In this video, we're talking About changing strategies to get your ex back. But firs,t
my name is Clay with modernlove.life. We help you get the great loving relationship you're
looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard to get, and without
having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not. Because you deserve to be
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But today I wanted to talk about changing strategies when whatever you're doing isn't
working. You know, there's a lot of advice out there from other channels and other authorities
and things like that, that I don't necessarily agree with myself, such as things about the
no contact rule, how it's the one strategy that you should be following. And how you
just need to follow the one true path forever and ever, and have blind faith in it and all
of that. I don't think that, that's necessarily true and I hope that you can see the poor
reasoning in that, as well too.
But what I want to talk about here is about getting real with what might be working or
what might not be working, because at the end of the day that's really what matters
here. It's not some philosophical thing about "Well you have to have high status and so
if you do this, then you're going to come across as high status. And if you do that,
you're going to come across as low status." At the end of the day, none of that matters.
What matters is whether or not what you're doing is getting results and it's getting
you where you want to go.
And this is something that I've been working through in my own life as well too, in a couple
of different ways recently. As you may or may not know, we recently moved to a new place
and one of the exciting adventures that's part of that is that we need to paint some
of the walls, some of the rooms around here. For example, the room that I'm using as an
office is actually pink. I'm using this screen here to give me a white background, but you
know the walls are actually pink. This apparently used to be a girl's bedroom at some point
in the past. So we're going to need to paint that so it can be like a reasonable office
and then I won't have to have this background. I can have these nice cozy things that make
you feel like you're stepping into a nice little casual conversation with me. Anyway,
that's my plan.
And so we were trying to organize people to come over to paint the house and sorts of
things like that. We were talking to this one painter, but he was not really particularly
responsive. I think he just had overextended himself, had committed to too many projects
and just didn't have enough time to respond to messages and things like that. And that's
totally fine. I get it, but at the same time that's not the guy that's going to be able
to paint our house in a reasonable time. So we had to pivot this past week and actually
make the move to paint the house ourselves. I'm going to be going this afternoon to pick
up some paint and some supplies. This weekend we're going to go forward and hopefully by
next week I'll have a non pink office.
But the point here is that we need to be able to evaluate whether what we're doing is working
and if it is okay, great, excellent. If it's not, then it might be time to consider changing
strategies. That's not to say that just because something isn't working immediately doesn't
mean that it's a lost cause, but we need to look at whether or not it is likely to work,
whether or not it is moving us forward or not. Okay? And this definitely comes into
play with things like the no contact rule or some of the other advice out there that
you may have heard from other people. Or even the advice that maybe I'm giving. Maybe it's
not working for you. Maybe it's not resonating with you. Maybe you would prefer to play mind
games or overanalyze text messages or something like that.
If that's what works for you. And if that's what you believe is going to move you forward,
then sure, go ahead. Don't pay attention to what I have to say, pay attention to what
someone else might say. But the most important thing is whether or not whatever strategy
you're using is yielding results, moving forward. That's why I have a lot of the positions that
I have about things like no contact. Yes, no contact does have its time and place. And
yes, there are some people who can just go into no contact and wait a month or a week
or whatever and their ex is going to come crawling back over broken shards of glass.
Yes, it can happen. But if it's not happening for you, then it's time to say, "Okay, this
strategy isn't working. That fortune cookie advice that they always come back in the end,
may not be true for you. It's not true for a lot of people.
And so if that's the case, then maybe it's time to try on a different strategy. Maybe
it's time to try something different that might actually allow you to make progress,
like initiating contact with your ex, letting go of this idea that this is all about power.
This is all about you've got to seem like you care about them less than they care about
you, because we all know whoever cares the least controls the relationship or all of
those other sorts of things. You need to look at whatever strategy you're following, is
it going to work or is it not going to work?
I know that one of the big concerns that a lot of people have is, is there still hope?
Is this a lost cause? Am I wasting my time? And the only reason that, that would really
be a major concern of yours is because you don't have the flexibility or have given yourself
permission to adapt your strategy as you move forward. You know, I totally get it and nobody
wants to be that person that's still waiting for their X years down the road. Their ex
is gotten married to someone else. They're living some other life and you're just waiting
and waiting and waiting for some boat that left the dock a long, long, long time ago.
I don't want that for you either and so the way to not find yourself in that situation
is to obviously have the flexibility, have the introspection to be able to see whether
or not what you're doing is working. Is it yielding results? Is it not yielding results?
And of course, adjusting course as needed from there. I mean, if it's working, let's
keep doing what's working. If it's not working, let's adjust course.
And that's again, one of my stances on the no contact rule. Not everybody needs to do
no contact. If you, being in contact with your ex is causing the two of you to come
closer together and to bond more, okay, that is working. I would probably not recommend
someone in that situation do no contact because if it ain't broke, don't fix it. On the other
hand, if you being in contact with your ex is actually moving the two of you further
apart emotionally because there's misunderstandings, miscommunications, hurt feelings, resentment,
bitterness, arguments, all that sort of stuff, then, okay, it makes sense to pause on whatever
you're doing. Take a step back, potentially do no contact and look at what isn't working
and correct course as need be. That's really what it takes to be able to be successful
in probably most things, whether that's painting your house or whether that is having a great
relationship, getting back together with your ex or all sorts of other things. Okay.
So, that's something that's been on my mind recently. I'm also working on changing my
strategies with other things in my life as well, too. For example, how I operate this
business. What me and our small team have been doing thus far has gotten us to where
we're at, but in order for us to continue to grow and get to that next level, we're
going to have to change our strategies. I'm starting to realize that and so it requires
a shift in my perspective, and a shift in my strategy in terms of how I do things, how
I operate as well, too.
It's a major learning curve. I'm Not going to get totally into it because it's a super
dorky thing that probably most people can't relate to, basically how to scale a business.
And so let's just go with the painting example, because it's a little bit more concrete. It's
a little more understandable. And so hopefully I will not have a pink office next week, but
I am going to be recording a couple of videos so you'll probably have to deal with the white
screen and maybe the pink office if I tilt the camera and show it to you, for at least
a little bit longer.
So anyway, I hope that helps you out. I hope this gives you permission to evaluate whether
or not whatever strategy you're following is working and correct course as need be.
But thank you so much for watching by the way. If you do like what we're doing, again,
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If you do want to learn more about, for example, our strategy on the no contact rule, we do
have this, this, got to get my directions right here. It kind of mirrors it, but this
video series over here on the no contact rule and our potentially controversial, against
the grain take on it. Or you might want to check out this video right here. But anyway,
hope you're having a great day. Hope you have a great weekend and I'll talk to you next
time. Please take care.