Tom (VO):My dear friend Josh,
you are cordially invited to the after party for Crimson Peak.
Since this is an exclusive and intimate affair,
we ask that you don’t bring any other guests.
Jessica and I look forward very much to seeing you.
And not murdering you in any way at all,
(laughing),
hugs and kisses, T.
(laughing),
JOSH: Hey guys
TOM: See? I told you he’d come. JESS: Oh goodie, goodie goodie. JOSH: Am I early?
TOM: Early? You’re right on time my man. Jess: This party is raging!! Off the hook! Jess & Tom: Woo, woo, woo, woo!
(Laughing)
Tom: Hey Jess, we’re being so rude… Jess: Yeah… Tom: Josh, would you like something to eat?
Jess: We're all out of rice cakes
Josh’s phone rings.
Tom: So rude. Josh: It’s a work call, sorry guys
Tom: Uh, uh, uhh. Hand it over Mister Horowitz.
This is a party
no work allowed you naughty little sausage.
Josh: what are you…
Josh: What the hell was that? That was a new phone!
Jess: Josh
that phone had to die so our friendship can live.
Tom and Jess take turns kissing Josh’s face. Josh: Okay…okay…okay…
Tom: Is it just me or is it time to get the party started?
Jess: yes! Tom: You know, lets Partyyy!!
Hit it Freddy! Freddy plays music. Jess and Tom start dancing.
Josh: What is happening? Tom: He’s the hottest DJ in Slovenia
Jess: Wooo! Feel this beat!
Tom (riding a child’s wooden rocking horse): I’m a cowboy! I’m a cowboy!
Jess: On a steel horse you ride! Tom: Come on sista!
Josh: That’s not right. Jess: Josh come here! Your turn!
Tom: NO! *Music Stops* He doesn’t like it! Freddy go!
Jess: No, no, no! Tom: We don’t need it anymore Freddy, he doesn’t like it! Why doesn’t he like It?
Josh: It’s not my thing. Tom (looking out window ‘crying’): I just wanted it to be a good party!
Jess: Josh, I think your negative energy is really upsetting Tom.
Tom crying.
Jess: He’s gentle. He’s a sensitive soul that guy. Why don’t you throw yourself into this?
Josh nods: Okay…Lets play a game. How about a party game?
Jess: Tom! A party game! Tom: I love party games. Two truths and a lie?
Jess: YES! I love that game I love that game so much! I love it!!
Tom: Okay so here we go, okay so I killed a homeless man,
I like eating kittens for breakfast
and I have green eyes.
Jess: Everyone knows you don’t have green eyes. Tom: Baby blues!
Josh: Um, okay, don’t take this the wrong way but, I think I’m gunna leave
because you guys have been acting really oddly and I’ve been feeling really uncomfortable
and you guys honestly are super weird. Thank you for the invite but I’m gunna leave.
Tom: Look I’m just not good at making friends okay?! Tom storms away.
Jess: What did I say about him being sensitive you heartless bastard?!
Tom: I know I’m weird…I just, I’ve never been to a party
you know I had to throw a party to go to one. How sad is that?
At the end of Avengers when everyone was living it up and partying,
Mark Ruffalo locked me in a port-o-pottyâ
it was really stinky.
Tom: And I know I seem like a clown but,
I’m just, simple old Tommy H.
I just want to go to a party…that’s all I want.
Josh: Tom I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it
I’m awkward, we’re all awkward. Let’s just have a good time.
Tom: Yeah? You really mean that?
Cause you know, that’s what Hemsworth said before he filled my Loki helmet with Jell-O
Jess: Josh, if you break his heart,
I’m going to stick my hand down your throat, and pull your dick off from the inside.
Josh: Of course I mean it Tom. We can do anything you guys want, let’s have fun
Tom: Okay, let’s dance! Jess: Everybody pair up!
Josh: Who am I supposed to dance with?
Jess: He’s having a really good time. Tom: He’s having a great time. Jess: We’re throwing a good party!
Josh: Hey guys thanks for watching this edition of after hours, remember to subscribe, like and comment below.
Tom: And we’ll see you on the next one.