Did you know that sex addiction and narcissism are closely related to each other.
By the end of this video, you're going to know why sex addition is so prevalent with
narcissists.
I am Rebecca Zung Top 1% Attorney and the bestselling author of the books Negotiate
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So if you've watched parts one and two in this series, then you know that narcissists
use sex as a way of controlling and gas lighting their partners.
If you haven't watched part one and two of this series now is a good time to go back
and make sure that you do that.
But one of the things that you should know, if you haven't watched it is that narcissists
need an endless amount of what we call narcissistic supply.
Supply is anything that feeds their ego.
Narcissist have no internal sense of value whatsoever, they're like the hollow chocolate
Easter bunnies, you know they look good on the outside, but there's nothing going on
inside.
So what they need is an endless amount, it's like this black hole that can never be filled
of trying to suck as much out of the people that are around them to try to make themselves
feel better.
It's an endless quest, endless quest of trying to feel better, trying to feel better, trying
to feel better and they never can, never can, never can because there was something that
was broken deep inside of them long ago when they were children, some kind of traumatic
event or something took place that broke inside of them where they said, hey, I'm broken.
There's something wrong with me.
I am scared.
I am vulnerable.
The only way that I'm going to be able to cover up that there's something seriously
wrong with me is by an endless amount of narcissistic supply.
So supply is anything that feeds their eco.
It could be money, it could be compliments, it could be prestige, but it also has a darker
side.
The darker side of supply is control and doing anything they can to feel a sense of control
over another person, or a sense of making the other person feel less than they are,
or more importantly, that they are better, that they are higher, that they're perfect
in some way.
So this endless cycle goes on with narcissists in every aspect of their lives.
So why would their sex life be any different?
Well, it's not, it's not.
It's actually a perfect little chasm, a perfect little place that is a smaller area of what
goes on with everything else.
But with narcissists and sex, it's a perfect place for them to exert control over the other
person because the person is vulnerable to them.
Because when you're with your romantic partner, you want to appear desirable.
You want to be attractive and so you're being vulnerable, you're exposing yourself to this
person and that is a perfect place for a narcissist to zone in and hurt you and use that as a
way of controlling you and gas lighting you and psychologically abusing you.
When narcissists are dealing with sex one of the things that you'll often see is they
become sex addicts because it's a way for them to try to feed that beast.
So if people are saying that they're so attractive or they want them in some way, then they want
more and more and more and more of that.
So they end up having many different conquests to show look how attractive I am.
I actually did a deposition of a wife's boyfriend one time, I was representing the husband and
right in the middle of the deposition, the boyfriend says to me, ask me how many women
I've been with and I'm thinking, I don't really care how many women you've been with I'm trying
to find out if you're paying for stuff with the wife.
He was this Spanish guy, and he's like asking me how many women I've been with.
Go ahead, ask me.
And I'm like, I don't care.
So I wouldn't ask him and he says, a lot of women, a lot of women.
Because I wouldn't ask him, he just decided to volunteer the information.
Here's a perfect example of a person who was using the fact that he had been with a lot
of women to beef up his ego, to make him feel more important and make him feel like he's
more attractive to everybody.
So when you're dealing with narcissists you see that, where they have multiple conquests
and become addicted to sex in that way.
Another way that they do it, which is kind of like the opposite of that is they actually
have no sex with anybody at all, because they're addicted to porn or masturbating on their
own because they don't want to be controlled by another person.
Because they can't have intimacy with another person.
They don't want to have vulnerability with another person.
So that's another thing that you'll see with narcissists sometimes as well.
A lot of times what you see with narcissists is that they will start having other kinds
of conquests too, such as with prostitutes and things like that.
I mean, sometimes they have a perfectly loving spouse at home, but yet you see them off with
prostitutes because that's a way of them feeling more attractive, of feeling dangerous, of
taking risks, of being with someone who's going to be willing to do the kinds of things
that the spouse maybe isn't willing to do.
Because you do see that with narcissists sometimes where they expect more and more and more from
a spouse.
If they don't do it, then they tell the spouse, well, I'm just going to go find it somewhere
else then.
It's a way of controlling the spouse by saying, hey if you're not willing to do S and M with
me, or you're not willing to do a threesome, or you're not willing to engage in these crazy
positions.
I've seen situations in divorces where the husband was forcing the wife to have sex with
another man while he watched and he set up video cameras in their bedrooms.
So he wasn't there when it happened, but he wanted her to go out, find someone, have sex
with this person in their bedroom, with the cameras on, so that he could watch.
She didn't want to have to do that anymore.
That is a perfect example of somebody who is being psychologically abused by their spouse.
If you think that this is just not okay, give me a not okay in the comments.
So just remember that sex and narcissism are symbiotically intertwined with each other.
Very often narcissists use sex as a way of gas lighting their partners, psychologically
abusing their partners, exerting control over their partners and making their partners miserable
and causing drama, trauma, and chaos for their partners.
If you are seeing this and you are just so ready to get the hell out of this relationship,
make sure you check out my videos on, do this to move on from a narcissist parts one and
two, and I will drop links to both of those below.
If you're getting ready to negotiate with the narcissist, make sure you grab my free
Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet.
It's 15 pages, it's basically an ebook it's totally free.
You can either grab it from the link below or just go to winmynegotiation.com and get
yours.
If you want to connect with other people who are dealing with narcissists please join my
free private Facebook group, it's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung And I'll drop
a link to that below so you can just click on it and join.
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If you haven't watched parts one and two of this series on narcissism and sex now's a
good time to go and check those out too.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm so glad that you stopped by.
Remember that today's a great day to start negotiating your best life, and I'll see you
in the next video.