To idolize someone is to admire or revere them excessively.
Well, we've already got a problem because
obviously, excessive is subjective,
its a matter of opinion.
Some people might think that posting pictures of someone
all over their wall
is an unhealthy level of admiration.
But this is what most teenagers do
with their favorite celebrity.
So other people might think that's a perfectly healthy way
to show your admiration for something.
Obviously, to admire something and to deeply appreciate
and deeply respect something is healthy.
But there are some ways that idolization can
and does turn very unhealthy.
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"Why Fans Turn Into Haters"
The first thing to understand is
that if you idolize somebody
you`re actually more attached to the idea of them
you have in your head than the actuality of them.
You're attached to this image
you hold in your head of them
because it fulfills some need for you
whether you are conscious of it or not
I like to call this "Santa Clause complex"
For example
lets say you idolizes a spiritual teacher
because of the idea of them you have in your head
you expect them to live a certain way,
eat certain foods,
always be loving,
never be angry
the list goes on and on
Now you need them to be that way
for some specific reason maybe
because you need to have hope in humanity
hope that its possible for a human being to transcend
all of these shadow aspects that you associate with being human
Now obviously the day that this spiritual teacher
behaves out of alignment
with that image you have in your mind
that's when all hell is gonna break loose
In that moment you didn't just feel mistaken
in terms of who you thought they were
versus who they really are
so you've lost basically this overlay that you had
which is really important for you.
You also lost your faith in humanity
and that disappointment was not okay
and you blame them for
To understand more about this complex
I want you to watch a video titled
"Overlay - What prevents you from having a real relationship"
The second place where idolization gets us in trouble
is where the human ego tends to compare
When the ego moves into comparison thinking
idolization can turn downright dangerous
When we idolize something
we very quickly compare ourselves to whatever we idolize
and feel inferior to it.
The human ego cannot handle this
and so it begins a very subconscious strategy
to try to gain equality
and more than that
to become better than the person
that currently feel inferior to you.
Let's take a deep dive into the psychology of idolization
shall we
Any intense attraction implies some sort of polarity is present
just like with a magnet
the negative and the positive aspects
the polarized aspects of a magnet are deeply attracted to one another
because everything in this universe wants wholeness
it wants integration.
If you haven't done so already I encourage you
to stop this video
and watch the video titled:
"Fragmentation The Worldwide Disease"
This video will make a concept of internal polarization
make perfect sense.
If we are deeply attracted to something
like we are to the extreme
when we idolize something
What that is actually is
It's us being attracted to the external representation
of the part within us
that we have cut ourselves off from and suppressed
The part that we have woefully cut ourselves off from.
For example
many parents shame their children for being self centered
when they perform for their parents or other people
specifically for attention.
This can easily cause a child to cut off from
and suppress the part of them that wants to be a performer
and wants to be the center of attention.
They did not want to get rid of this part of themselves
they woefully cut themselves off from it
but their being wants desperately to be whole
and so there's that subconscious drive to re-own
that part of themselves.
They may then be hopelessly attracted to and idolize a popstar
The worship of that pop-star actually is an externalized way
of loving that part of them that is a performer
and loves to be the center of attention
Which they learned was not okay about themselves
It is essentially a love affair
The part of us we learned was forbidden to love within ourselves
and therefor forbidden to be.
By getting closer to this person that you idolize
you're actually beginning to get closer to
and read on that aspects within yourself
that they are the external representation of.
And any time two magnets get closer
that draw towards the person
that magnetism or that need for them
starts to dissipate.
This also makes you feel like they are less on a pedestal
There's an equalization that's beginning to occur
in your perceptual reality.
This feels like relief.
The closer you can get to them
the more this perception of inequality and idolization goes away.
You feel elevated in terms of personal significance
but if this process happens subconsciously
meaning that you feel these feelings
but aren't conceptualizing of why
this is a recipe for disaster.
At some level you feel that internal limit
that is preventing you from having one thing
or being one thing or many things that this person
represents or has or is.
Therefore you have envy.
Envy is, "I want something that I can't have."
It's very important to understand what I'm about to say here
Idolization is nothing but a disguise for envy
If what somebody is deeply admired for
is what someone wants for themselves.
You feel inferior in a multitude of different ways
you feel like they're higher up on a pedestal to you
and that is too uncomfortable to stand.
So is watching someone have what you can't have
So you will find any way you can to knock them off
of that pedestal or try to get on a bigger pedestal for yourself.
To understand more about this
watch my video titled:
"Jealousy and Envy (How To Deal With It)"
The minute whoever you idolized
says or does something
to make you re-feel that sense of inequality
to make you re-feel the lack
obviously you will feel pain.
You might even feel powerless
and this is where the chain of events can turn dangerous.
Now what will happen is
that you will try to desperately compete
to get away from those emotions,
that are uncomfortable within you.
That are being fueled by them
or not even by them
by some situation completely indirect
that just makes you feel these feelings towards them.
That inequality, that lack, whatever else it is.
To get away from the pain you basically turn against
the person you once idolized.
We watch this happen over and over and over and over, in history
When kings where overthrown again and again
by the people who once looked up to them
by the people who once were considered
esteemed members of the court.
One of the biggest ways that the human ego likes to compete
is through the superiority of character.
It loves to play a moral game
Therefore if somebody can't find a way to be better than somebody
in terms of success or in terms of talent
or you know whatever, whatever.
A person will automatically start to compete
for goodness of character, moral superiority.
What you'll try to do is find faults
with whoever you feel this way towards
the person you used to idolize.
The multi billion dollar industry
called tabloids exists because of this
Your ego loves it when you see a star wrapped up
in some new scandal
and when you see all their flaws.
If people feel they can't gain significance
in a sense of equality or superiority
or any other way they gain significance and a sense of superiority
through opposition they will turn from a fan to a hater
think about it.
No one cares or even knew who John Wilkes Booth was
until the day he killed the president.
People who feel they can gain personal significance and achievement
will not waste any personal energy trying to gain significance
or a sense of equality or self-worth through pulling people down.
Hate acts as a mask for personal insecurity
It elevates the hater past the hated.
It gives purpose to people and identity
Then the human ego seeks to be validated in that positioning.
The more validation somebody gets for their feelings of hate
the easier it is for them to avoid looking at their deep insecurities and
those deep wounds that exists there.
The hurt basically it's been triggered
and obviously the higher their self-esteem feels
because they are being told they're right
This is why
one hater turns into two haters
turns to three haters turns to four haters.
They can feel superior and feel empowered
instead of powerless next to the person they have turn against
and the hate will only stop when the hater faces
what is underneath the hate
including his or her own insecurities.
What most people don't realize
when they are in the process of idolizing someone
or when they're being idolized
is that idolization is completely and totally
conditional.
Its conditional upon meeting some need
that a person has.
It's conditional upon living up to some images people have in their head
Its conditional upon never triggering the person
Basically it's conditional upon conditions
that no human could ever meet.
So it's a recipe for a fall from grace
For this reason in Hollywood it is often said
that the person to be most afraid of is your biggest fan
For somebody to turn from a lover to a hater
from a fan to a hater
from an admirer to somebody who's turned against you
They have to, with no exceptions,
perceive themselves to have been hurt in some way
But that is just the thing
It could be direct or completely and totally indirect
If someone feels insecure about their looks and you look
how they wish they looked
that will cause them to feel pain.
If someone needs to feel significant and special to you
and you don't answer the e-mail they sent you
that will cause them to feel pain.
if you say no to something that they wanted you to say yes to
that will cause them to feel pain.
If you don't believe in vaccines and a person believes
that makes you a threat to their well being
that will cause them to feel pain.
When you get successful it makes people feel less successful
and that causes them pain.
When you're beautiful it makes people feel less desirable
that causes them pain.
When you get rich it makes people feel poor
that causes them pain.
When you get famous it causes people to feel insignificant
that causes them pain.
This is why no one has haters like the
successful, beautiful, rich and famous.
It is not possible to ensure
beyond a shadow of the doubt
that you will cause someone pain.
The most you can possibly do is
to try to not cause people pain
whilst not causing yourself pain
in the process of trying not to do so.
You are also completely powerless
when people experience pain
about whether they can face those very real feelings and
create some kind of resolve for them
or turn against you in order to avoid those feelings
To steer clear on the dark side of idolization
what you need to do is to
re-own the aspects within you
that you have cut off from your consciousness
That the external person you currently idolize
is the external representation of
To steer clear of hate
you need to be able to face the very real pain
the very real lack and the very real insecurities
that exist there.
Instead of turning against the person
who is causing you to feel those emotions
Have a good week
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte www.tanyaduarte.com