- Seven things you should never say to an INFJ.
If you say these things to an INFJ,
they will be justified in violence against you.
No, I'm kidding.
I've seen a few articles online addressing this subject,
things you should never say to an INFJ,
but the thing is, to me, it always turns
into basically like, you could rename the article,
stuff that INFJs are overly sensitive about
and they don't want you to say it to them
because it will make them mad.
Maybe we should just learn to get over those things.
But today, I'm gonna talk about seven things
that you should not say to an INFJ,
and maybe what INFJs need to do
so that they're not so sensitive about these things
and why it affects them negatively.
One of them though, the last one is a real doozy,
which you should really not say to INFJs or maybe anyone.
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First thing not to say to an INFJ is "Let's wing it.
Let's play it by ear, we don't need a plan.
We'll just figure it out when we get there."
Do you wanna give an INFJ a heart attack? Say those words.
They'll be like, "Oh crap."
I mean, it really depends what we're talking about.
The higher the stakes though,
the more an INFJ is gonna be like, "Please, no."
If you say, "We'll figure out where we're gonna have lunch
when we get downtown."
An INFJ might have a little bit of anxiety,
but might be able to deal with it.
But if you're like, "We're not gonna plan
"anything about our vacation until we're there."
The INFJ will may be like, "Oh, okay.
But then we'll secretly be planning behind your back."
This is because IxxJs in general, they have to plan.
They're not spontaneous and INFJs are no different,
not spontaneous personality types.
When you have introverted intuition
as your dominant function, it's just all about planning.
It might not be the most detailed planning
in a practical sense, but it wants to know
what's gonna happen?
What can I expect?
Number two, don't say to an INFJ,
"Be practical. Think practically.
"why don't we get a bit more practical here?"
INFJ are not practical.
NF types in general, not practical.
They're like the opposite of practical.
They're anti-practical.
Now in some ways, this is one of the things
where INFJs need to just like get over it
and learn to be practical every once in a while
'cause we do live in the real world
and being practical has its advantages.
Like actually being able to accomplish things
in the real world.
But it irritates an INFJ
because you're suddenly yanking them out of their NF world
and saying, "Hey, you've gotta do
the sensing thinking, okay?
We've got to do stuff in the real world that's logical.
Let's be practical."
And the INFJ is gonna be irritated
that they have to stoop to that level
'cause it's not easy for them.
But really, INFJs, we gotta work on that.
We gotta learn how to do it so we can be more practical.
Number three, this is awful.
I hate it when people say this,
"Why do you do that's a good idea?"
All right, so this has to do with decision making.
INFJ is prefer to make decisions with extraverted feeling,
which is looking out at other people
to kind of get a good idea of what they think
would be the right thing to do.
"Would they like this idea, this decision I'm gonna make?
Okay, I'll go with that."
Maybe even actually asking people
what do they think are good ideas.
And when an INFJ goes more
into the introverted thinking side of decision making
where they're figuring out for themselves,
what's going to work for me?
What do I think is the right course of action?
Detached from emotions.
It might make people mad, but I got to do it
and I'm not asking people for permission.
When they make that decision, it's a little bit tough,
but what makes it tougher is when someone comes along
and is like, "Why do you think that's a good idea?"
'Cause now you're asking me two things
that make it difficult.
You're asking me to like, defend my thinking decision,
my logical decision that isn't the thing
I'm most comfortable with
and I would rather just do feeling,
but I've gotta stick with my thinking,
ah, that feels uncomfortable.
But then you're also by asking that question
especially if there are followup questions, like,
"Well, what do you think about, what about this?
That doesn't make sense? Do this, blah, blah, blah.
What about this idea?"
Then you're asking the INFJ to do extraverted thinking
which we don't even have.
So it's like a double whammy.
People with introverted thinking like INFJs
get irritated when people try
to use extraverted thinking on them
and trying to like throw out ideas
and ask a bunch of logical questions
and ask them to defend their logic
against a bunch of other possibilities.
It's like, please stop.
Let me just work on what I'm doing, my thinking, my logic.
So INFJs need to be prepared for that
and realize that you're gonna have
to be able to stand behind your logic,
your thinking process, and get more comfortable with it.
But yeah, it's going to make INFJs upset
when you ask them a question like that.
Before we continue, let's stop really quick
and see if YouTube wants to show a commercial.
Next thing not to say to an INFJ.
"I don't think I know who you really are."
And this is something that I have heard
a few times in my life.
It's like, "I'm really sure what's going on with you.
I don't really know who you are."
People have known me for years say that.
And this is, in many ways, the INFJs fault
with the extraverted feeling second in our function stack.
We're kind of playing a game
where we just wanna keep people happy.
We do what they wanna do.
And when you pair that with the introverted intuition,
we're very good at picking up, like,
how does this whole thing, this social thing work?
What do people want to see from me?
How can I act that way?
And it's not always, our identity is not always the thing
that we're most concerned with anyway.
So it's not like something that's gonna be shining forth
for others to see.
And so when people are like,
"I don't really know who you are.
I don't really know what you're really like.
What do you think about this, blah, blah, blah?"
That can be difficult for an INFJ
because they might not even know how to answer it.
Like, "What do you mean you don't know who I am?"
Oh, crap, (laughs) I'm not sure I know who I am.
I mean, it's a bit of a rude thing to say, don't you think?
But I think when people say that, it's just 'cause,
"Oh, I want you to tell me what you're all about."
But there's also kind of the implication
that you've just been fake this whole time.
Yeah, so all of those things combined to make it something
that you shouldn't really say to an INFJ,
but INFJs should be working on their own identity
and being able to stand out in that way
and be able to know who they are.
Next thing not to say to INFJs,
"We gotta do this a different way.
We got to try something different.
This way that you've been doing things, do it another way."
And a lot of times, this can come up in career situations,
on the job where your company imposes something,
where you have to do something different,
you have to use different software,
or even if it comes from when Apple updates the iPhone
and suddenly there's this whole new weird way
of doing stuff, but INFJs are gonna be like,
"Nuh-uh, uh-oh, no way."
They're gonna be like SpongeBob in that meme,
"Ight, Imma head out."
That's the INFJ reaction to let's do something new.
How about no?
When you try to force an INFJ or introduce them
to a new system, a new way of doing things with a bunch of,
especially when it's a bunch of new sensory stuff
to deal with that they've never seen before,
they're gonna resist that because introverted intuition,
it has systems that it wants to set up
and just do that over and over again and stick with that.
It's not the most adaptable thing.
So if you're in a position where you're managing an INFJ
and you need to tell them,
"We're doing things entirely different,"
expect resistance of the highest order.
And for INFJs, you gotta realize,
you gotta change every once in a while,
you got to do things differently.
People are gonna change the way you got to do stuff
and maybe it's not even have to do it,
maybe you're doing something in a certain way,
just in your own life, it's not a job.
And someone comes along and says,
"There's a better system of doing this.
You gotta learn to be a bit open to changing around
the way you're used to doing things."
Here's another thing not to say to INFJs,
"Don't sweat the small stuff.
Hey buddy, don't be so worried.
Don't sweat the small stuff."
For INFJs, they're naturally worriers, naturally anxious,
and naturally sweat the small stuff.
And this comes from being a type
that has Extraverted Sensing as the inferior function
and Extraverted Sensing is just seeing the whole world
as it is, the physical concrete world.
And when it's inferior, INFJs always just have this anxiety
of, "I'm missing something.
There's something I'm not seeing.
I don't have all the information," so on and so forth.
And so they just will naturally worry
about the small stuff, about the details,
and Extraverted Sensing, in general,
isn't that detail-oriented.
It's just seeing everything as a big lump
because it's like the whole world.
Extraverted functions are broad, but maybe a bit shallow.
So it sees everything, but maybe isn't focused
so much on details and that mixture of being inferior
and generally more broad makes INFJs realize,
"There are so many times in my life
where some little detail came up
and tripped me up and set me back."
So INFJs overcompensate by sweating the small stuff.
When it, you know, when they become aware of it,
there'll be like, "Oh crap.
I got to think of all these little things.
Make sure they're all in line
because I know if I don't hold myself firmly to this thing,
I'm gonna forget it, I'm not gonna see it."
Focusing on the small stuff, the details is good.
It's good to learn to begin to focus on the sensory,
but try to realize that the anxiety
that's coming from it is hyped up
because of your personality type.
And you can like relax a little bit.
Now, lastly, the thing that you should not say to INFJs
and this is really something you shouldn't say to INFJs
or anyone, really, and this is something
that would bother most people.
I mean, a lot of these things on this list
would bother a lot of people,
but they're just specifically INFJs
are gonna get really set off by it.
But this last thing, don't tell an INFJ,
"You ought to be ashamed," or something like that
along those lines of trying to make them feel ashamed.
Now, look, everyone does things wrong,
everyone makes mistakes,
everyone has times where it's like,
yeah, they should feel ashamed.
But I think more often than not,
that shame button gets pressed too much
No one likes to feel shame,
no one likes to be told you should be ashamed.
But the Fe people, INFJs included are gonna really
like take it to heart,
because extraverted feeling is concerned
with what everyone else is feeling.
And what is an appropriate emotion to feel right now?
So they're looking out to other people
whether consciously or not to know how should I feel.
So when people directly say or say something
with the effect of, "You should be ashamed of yourself,"
the extraverted feeling is just naturally like,
"Yep, you're right. I should be ashamed.
And now I feel ashamed."
People will try to use it on you
if they think you'll react to it.
And so I think what an INFJ needs to do
or any Fe person is to start to develop that side of them,
the Ti side where you can logically analyze,
like, should I be ashamed?
This is not to say INFJs should just be like,
let off the hook,
because there are times when yeah, you do bad things.
But I'm talking about what I think is the majority of times
when people try to shame you and it's not warranted.
It's important for an INFJ to be able to say,
"Nope, you're wrong, F you."
which is not the first thing that an INFJ goes toward.
The first thing they go toward is,
"You're right. I'm ashamed."
Probably shouldn't be saying that to anyone.
Probably shouldn't be using shame as a tactic,
except in like extreme circumstances.
Let me know in the comments
if there are any other things that you think
shouldn't be said to INFJs ever.
Leave a like, subscribe.
Till next time, stay cool and attractive.