Hey guys, so in this video
we're going to do something a little different.
I’m going to tell you a true story about
50 first dates project
that I did a few years ago
and give you some intel on
how those dates went
and what men were doing right
and what mistakes men were making
that you can learn from.
So, if you're new to my channel,
my name is Anna Jorgensen.
Welcome to just the tip Tuesday.
So, just a little pretext.
Five years ago I was on the market
and dating and shouldn't have been
because I was going through
very turbulent time in my life.
My mom was diagnosed with cancer
and I was going back and forth to her home
or where she was,
she was living with my sister.
Anyway, to help out
and then you know,
I was there for the last few months.
Anyways, was not in the frame of mind.
So, the first thing you're going to
learn from this is that
when you're meeting someone
she might not be
in a place in her life
where she's ready for you.
So, that's the first thing
before we even go into the date
details that you need to know is that
you can do everything right
and it just might not be the right timing.
I've said in other videos
might be that
she's batting for the other team,
she might be in a happy relationship,
she might just come out of a bad relationship
and she needs some time
or she's a bit messed up.
She's got health issues... That's me.
Or death in the family or whatever.
Like, or I mean sure, the possibility is that
she's just not interested.
But if you focus on that
then it's going to hinder you
from wanting to approach women because
you're going to train your brain that
the rejection is personal
when it doesn't have to be.
Even if it is personal
trick yourself into thinking
it's about her not you.
Because otherwise it will
destroy your confidence, okay.
Let's get into the date details.
And I want to let you know also
this was just at the beginning of
me starting coaching officially
like, as my full-time gig.
And so, it was a bit of a research project,
but I did let
all the guys know what I was doing.
So, you know, I wasn't using them
we were using each other.
They would get a report on
things that they did well and things that they didn't do as well
and it only cost them
whatever they would pay for a normal date.
So, it might have been a cup of coffee,
might have been a lunch, dinner, whatever it was.
They got to choose
and as long as I felt safe
I would show up and
do a regular date not an interview
like from a dating coach,
just a regular date
and then give them feedback.
And at the time
I did think that
I was on the market.
Like, I was actively
looking for a person because
I'd been single for quite a long time
working on myself.
And also had gone through
a bunch of other things that kind of
prevented me from being available.
And then I just started you know,
dating again and then my mom got sick
and that was really major for me.
So, I have written about that elsewhere
if you want to read about it...
It might make you cry,
made me cry, might still make me cry.
Anyway, so the first guy that I went on
50 first dates with was
an engineer I believe.
And he was around 50.
I’m turning 50 in may, haha yo.
So, this's five years ago so, it was like a pretty close
age match I would think.
Not that age matters,
there's videos on that if that
is something of interest to you.
And oh, no, he worked in the government.
That's what it was, he worked in the government.
I had to refer to my notes
because it was such a long time ago.
He had two kids they were grown and gone,
which is good for me because
I’m allergic to little kids.
So, we had agreed to meet
at a loungey place somewhat near
where I was living at the time.
Which was great because
I think I had already
gotten rid of my car at that time
I live downtown Vancouver.
So, everything's within walking distance
and I am an environmentalist
so that was like a win-win.
Plus I was really broke for a while there at the beginning.
Anyways, so that was a good move
like, choosing somewhere that was
within my range.
And he... I can't remember
if he offered to pick me up or not.
If he had it would have been
gentlemanly to do,
but don't expect that unless
you know her from your social circles
that she's going to want to be picked up
because of safety.
So, if you live in a small town
and have a bunch of you know, common friends
then she might feel more safe.
If you're living in a city
she's probably going to want to meet you somewhere.
So, definitely choose a place that
she's going to feel
comfortable and safe.
Another thing is
it was a Thursday at 5:00 P.M
and a loungey place.
That is a good choice because
it's not going to be as busy
because it's a lounge.
So, it's probably going to be
before the crowds hit
and it's a Thursday so it's not a weekend.
You want to try and avoid
weekends on a first date
if possible because
one, it kind of makes you look
really available, which might be okay,
but isn't always necessarily.
What you should be doing is offering up
your prime nights to
someone you've never met before.
They sort of have to kind of earn the ranks
to get to the weekend dates.
So, if you hold yourself
to a bit of a higher standard
and give her a week day date
then it sort of
elevates your value a little bit
because she doesn't know what plans you have on the weekend.
She doesn't... Unless you tell her,
but don't tell her.
Then she will wonder if you know,
you're busy and you probably should be
because then if you have a life
then that makes you more attractive.
Okay, next another nice thing
about this fellow was that
when I met him he looked like his photos.
He didn't try to pull a bait and switch with
some photo that was
really old or you know, misleading
back when he was fitter or younger
or had hair or whatever.
So, you want to make sure that
if you are meeting women
on dating sites or apps
that you actually look substantially
the same as your photos.
Yes, women should do the same thing too
no, they don't always do that.
You know, you want to present
something that's maybe 10 percent better
than what you actually are
in real life normally.
Because if it's too far off
of what you actually look like
then she's going to automatically
feel deceived and disappointed.
And I actually commented him
on his appearance
because I was pleasantly surprised
that he did look like his photo.
And he did blush a little bit
and kind of looked down in a way
in a sort of bashful way,
which I actually found endearing
because it showed him to be humble.
Not every woman
needs a man who's humble.
A lot of women do appreciate it
but it's not something necessarily
that's a deal breaker or a deal maker
for other women.
Some women actually like a man
who's a bit cocky that's not me.
So, when I do by the way, side note.
When I do a video saying
what all women want,
it really truly is what all women want.
I’m not going to give you all the specifics
of what I want because I don't want you
to be trying to do something
that would be specific to me
that is not general for most women, all right.
Carrying on with the story.
Okay, so he also waited for me
at the entrance instead of being seated.
So, he waited until I arrived
I was on time, always be on time.
And then allowed the hostess
to seat us and I remember this.
When she sat us it was sort of a...
There was a booth and then a table
and then not a booth but
one side was sort of a bench seat
and then the other side was a chair.
And initially, he allowed me
to have a bench seat,
which had my back to a wall
facing the door.
As well slight perception here
that women notice is
if you are on the side that views
the most of the venue that you're in
then every time you look around
out of distraction
or if there's a hot waitress,
she's going to notice that distraction
and it's not going to be attractive.
So, two things happen here.
One, he did allow me to sit
facing the venue or the lounge area
and he sat in a chair facing me,
which was essentially facing me and the wall.
So, you know, he didn't have the better seat,
but what happened there was
the seat was really low
and so I was like way up higher than him
and it felt weird like.
So, I can't remember
it was him or me that said
do you want to switch places?
I think I said it, I did.
So, I offered to switch places
and he did accept.
Especially for you guys who are
concerned about your height.
Like, if you're shorter choose the higher spot
because you will feel...
Well, you'll feel taller
and it's always better...
There's a whole bunch of side notes in this video,
it's going to go all over the place.
If you're new to my channel,
this is not how my videos normally go,
but it is in this one.
So, watch some other ones if you
just want the straight good video we all want to learn.
Okay and I had one glass of wine.
I would also suggest that
if you're on a first date then
you actually don't really want to
spend too long together.
Like, three hours in one place
is a bit too long.
I mean if you're really engaging that's great,
but it's better for you to actually
pick one spot and if things go well
then have a backup plan
to go to another location
to continue the date.
Whether it's sort of something similar.
Like, maybe you can have drinks then you go somewhere...
You know if it goes well
you might invite her for dinner or
you might go somewhere else or you might
maybe not for dinner but for dessert or
whatever depending on the time of day.
Or you could you know,
if you really are enjoying her company
a backup plan always in your mind.
Maybe we'll go bowling or
maybe we'll go somewhere fun afterwards.
Because the more places that you go
the more dates that it seems like.
So, what that means is that
she can bond with you
on a three different location date,
one date.
More so than one location
for the same amount of time.
So, it's almost like instead of having...
You're on your first date,
if you've gone to three locations
or two or whatever.
If she keeps wanting to
continue to spend time with you
it's like you're on more dates.
And of course as you know,
the more dates you're on the more likely
that she likes you
and the more likely that
you're going to be able to initiate
intimate connection, maybe a kiss.
And it's going to be
welcomed and or reciprocated.
So, that's a better way to gauge
her level of attraction and interest
than just sitting in one location.
One location is fine
for getting to know each other but
you could be in the friend zone in one location.
But if she wants to actually spend
more time with you doing other things
then that's a greater indicator
of level of interest that's higher.
Regarding alcohol, okay, so alcohol.
I had one I probably only
will ever have one because
no one wants to see me dance on the tables.
Well, maybe you guys do but I don't.
I’m definitely lightweight.
So, he had three.
Normally I would say kind of limit it.
Limit your drinking to maybe two
because if you drink alcohol at all.
And of course if you're
within the legal limits to be able to drink.
But you don't want to get drunk
it's really unattractive.
When you get to the point where
you're visibly not necessarily even intoxicated
but under the influence,
it's not attractive.
Now, he had three
but we were there for three hours
so there was no sign of that
so that is acceptable.
He told me his story I told him my story
that I've been on a sabbatical
and I was ready to date again
though with a disclaimer
ahh, my disclaimer.
The next guy that beds this girl
weds this girl.
Essentially, I’m not interested in or
I was saying I was not interested in casual ***
Oh, okay here's a good one.
So, then I changed the topic
and I asked him,
what would you do
if you won 10 million dollars?
So, this is a significant question
to ask whether you're
a woman or a man actually.
Because it will really tell you more about
the person's character
and personality and values
than asking them where they grew up
and you know, how many siblings do they have
and you know what's their job details
and what do they do for fun
and all that stuff.
So, if you ask them a question like
what would you do with 10 million dollars?
Then you're going to
find out more about the person.
So, he replied immediately.
Snapped his fingers for emphasis,
I'd quit my job and travel.
So, what that says to me is
he doesn't absolutely love his job.
Like, I can tell you right now
if I won 10 million dollars
I would continue doing these videos
because I really enjoy it.
I did it for three years
without making any money
and not knowing if I'd
ever make money and I just kept going.
And it's not a bad thing
if you want to quit your job and go traveling,
but it does say something.
So, if someone, the answer is
I would quit my job and go you know,
work with the needy children.
Or I would buy a big mansion
or I would buy a Lamborghini
or you know, whatever the answer is.
It's going to reflect more about the person
than other various things that you can ask them
that are really kind of boring, boring.
And then at the end of the evening
he asked if he could walk me home because
one, he may have just wanted to be
chivalrous and make me feel safe walking home
even though it wasn't really that late
and frankly it was generally safe.
But he also probably wanted to gauge
whether or not he was going to be able to kiss me.
So, I said no.
Oh, golly.
But I did say that
I wanted to see him again.
But I did regret it as soon as I said it
because I kind of knew
I didn't want to see him again
simply because of everything that was
going on in my life.
And this will happen sometimes guys.
If a woman agrees to see you again
or she might even allow you to kiss her
and then things don't
go anywhere from there.
So, if she says yes
and then changes her mind
she may not want to
disappoint you in the moment or feel awkward.
So, she is cowardly
lioness rejecting you later
rather than in that very moment,
which I know sucks.
I’m sorry I did that too.
If she has allowed you to kiss her
and she was interested up to that point,
it may be the same thing
she's just not really sure.
And she wanted to test the kiss to see
if it's worth exploring more.
And maybe it wasn't the greatest kiss,
maybe it's you're not a very good kisser,
or maybe the pheromones weren't there
or who knows what?
Or maybe Chad showed up.
You know, finally returned her text.
So, again don't worry about it
but like, do what you can
and don't worry about the rest.
Oh, yeah and I did like I said
he was my first date and I did tell him
what I was doing and at the time
I said you know, I am on the market,
but I’m also doing this 50 first dates project.
And so, he did have an issue with that,
which I don't blame him.
Like, who would want to actually meet up with a woman
and have rapport with her and then be like,
oh, okay, well, I guess I'll have to wait
another 49 dates to see if
she might really like me
or if she meets someone else along the way.
So, I understand that at the same time
if it was someone I was actually
really truly interested in two things would happen.
One, I might have ditched the rest of my project
or two, if he would have been okay with it
to allow me to do the research
I would have changed my M O
in the whole project
and said I’m not on the market
but I will you know,
provide a date to get this research done
if you're interested.
So, yeah, anyways, right.
And even then I was,
I wasn't feel... Like, I was I already had health issues.
So, I was really only willing to set aside
about three hours a week for
a plus one, which is not enough
for a real relationship.
You know like if... I mean, sure that's great
if you're just interested in you know,
friends with benefits or
you know something casual.
But if you actually want to build a relationship
three hours a week it's not enough.
And like I just didn't have the energy
for more than that or the time
because shortly after this
I was going home to help out
with my mom quite a bit.
Let's see.
So, for this date
the significant takeaways were
for me genuine modesty is attractive
I would probably say,
most emotionally healthy women
appreciate modesty.
The ones who have ego
are going to want or maybe
more appreciative of men who are
showy, flashy, cocky, braggy, whatever.
And that's not a bad thing
it's just a matter of do you match with that?
Like, if you're someone who wants to
drive a nice sports car and you know,
have your woman proud of you for that then
that's great, that's that means
that's a match.
Me, I’m allergic to red fancy cars.
Like, that's not my gig but that's me.
So, when a man is sitting below
or lower than
kind of takes away from
his masculine confidence
both in his eyes and in her eyes,
swap seats.
Booze keep a level head,
intoxication is not sexy
unless you know, you're both into that.
Well, then maybe it's what you're into.
This is what I wrote.
If a girl tells you right off
that her clam isn't open for business
without a commitment believe her.
Maybe believe her actions.
However, point,
if you want
to settle down without settling,
you do want to have a woman
that has some standards.
The 10 million dollar question
will tell you more about who they really are.
Don't feel like you have
to kiss on the first date,
but if you liked her and you don't
go in for the kiss when she's showing
signs of it,
then you definitely have
to text her and say
I should have kissed you.
Why didn't I kiss you? I wanted to kiss you.
Can I kiss you?
So, if she's shown signs
and you just got cold feet and you didn't do it,
she... Women have insecurities too.
She might wonder if you're like
not interested in her
or if you're not kind of
sorry but stepping up as a man.
Like, if she wanted to and she was willing to
and you don't then,
kind of makes her feel
like she's a whore
because she wanted to and was willing.
Like, come on do it
and I always say
no matter how you meet, if you do meet online,
online dating is like dumpster diving for diamonds
it takes a lot of work.
Like, filtering through the rubbish
to find a gem it's work.
But the alternative is alone and lonely.
So, whether it's online
or in the real world
again, watch my video on
where to meet women in the real world even now.
I met actually another guy the other day.
If you actually are considering online dating
then you probably want to take my
double your online dating program.
It's cheap like borscht used to be.
And it will actually give you
some real world tips.
Not just for online dating,
but for general online communication
like texting and
when to send pictures and that sort of thing.
So, check it out super cheap.
And let me know
if you've made any of these mistakes
or these non-mistakes,
good things that the g-man
government man not g-spot,
did in his first date with me.
If you like this video,
if you want another one like this
let me know in the comments, thanks bye.
(Music)