So, everyday people move in front of you. They move their hands, they move their
face, they move their body. That's called reading body language. And today, you're
going to learn the beginning steps of reading body language.
How do you read body language, right? You know, you want you're interested now. You
know, you want to... You clicked on this video and you're going, "Okay, what's this
guy get him teach me about reading body language?" Well, I most likely I'm going to
come from a different direction than what most people are going to talk to
you about. And so, pay attention or these 3 different beginning steps about
how to read body language. Because I'm a street smarts guy. I didn't get certified
by somebody else. I didn't go take a test. I didn't go read a book. This is all Kirk
Duncan's going to figure out what people are saying. Because I don't want to be
lied to and I don't want to be manipulated and I don't want to be taken
advantage of and I don't want additional problems in my life. So, I started to pay
attention. Started to pay attention watching people. Noticing what they do.
Noticing what's happening. How are they sitting? How they moving? How they doing
what they're doing? Yeah, there's a bunch of words flying out of their mouth. But I
know from experience it's not the whole story.
No, people edit what they say. People say things to please people. They don't tell
the truth. People are pleasers. They just want to
please everybody thinking if I just say what's going to please somebody then we're
all going to get along great. No! Truth sets us free not made up pleasing story. So, I
want to watch for where information is missing. So, I don't have to have extra
problems in my life, right? I don't want to have those, you don't want to have
those. So let's talk about how to read by language from a street smarts
point of view? Well, right off from the very beginning, reading body language is
going to actually bring up some very, very high awareness. And high awareness
looks like this. People say one thing but their movements are saying something
else. So, it creates a contradiction. Now, when somebody speaks and
and their body language actually matches what they're saying, oh, that's okay. You
can follow along with that person. But it's when when they say something and
what they're actually... And their movements are 2 different things. Like
let's say I'm explaining to some my children how much I love them. And I do
this. You know guys, I totally love you. And I fold my arms. Compared to I
got 3 boys. Hey guys. Hey guys, I love you. Thanks for
being here at the house for Sunday dinner. Super cool to see you. Love you. So,
they're seeing me touch my heart. Or before they saw me like this. That's 2
different things. 2 different things. So, the first part about reading body
language is for you to notice the contradictions. And when you see
contradictions, you stop the conversation and you clarify. You don't just let it go
on. You see reading body language is empowering you of when to interrupt the
conversation and literally clarify in the moment. Because when somebody doesn't
make sense and you let them keep talking, then you start to just fall for what
they're saying. You fall into it. You start to believe what they say. But
you're noticing the contradictions. When you see a contradiction between body
language and what a person's saying, you pause. And go, "Hey, hey, hey. Tom, Tom. Hold on
a second. What were you saying? Did you mean this
or did you mean this?" But you don't tell them that you're reading their body
language. Never, ever, ever tell somebody you're reading your body language. But
they have their word message and then they have their movement message. And if
they don't match and line up and they're off, you got to say something. Because we... If we
are in on clarification, then we're actually improving the conversation in
the moment. So, part of you know reading by language is empower
you to notice when it's unclear. And I got to say something because it's
unclear and I want to know what is the real thing here in this conversation. So,
first thing about reading by language is just noticing if their movements match
what they're saying. Literally match. Lineup. And if they don't line up and
they're not even close, you get to pause them and get some clarification. Second
part is where is the body language taking the story? Where's it taking it? Is
it getting better? Is it going up and getting better? Is that.. Or it is the...
Here's the story and where's the body language taking? Is that body language
making this story were sort of making this story better? So, I like to watch
people because... Let's say they're talking about their kids and then I go, "Oh, my
gosh. I love my kids. And you know, my kids I just really love them. And I just
love my kids." Well, number 1. That's a contradiction. And this is a downward
story. It's a downward story. And so meaning that they are doing this while
they're saying they love someone. Love plus a punch is not an upgrade. Love plus
a punch is a downgrade. So, I look for where is it taking them. And so if it
doesn't make sense like, "Wait a minute. They said love and this looks like a
contradiction." And it's also taking it down, I need to speak up. I need to speak
up and go, "Whoa! Your kids okay? You really... You're okay with your kids?
Everything okay? Everything good?" And then I get to find out if it's true or not. So,
reading body language is not just standing there sitting there staring at
people and trying to figure them out. Reading body language is a way for you
to be interactive with the conversation and correcting it. "Oh, but Kirk what if I
can and they're up on stage or they're on TV." That's a whole different thing. I'm
talking about real-life body language reading here. You're not reading... You're
not going to go read books and go to classes and study about body language. So
you watch people on TV and watch people on
stages and somebody that's 100 feet from you. No, body language is to
be used here right now with your spouse, with your kids, with your employees, with
your team, with your boss, with your whoever. Body language is to be used to
correct the conversation. That's what it's used for, is to correct the
conversation. So, we can clarify. Because people edit their words. They don't edit
their body language. There's a small percentage that do. Like half a
percentage of people know how to do that. But 99.5% of people don't edit their
body language. So, you are using body language and what they say is a way of
measuring to see if there's something off of what's going on and then you get
involved in the conversation to find the clarification. So you know if this is
going up or down and you don't have to have any miscommunications anymore
because you know what a contradiction looks for. Now, sometimes people... You know
and they do this and they're talking about their kids. You don't know if they
need to have a conversation to cope with what's going on or if they have
something in their life they need to correct what's going on. Now, I don't
jump into correcting people's lives. I like to help, you know? Like, "Whoa! It kind
of looks like something's up with your kids. Because you... You know." I don't...
You do not tell them that you saw this. You just say, "You know, I kind of sense
and feel that something's up with your kids. Everything okay with your kids?"
"Oh, yeah. We're totally fine." "Oh, some... You okay with your kids? Your kids
are okay with you?" Because I'm checking in to see if they need some help. And
which way is this story going because I saw a contradiction. Body language is
here for us to actually be engaged with the conversation more than our ears
we're activating our eyes so that we can see what's happening. And when something
doesn't look right, I mean just forget everything I just
showed you here and just go simple here with me. Body languages so that we can
see what's happening. We are fully engaged in the conversation. And we're
going to help that person speak as much truth as possible. We're not
interrogators. Not interrogators. We don't interrogate people and 50-question them
till I get them to clarify. We're very gentle. We watch, we notice, we
ask questions to clarify. And we actually help people communicate better.
That's what we do. People who read body language help others communicate more
clearly. That's where... That's why it's street smarts for me. Because I've been
taking advantage of ripped off stolen from and it's like, "Okay, this is our happy
anymore." And I was terrible at communication, couldn't understand my
wife, couldn't understand my kids, I needed to pay attention. And I try to
listen to everything people are saying. But it wasn't the full story. So, reading
body language helps me see literally, see the rest of the story. I know we get
involved. We get involved in the moment. We don't just sit there staring at
someone analyze trying to process what's going on with them. There's all different
levels and reasons to read body language. But I can tell you right now. If you
would look for the contradictions, just go with number one. Look for the
contradictions, ask questions to clarify. In the moment, you'll have more truth to
work with between you and that person. More truth. And when you and that other
person in communication can work with more truth, you will have more progress.
But when the information is distorted and in contradiction... When it's distorted
and in contradiction, you're going to have problems. And the problems will get
between you and that person. And now then you have relationhip
problems. Miscommunication or poor communication problems will become
relationship problems. It just happens. We must get better at communication. It's us.
It's totally us. And so when you see this, gently, politely when they're done
talking, ask for clarification. And now, you've activated your ability to read
body language. You're an active listener. Good job. Hey and don't worry. Stay close.
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