♪ Ooh, look what you made me do ♪
Say what you will about Taylor Swift.
But there is no other artist that consistently puts out
songs that make me want to set myself on fire and jump out the window.
[crows cawing]
Ah, yes... Symbolism.
See, crows are famous for caw-lling people out on their bullshit.
“Here lies Taylor Swift’s reputation.”
This must be where they buried all the songs where she sung melodies the whole time too.
♪ Thriller Thriller nights ♪
[Kristin mouthing the beat of “Thriller”
♪ I don’t like your little games ♪
Oh, that poor thing. Aren’t they gonna any put make up on her?
Look out, Carl. T-Swift is a Walker now.
♪ The role you made me play ♪
‘I don’t like the role you made me play’?
I’m sorry. Didn’t you cast this entire thing?
♪ No, I don’t like you ♪
What’s with that accent?
It’s like she was trying to change her Southern drawl and over-corrected it.
And now she sounds like Hayden Christensen.
♪ No, I don’t like sand ♪
♪ It’s rough, coarse ♪
♪ It gets everywhere ♪
♪ But I got smarter ♪
♪ I got harder In the nick of time ♪
That’s what every 14-year old boy is gonna say in the Squad-U section of this video.
♪ Honey, I rose up from the dead ♪
♪ I do it all the time ♪
It’s Khaleesi, Mother of Drag Queens.
♪ I got a list of names ♪
♪ And yours is in red, underlined ♪
Snake waiters.
Why did it have to be snake waiters?
I always knew Taylor was a Slytherin.
Mmm... Snake tea.
Have y’all been to that place where the snakes serve you tea?
Sss-fun.
Although I didn’t like the sss-service.
Ah, she’s sipping tea.
Because that’s slang now for ‘talking gossip?’
At least that’s what I read in my millenial-manac.
♪ I check it once ♪
♪ Then I check it twice ♪
So... basically Taylor is Santa?
If Santa had a beef with every kid on the naughty list that he refused to let go
and kept making music videos about.
Taylor Swift has more enemies than the final level of a video game.
♪ Ooh, look what you made me do ♪
[Kristin gasps] Taylor, are you hurt?
Just shake it off.
♪ Look what you just me made do ♪
♪ Look what you just made me— ♪
‘Look what you made me do’?
You’re gonna need a better excuse for wrecking your car when the cops show up to file—
Actually... You’re an attract white woman. That should work.
When was the last time Taylor Swift wrote a song about a thing that she actually likes?
Is there anything in her life that she likes?
♪ Ooh, look what you made me do ♪
Remember that old Eddie Murphy bit?
That was like... ♪ I got some ice cream. And you can’t have none. ♪
By today’s standards, that’s a No. 1 hit.
♪ The world moves on ♪
♪ Another day ♪
♪ Another drama ♪
Does that bank vault belong to Beyoncé?
‘Cause you’re really ripping her off.
♪ But not for me, not for me ♪
♪ All I think about is karma ♪
Another day, another drama.
Not for me, though.
I just want you to die and burn in hell for what you did to me.
And I’m gonna come and get you.
Karma’s coming for you, bitch!
That’s not drama!
That’s exactly what drama is?
Okay.
I guess I do like drama.
It’s like everything in this song is contradicted by the song’s existence.
♪ Ooh, look what you me do ♪
Did we make you steal the chorus from “I’m Too Sexy?”
Is that what we made you do?
I’m sorry.
The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now.
First of, the new Taylor would text.
The old Taylor didn’t use a rotary phone.
“I’m sorry the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now.”
“But she did leave me with this cool telephone vocal effect that she used to use on all of her bridges.”
Why?
Oh...
‘Cause she’s dead.
I don’t believe it.
You gotta really put something more behind it.
“I’m sorry.”
“The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now.”
“Why?”
“‘Cause she’s dead.”
Like that.
Yeah... She died.
It was a terrible accident.
She was patting herself on the back so hard that she actually cracked her own spine.
This is exactly how I found out my Nana died.
But then Nana showed up and was like, “Oh, that was the old Nana. I’m Memaw now.”
“I’m reinventing myself. Haha!”
♪ Look what you made me do I didn’t take my pills ♪
♪ Ooh, look what you made me do ♪
Bad news, guys.
The new Taylor can’t dance either.
There she goes playing the victim again.
[Taylor and the snake hiss]
If you have a snake, you don’t also have to say “Hiss.”
When I shoot a gun, I don’t also yell “BANG!”
The snake had one line and you had to step on it?
I’m not really seeing a big difference between old petty Taylor and new petty Taylor.
I’d rather listen to Tom Petty or James Taylor.
I’m old.
It’s really cool that Taylor credited Right Said Fred for using their hook basically.
But I think they left out some other songs that need credit.
♪ Supersonic motivating... ♪
♪ Oh, me so horny ♪
[beat from “Operate” by Peaches plays]
♪ Ooh, look what you made me— ♪
Is this the most expensive temper tantrum ever thrown on film?
‘Look what you made me do’.
That reminds me of something that, like, Joe Pesci or Tony Soprano
would say to somebody they’re beating up.
“Look what you made me do.”
“You walked right into my fist like 500 times.”
♪ Look what you’s made me do ♪
♪ Your head dented my shoe ♪
♪ You’s made me make your face Look like a pile of gabagool ♪