You are so stupid. What? Why would you say that to me? What do you mean? Why are you so offended?
I was just kidding. You're so sensitive.
That's how narcissists treat you. That's one of the many ways they verbally
manipulate you and today at queenbeing.com,
that's exactly what we're talking about. Why narcissists insult you and then say I was just kidding. Let's get started.
My name is Angie Atkinson and on this channel, I offer free daily video coaching to help you discover, understand and overcome
narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships. I like to call it toxic relationship rehab, so if that sounds good to you, hit that subscribe button
and we'll get going.
Narcissists are masters of
language
manipulation. Narcissist will use their words to
manipulate you, coerce you, deceive you, seduce you and generally mislead you.
They have absolutely no qualms when it comes to manipulating the people they claim to love. In fact,
I think that on many levels, verbal abuse, verbal trickery,
that's their stick. They seem to have a natural talent for it. Of course they devalue their victims
and intentionally verbally coerce them into
feeling like they're not good enough
like they can't get another person even if they want another person and the worst part is that these mind games are incredibly damaging to
the people they use them against. So if you have been the victim of this, then you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Now they do this in all kinds of different ways. They gaslight, they project, they deflect. These are all things.
But this video is specifically about the insult
and then the "I didn't mean it" or "I was only kidding" or "I was just joking" or "You're too sensitive"
kind of thing. So they throw out the criticism and then when you react to it, they go
"I'm just kidding, I'm just joking, you're too sensitive." La la la. They know very well that you're hurt by this comment.
They know for sure but yet
they continue to do this because it's just another way to control you. It further conditions you to accept their behavior. This video
I'm making because one of my viewers said to me "Why do they do that I'm just kidding thing?
Why do they insult you or poke you in the most painful possible way and then go what I'm just kidding
Not only is it infuriating
but it makes you doubt yourself and it allows them to control you on a level that they shouldn't be allowed to control you on.
You become mentally crippled by this.
I mean it's literally emotional abuse, but it's kind of like an emotional attack that almost feels physical
but that's why it's so important for you to recognize it and
be aware of these techniques because I have found in my own life and in my own recovery that
understanding the techniques really makes them far less effective because if I know okay,
this person's just doing this to manipulate me and hurt me
then I can handle it and see it for what it is and not feel
overwhelmed and ruined by it. It kind of helps you put up a little shield for yourself.
You know what I'm talking about? So if you've already suffered abuse from a narcissist you already know what I'm talking about.
But it does help to understand the reasons and the ways that they operate in order to help you in your recovery process.
Sometimes it helps you to even recognize the abuse at all.
You know a lot of times people tell me I had no idea what this was until I found your channel
and that's why I do videos like this. This is what I call a discovery video.
It's how you learn to see what you've dealt with and start to recognize
what abuse was happening to you and this way, you can begin to heal and recover and do better for yourself. Know this: if you
reacted in a rude or upsetting or distressing way and that bothers you, know that you were only reacting to the narcissist's abuse
and it's not your fault.
The narcissist is going to try to attempt to convince you that it makes you an abuser to react to their abuse.
It's a common tactic. It's kind of like
low-level stealth abuse if you think about it. It starts out really subtly and as the relationship proceeds and continues, it gets more and more
brutal and if you were raised by a narcissist, you may never remember not hearing this kind of abuse.
But the "I'm just kidding" or "you're too sensitive thing" is ridiculous
and it's something that happens more often that I would like to admit but
narcissist they do. They just insult you, they attack you and then when you get upset about it, they go "You're so sensitive.
I'm just joking." geez or something along that line. What this does is it teaches you to tolerate literally
whatever they want to say about you. It teaches you to accept their verbal abuse because you realize that if you do respond to it
in a way that a normal human being would which is to be offended then
they can just flip it all around and be like "So sensitive. Why are you like that?
You are the one with the problem. Not me.
I was just kidding. Anybody else would have known that."
When in reality, no one else would have known that. It's just not done by people who care about other people. Think about it.
How often could you insult the narcissist and then go "Ah yeah, that's funny. It's very funny. I like that."
Yeah, see the thing is the narcissist has an uncanny way of
finding your biggest, deepest, darkest insecurities and using them against you
and this is exactly how they do it. So for example, if you were a person who felt a little bit insecure about her weight
or his weight and your narcissist made all these fat jokes and then told you what are you talking about? I'm just kidding.
There's an example because that would be very painful to you and in the process of doing that and
and and you're not being allowed to respond in a way that's normal or healthy, the narcissist
basically gets to tease you and taught you about something that they know you're very sensitive about and you then
become less and less secure in yourself.
They gain more and more control over you
and you're so much less likely to leave them if that's the case.
Because you probably think I can't get anyone else and in fact, very often a narcissist will tell you no one else would want you.
Nobody likes you. All my friends hate you or whatever. Why do you think you don't have any friends anymore?
They don't mention the fact that they've worked to isolate you in the process and that's why all your friends seem to have backed away.
But in reality, that's the problem. By the way be sure you check
the cards above and the links in the description below because I'm going to share with you some more ways that
narcissists use to manipulate and abuse us and techniques that you can use to change your mind and change your life
So how do you deal with it?
Well when you know better, you do better.
So now instead of reacting at all when they do that, you just look at them, and you accept their limitations.
They are limited. They are incapable of being nice decent human beings.
It's a fact and I'm sorry to be so blunt about it
but the fact of the matter is if you look at a narcissist who's insulting you and in your head you go
"That's a limitation. They can't help themselves.
They're doing that because they want to control me and hurt me.
But I'm better than that and I'm not gonna let them do that." Start there.
Change your mind.
Change your perception.
And while you're doing that, start thinking about your exit plan if you haven't yet.
Tell me in the comments below what you think. This is a question of the day. Have you had a narcissist come to you,
attacked you verbally and then deny it or pretend that it was a joke and
minimize your pain or attack you for feeling upset about something they've said to you? If so, share your thoughts, your
experiences and your ideas in the comments section below and let's talk about it. How did you handle it?
Maybe you can help another survivor handle their own situation. That's all I've got for you today. As always,
thank you so much for being a part of my day and a part of my life.
And hey, thanks for letting me be a part of yours. It really does mean a lot to me. I'll see you soon.
It's my mission to teach others what I know to be true.
You really can create the life you want. Take care of your body, take care of your soul.
Nurture the real you and introduce him or her to the world. Be comfortable in your own skin and in your place in this world
Take your spot.
Take it now
and the universe will take its cue from you. You feel me? If so, subscribe to my channel. Let's get it done together.