If there’s one thing that’s driven me mad in life, (that’s a slight exaggeration),
I’d say especially after graduating from university, but even later when doing this
YouTube thing and feeling “fulfilled”, it’s been obsessing over the idea of finding
a purpose in life, my purpose, this one thing that’s supposed to be my calling here on
earth, and dealing with the fear of finding it too late or, worse, not finding it at all.
I would (and still sometimes do, although not nearly as often) struggle with questions
like “what if I would’ve stuck with playing chess and I would’ve became a champion?”
or “what if I’m really good at something that I don’t know I’m really good at,
and so I’m just wasting my talent without knowing it?”. Ultimately: “What if I was
meant to do something other than I’m doing right now?”
I think I’ve always believed in the idea of having a life purpose. Now, I don’t mean
the purpose of life as a whole, I simply mean my personal, individual purpose; an idea that
has made me believe that there must be a perfect way to live my life, and that I just need
to figure out what that is. I think it’s quite stressful for a lot of people. But luckily
for me, I don’t think that way anymore. Not really.
Now before we get into the juiciness, I want to say that, there is so much to read on purpose.
Articles and publications by actual researchers and psychologist. I’m neither of those things.
So, please, if you’re searching for scientifically proven ideas and findings on this topic, this
is not the place for that. This is not “the right way” to think of anything. We’re
just buddies having a conversation, and these are my personal thoughts on the topic.
Also, while I know it might seem like this video is going to be quite depressing based
on the title, it’s actually the very opposite. I actually believe that this conversation
will be really encouraging and liberating, at least it’s been for me, so just bear
with me.
So, let’s define life purpose. I couldn’t find one universally agreed upon definition,
so I’ll just go with this definition that I found in an article which I’ll link below:
“Your life purpose consists of the central motivating aims of your life—the reasons
you get up in the morning.” And then he writes: “Having a purpose in life is one
of the fundamental factors of happiness. Without it, you’ll live your life less focused,
less efficient and you’ll often feel restless and stressed because you don’t feel aligned
with the things you do.” - Living a successful life - Making positive connections with others
and enjoying those around you - Providing for your family
Ok cool, so now we have something to go on. Basically, the things that a lot, if not most,
people want in life. So, I guess “finding your purpose” then means finding the thing
that will bring us one or more of those things that I just mentioned. (By the way, this video
has nothing to do with that article in particular, it’s just so we have some sort of definition
to go on.) Ok, so, sounds pretty clear to me! So, what’s the problem Lana? Well, as
late as a year ago, I would’ve read that paragraph, nodding my head thinking “yep,
holy cow, I need to find this purpose thing or else I’ll be miserable”. But I’ve
been re-evaluating and challenging those previous beliefs of mine. And this is where we get
to the core of all of this:
I’m not questioning the value of the things that “finding a purpose” supposedly brings
us—a drive, a reason to get up in the morning, something to push us forward and contribute
to the world, let’s use the word “fulfillment” from now on to describe all those things,
for the sake of simplicity-- I consider all those things to be important. But I’m questioning
if “finding a purpose” is the way to get there. So, I’d like to bring up a few points
that I’ve been thinking about.
For starters, I personally think that believing that each of us are here for some specific
purpose and that the price of finding that purpose would be like achieving the highest
form of fulfillment, would be to minimize the human experience. We’re not like razors
where our sole purpose is to help remove hair; we’re not machines or things. I simply think
humans are far too complex for that idea, and I also think it’s limiting in the way
that it might make us get tunnel-vision.
This brings me to my second point: I think it can cause a lot of anxiety. For a lot of
us, feeling like we haven’t “found” “it”, whatever that means, or that we
can’t quite pinpoint what “it” is for us, can make us feel like failures or just
really lost. I also think it can be seen as this impossible task, where any “purpose”
that we have in mind isn’t “big” enough or “special” enough compared to others.
What even is considered a good enough purpose to have?
Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, I’ve started asking myself: what’s the purpose
of finding my life purpose? Is it supposed to be this magic spell for long-lasting happiness?
Is it that, once we’ve found this purpose, only then will we be truly fulfilled? I don’t
think that’s always true. And how about until then? Do we just settle for “unfulfillment”
until hopefully, one day we’ll find our purpose, which may or may not exist?
So, if it’s not “life purpose” that will bring us all of the things we just talked
about, the things that most humans want and need, what’s going to bring it then? This
is my current philosophy on this: by living a life that aligns with the things I value
and believe in and doing so every day, instead of living life thinking that there’s this
big thing I’m supposed to discover called “purpose” which is going to make everything
feel just right.
For instance, I value learning and developing my character, so I feel like I’m living
purposefully when I write and read and have interesting conversations with people. I value
new experiences, so I feel like I’m living purposefully when letting myself be led by
things like curiosity, bravery and through keeping an open mind. I value my job and achievements,
so I feel like I’m living purposefully when I’m being productive, organized and creative
and when I get joy out of those things. I value being a nice person, so I feel like
I’m living purposefully when saying “thank you”. I value my relationships, so I feel
like I’m living purposefully when I call a friend. I value peace, so I feel like I’m
living purposefully by learning to acknowledge when to step away from conflict and when I
need to apologize. The list goes on.
So, really, what I’m trying to get at is that, in my book, I believe that it’s the
many, many purposes - smaller ones and bigger ones – that bring fulfillment and all the
other things we talked about. Now, how can I be so sure that this is a better way of
thinking about purpose? Well, I can’t be. And I’m not. But ever since having this
shift in mindset, I’ve felt… What have I’ve felt… More at peace with life, I
guess. So, as for now, I think I’ll stick with it.
Speaking of being curious and open-minded, let’s talk about today’s sponsor, Skillshare.
Now, I’m not saying that I’m going to start a podcast or anything like that (or
am I?) but I’m a curious person and I like to learn about various things, so I’m currently
taking this class on Skillshare called “How to Make a Podcast: Plan, Record, and Launch
with Success” and it is by John Lagomarsino (hopefully I pronounced that right) who is
the Head of Production at Anchor which is really cool. And I’ve really found the class
to be interesting so far because the way he breaks it down makes it easy to absorb.
As most of you know, Skillshare is an online learning community with thousands of classes
on a variety of things. I’ve been taking classes on there for over a year, and I genuinely,
really enjoy it. Whether you want to take a class on creative writing or videography
or plants, you’ll find it there. Now if you would like to try out Skillshare yourself,
I have a special offer for you. The first 1000 people to use the link in my description
will get a free trial of Skillshare premium membership, and after that it's only around
10 dollars
a month.