, such as communal stability and generational advancement.
But history has also taught us that marriage meant a lot more than that to the ancient Egyptians.
There is evidence indicating that romantic love and affable companionship were equally
important for Ancient Egyptians in their married life. The New Kingdom offers us a lot of art,
poetry, and other forms of works praising the virtues of one's lover or wife. Tutankhamen,
the pharaoh who is known for his intact tomb more than any of his reign’s accomplishments,
had beautiful images of him with his wife Ankhsenamun in romantic poses. Interestingly every
painting of Tutankhamen and Ankhesenamun depicts their devotion to each other by their proximity,
hand gestures, and adorable facial expressions. Such art covers most of the concerned pharaoh’s
tomb who died at the mere young age of 18. Sadly, Ankhsenamun disappears from historical records
shortly after, possibly implying her early demise as well. This was a common theme in tomb paintings
as more art and inscriptions showed husbands and wives eating and dancing and working together.
Ancient Egyptian society was based on the idea of the nuclear family and they would
arrange their gods into such groupings as well. Once a young man was well into adolescence,
it was appropriate for him to seek a partner and begin his own family. Females were probably
thought to be ready for marriage after their first menses. The marrying age of males was
perhaps a little older. The perfect age to become a groom in ancient Egypt was generally
16 to 20 years of age as they would have a job and be able to support a family. Interestingly,
there was no wedding ceremony in ancient Egypt. A woman was considered married to a man the moment
she entered his house after agreeing upon the goods. Like any other contemporary civilization,
marriages were usually arranged by one's parents with an agreed-upon bride price and reciprocal
gifts from the groom's family to the bride’s family. However, this was not a dowry. In
ancient Egyptian terms for marriage, meni meant to moor a boat and find a house. The groom often
gave the bride's family a gift, and he also gave his wife presents. Pre-nuptial agreements
were common and whatever material possessions the bride brought to the marriage remained hers to do
with as she pleased. The purpose of marriage was to have children but the couples were expected
to love and honor each other and be always grateful for their presence in their own life.
Taking a wife was synonymous with setting up a house. A man was expected to love his wife
and was pretty much bound to do so by religion. Women were treated at almost
equal status with men in Ancient Egypt, as it was believed that after the dawn of creation,
the goddess Isis made the genders equal in power. Yet, even by a small margin, males
were considered the dominant gender. Women were traditionally in charge of the home and ideally,
the new couple moved into their own house shortly after the marriage. According to the legal texts
each spouse retained control of the property that they brought into the marriage and whatever
was acquired during the union was considered under joint ownership. Unlike Rome or Greece,
marriage was entirely a non-religious affair in ancient Egypt. Neither the state nor religious
doctrines cared who you were married to and apart from contracts made for financial matters of the
marriage, marriages were not even registered anywhere. These financial contracts or marriage
settlements were drawn by the fathers of the groom and the bride and signed by them before witnesses.
This was perhaps the only formality that could be considered as an Egyptian wedding ceremony.
Even though ancient Egyptian royal family members were expected to marry their siblings,
the practice of in-family marriage was generally discouraged among the noble and common population.
For most people, the marriage was arranged for the maximum benefit of both parties and it was
hoped that, as they lived together, they would grow to love one another if they did not already.
Egyptians were tremendously proud of their heritage and ancestry was traced through
both mother’s and father’s lines. Despite living separately, respect for parents and elders in the
family was a cornerstone of morality. The most fundamental duty of the eldest son or daughter
was to care for his parents in their last days and to ensure that they received a proper burial.
As we mentioned, procreation was an important aspect of ancient Egyptian religion.
Also, Egyptians were not shy about openly discussing the act of lovemaking,
another thing that made Herodotus uncomfortable. Unlike most modern religions that try to convince
you that babies are delivered by storks, ancient Egypt was fairly progressive. Moreover,
honey and crocodile dung were the best options for contraceptives in their time so clearly, it
was a no-brainer why ancient Egyptian women would get pregnant very early in their married life.
Children of both sexes were valued and wanted in households of all classes of ancient Egypt. There
is also no indication that female infanticide was practiced and that also solidifies ancient Egypt’s
attitude towards gender equality. However, they did come up with methods to determine
the gender of the child during pregnancy along with tests for fertility and pregnancy itself. We
already explained how married women used to pass water on crop seeds in the fields to determine
pregnancy in our “Creepy Things that were Normal in ancient Egypt” video. But there was another
layer to it. The expected mother was supposed to water two crops, barley, and emmer wheat. If
the barley sprouted first, the woman was pregnant with a male child; if the emmer wheat germinated,
she was pregnant with a female child. If the urine had no effect, the woman was not pregnant.
Though there was actually some scientific basis for this test, as a pregnant woman produces a
variety of hormones, some of which can induce early flowering in particular plants, there is
no known relationship between these plants and the determination of gender. The birth of a child was
a time of great joy as well as one of serious concern given the high rate of infant mortality
and the stress of childbirth on the mother was highly fatal. Childbirth was viewed as a natural
phenomenon and not an illness, so assistance in childbirth was usually carried out by a midwife.
Egyptian children who successfully completed their fifth year could generally look forward to a full
life. Based on the skeletal evidence that would be about thirty-three years for men and twenty-nine
years for women in peasant society. However, life expectancy in the upper class was expected
to be sixty to seventy years just like modern times. Kids were given plenty of time to play
but past infancy they were also expected to train for adulthood. Every male child was expected to
learn their father’s trade and become professional at it. Every girl, except those of royal blood,
was trained to learn how to manage a household, kitchen, care for the young, elderly, and pets.
While most traditional religions and civilizations make a lot of fuss about virginity, Ancient Egypt
had no care for premarital intercourse. In fact, there is no word for "virgin" in the
ancient Egyptian language, suggesting that one's degree of intercourse, or lack of,
was not thought to be a matter of consequence. However, they did not look kindly upon fooling
around after marriage. Couples were expected to be faithful to each other and practice monogamy.
Sensuality was important for Ancient Egyptians and even Ancient Egyptian religion revolved
around ideas of fertility and procreation. Unmarried women were free to have intercourse
with whomever they chose as premarital intercourse was widely accepted. The Ebers Medical Papyrus
which was written in the 15th century BC lists the contraceptives that were popular in ancient Egypt.
Surprisingly, soliciting intercourse was hardly a thing and there is next to no evidence of it
during the old kingdom and middle kingdom. No brothels have been identified in ancient Egypt
and soliciting intercourse is not mentioned in any written works or legal decisions. As
the Egyptians valued social harmony it makes sense that they would place special emphasis on stories
encouraging domestic tranquility. Many poems talk about the act of lovemaking among lovers/ spouses
and all are focused on how blissful they feel in the company of their partners.
“Your hand is in my hand, my body trembles with joy,
my heart is exalted because we walk together," “I was taken as a wife to the house of Naneferkaptah
[that night, and the pharaoh] sent me a present of silver and gold . . . He [her husband] slept
with me that night and found me pleasing. He slept with me again and again and we loved each other
"She is more beautiful than any other girl, she is like a star rising . . . with beautiful eyes for
looking and sweet lips for kissing". Even though Egyptians were expected to have true affection
for their life partners that doesn’t mean Egyptians were forced to commit to a marriage.
If there was trouble in paradise, paradise wasn’t meant to become a prison.
In ancient Egypt, marriages were expected to last a lifetime and would continue to be a commitment
in the afterlife as well. As the majority of the male population lived until their thirties and it
wasn’t uncommon for women to succumb during childbirth around the age of sixteen or so,
the idea of them reuniting in the afterlife was a consoling one. However, just like any other
period, not all matches were made so divine and ended up not loving each other anymore. The end
of a marriage was as simple as the beginning. One or both spouses asked for a divorce and
material possessions were divided according to the prenuptial agreement. A new agreement was signed,
and the marriage was over. The children of the marriage belonged to the mother and,
in the case of divorce, the mother would have custody. Even though warnings of the unfaithful
woman were plentiful in literature, socially women were given enormous freedom in marriage. Anything
she had entered the marriage with, she was allowed to take with her when it ended. Only a charge of
infidelity, amply proven, deprived a woman of her rights in divorce. But laws got complicated
during the new kingdom period and so did the marriage agreements. In the case of divorce,
the dowry provided by the groom at the time of marriage reverted to the wife for her support,
or a single payment was given to her. Alimony payments were also an option with the husband
sending his ex-wife a monthly stipend until she remarried even if there were no children
involved. Tell us in the comments if you are surprised to find ancient Egyptian society
as modernistic and open-minded as we are. Also, do tell us which other civilization
or period shall we cover in this series. And as always, thanks for watching Nutty History.