Hello I m Darren Magee and welcome to my mental health information and awareness
channel. Now today's topic, we're going to continue on talking about the flying monkeys,
the agents of the narcissist. Today we're going to be looking at how the narcissist
goes about recruiting these people. How do they get people to collude with them,
okay? If there's anything useful or helpful in this video please consider subscribing to
my channel and please checkout my other videos on mental health topics. Okay,
so let's begin. So first of all when I talk about narcissism, narcissist, I'm referring
to someone who is a malignant abuser, and the term flying monkey comes from the Wizard of Oz movie,
those who collude, those agent said those who carry out the narcissist agenda, just like those
monkeys carried out the witch s bidding. Now when these agents, are recruited during a relationship
it's a way of triangulating the victim, keeping them in a state of strain, a state of distress,
having them constantly doubt themselves. After the relationship has ended, those flying monkeys,
those agents that s a way of the narcissist perpetuating the abuse, keeping it going.
Because if you think about it, if the abuser is the narcissist no longer has any control, you've
broken free. They can't control you anymore. They are going to try to control how others, see
and others treat you. Because remember, in the mind of the narcissist,
regardless of what happened, they believe the victim deserved everything that happened and
they can accept no responsibility for any of their actions or any of the effect. It's always
the victims fault. You know, the expression I use, these are the type of people the wet the
bed and blame the blanket. Nothing is ever their fault or their responsibility. They also believe
that they are right and they are righteous, they are entitled. And winning isn't enough.
A lot of the time, they only feel as if they win by completely destroying their victim. They
will destroy their self worth their self esteem, their self respect, they will destroy their, if
they can, they will destroy their support network, their reputation and anything else they can ruin
because they live in a make believe world. They need others to believe in that world too,
because this is their world. Everyone else is just a part of it and it's like a cult,
if you will, and they are the worship leader. So they're recruiting others to perpetuate this on to
do their work for them. They get to keep their hands clean others do the dirty work for them.
It's like a cabal, if you will. People who believe their version. Agents who will act on their
behalf, people who subscribe to their version of reality. They may want others to stalk, they,
for example, they may have been blocked on social media, so they want others to keep tabs on their
victim. They want people to spread gossip and rumours about the victim. I tend to think that
the more people they recruit to their cause, the more flying monkeys they have,
the more they believe themselves. You know, the more true it is, the more I say that the more
true it is, and I have heard it said that this is all about discrediting the victim, and yes in
a lot of ways it is, yeah. But I would look at it another way. This is more about discrediting
the witness okay? These are the people who saw them as they really are. And the more they
trying to discredit that witness, the more people they recruit to their cause the more triangulated
the victim feels. The more mobbed they are, they, they, they start to lack that feeling of
validation and people are believing the abuser. You know the victim, the witness, you know,
more and more, they feel disempowered. So how do they go about recruiting these agents, these
flying monkeys? Remember, the narcissist will, depending on how socialised they are, whatever
and they are accomplished actors. So how they recruit depends on who they want to recruit as
well as what role they want them to play. So let's look at the different ways in which they recruit
these people who will collude with them. So first of all, one of the tactics they use is subtlety
okay? They recruit through, say, contacting family members, friends, work colleagues. They may even
threaten the victim. You know, I'm going to, I'm going to tell people what you really like
or whatever. In other words what they're saying is I'm going to tell people a version of you that
paints me in a kinder light, makes you look like the villain. But when they are employing subtlety,
they will act innocently. They may contact a friend you know, Hi, you remember me? I'm such
and such, whatever. Can we be friends? Hey, you're into tennis, you re into golf, whatever. I'm into
that as well. Do you fancy playing a match? You fancy playing a game. Or, you do a particular
job? You have a particular role? I'm looking a bit of work done. I was wondering if you.. whatever.
What they're trying to do is get a foot in the door and this works on different levels because
in one way they re showing the victim that I'm still here, I haven't went away. It also works
in another way where what they're beginning to do is to erode that person s social support network.
And they may even contact friends, family members, whatever, saying how worried they
are about the victim, you know, they really care you see, they're wonderful people. They're worried
that they've heard you started drinking again or they re worried that they heard you've had
to start taking medication or whatever. They may even be fearful. You know, I'm terrified of that
person. I'm worried in case they try and hurt me. I'm terrified in case they re spreading rumours
about me. You know what a horrible person I am. The truth is, they were the one that was horrible.
I even had to get a non-molestation order against that person just to stay safe. They gaslight. They
gaslight they tell the most incredible lies that they believe themselves. They gaslight in order to
recruit. They lie, they embellish the truth. This furthers the smear campaign against the victim
and in that relationship, while that relationship was still going on, the victim may find themselves
isolated, cut off from others. You know, this is a way of further isolating them
after the relationship is ended. Next up is the willing, the willing recruit. To be honest,
there s no recruitment there needed really. These are people who are just as malignant.
They enjoy the gossip, they love the distress, they love the drama. They get a kick, they get
an energy out of it. Did you see that person for flounder? Did you see the state of her?
Did you see the state of him? You know, as they were trying to explain themselves? Did you see
them walking round in circles in their own head? They are loving that and the abuser plays on that
energy. They keep giving them the energy. They give them more ammunition. They re actually,
if you will drop they re making arrows and given them to those people to shoot at the victim.
Then there's the naive. They recruit the naive by giving only, again another performance. They give
misinformation, they give embellished truth they give lies. They give a particular version, they,
again we talk about reactive abuse. I've done a video and reactive abuse if you want to have
a look at that. They focus, they point out the reaction of the victim to show how crazy
how dangerous how unbalanced they are, but they never ever mention, pay any attention whatsoever
to what they did to cause it. The naive person may also be recruited in a way to try to win the
victim back. Have you not seen how in pain they are? Do not see how struggle and they are. Could
you not give them another chance? You know how I can you say there are monster? I saw them playing
with a kitten that shows how really lovely they are. They re worried about you. They just want to
help you. And lastly, there is the unwilling flying monkey. The unwilling recruit, not
so much recruited, they re are more like drafted okay? And when they collude they may be doing it
out of fear. It's better to be on the wrong side than on the wrong end of this. The abuser uses
that control to the use that fear to manipulate, Give me what I want or you re next. Or use that
unwilling person's guilt and shame, Give me what I want, do what I say, I'll die if you don't.
Look at how they are hurting me. If you don't help me, you're every bit as bad. So regardless of how
they recruit these flying monkeys. They re all used in different ways. They re used to stalk,
they're used to torment. They re used to discredit on the abusers behalf. That's all they re for.
Once they ve outlived their usefulness they re discarded, just like everything and everyone else.
And if the flying monkey gets caught out, whatever, the abuser had nothing to do with it,
it was all them. Remember, taking no the responsibility. The average, your general
narcissist will throw a stone and say it wasn't me that hurt you it was the stone, had nothing
to do with me. Now the last thing to think about and it's probably quite unpalatable, but
ask yourself the question, I ve had to ask himself this many times, How many times have I been
recruited as a flying monkey and I didn't even know it? Because if you think about it, you know,
if you've been in a relationship or you are in a relationship with someone who's malignant and
toxic, when you met them, look at the stories they used to tell by their ex. Everything that is wrong
with the ex, the disgraceful way the ex behaved to whatever. If you ever met or ever get to meet that
ex, you already have an image in your head. You already have a presupposition. You already have
a belief about what that person is like, and the more they talk about, say their ex or whatever,
whenever they start to behave disgracefully, it's like, you know, the flying monkey,
you know, if you're in that role you have been programmed to forgive them. Well look at look
at the way they were treated. Look at, look at everything they had to go through. Look at the
way that other person behaved. Is it any wonder they re like this? I must be patient. I must be
kind. I must be forgiving. Now the truth is if you, if I anyone else has been recruited,
you know, remember we may have been the naive. And I say these things because
we haven't actually done anything wrong. We have been led to believe certain things. So that is how
the narcissist goes about recruiting people to their cause to be agents for them to collude with
them okay? Next video going to look at how you handle the flying monkeys okay? If this has been
helpful, please consider subscribing to my channel and please check out my other videos on mental
health health topics. If there's been anything interesting here anything you d like to comment,
anything I ve missed please mention in the comment box below. Until next time, Thanks for watching.