- [Narrator] Hey Psych2Go-ers.
Today we're going to talk about manipulation.
Manipulation is defined as trying to control
or influence a person,
or a situation cleverly unfairly, or unscrupulously.
Whenever we label someone as manipulative
it has a negative connotation to it,
but are you a bad person if you are manipulative?
Let's find out with a story, get comfy.
Sadie and Jesse had been in a relationship for four months,
when they first met Jesse was kind,
caring, attentive, and romantic.
Sadie felt like the luckiest girl
in the world for finding Jesse.
They went out on dates every weekend,
mini adventures every weekend, Sadie was falling in love.
One day, Sadie was getting ready for one of their adventures
and asked Jessie what he thought of her outfit.
"You're gonna wear that? You just wore that two weeks ago."
said Jessie.
"Oh, you're right, I did. I totally forgot, I'll go change."
Sadie said as she ran back into her closet.
As she changed she felt a little weird
about the whole situation
but decided it wasn't a big deal.
Over the next month
Jessie started making more comments like this
and more frequently too.
It started with her clothes
then it moved to her hair, her makeup,
how she went about her day, and who she talked to,
Sadie's head over heels feeling quickly disappeared,
and she decided to break it off with him
due to his controlling behavior.
After the breakup, Sadie asked her two friends,
Jenny and Thomas, to help her move
to make sure Jessie didn't know where she was.
However he showed up on her doorstep two days later.
She didn't tell him the new address,
so how did he know where she was?
Sadie realized that only one of her friends
could have told Jesse about the new address.
To find out who it was Sadie told both Jenny and Thomas
that she was planning on moving out of state,
due to a job that she had just landed.
She told Jenny she was moving to California.
She told Thomas she was moving to Texas.
She didn't wanna lie to them,
but she needed to be sure she was safe.
Later that night Sadie's phone started buzzing.
When she took a look,
she had 10 missed calls and seven texts
demanding she call Jessie
and stating she couldn't move to Texas
because he wants to work things out.
Once Sadie saw where Jesse thought she was moving
she blocked his and Thomas's numbers
and made one final move where she couldn't be found.
The end.
I don't know about you guys, but I was a little worried
about Sadie for a minute.
Let's talk about what happened.
Okay, Sadie and Jesse had a great relationship
while they were in the honeymoon phase.
But as the relationship progressed,
he began showing his true personality.
Unfortunately, Jesse seemed to have controlling
and potentially abusive tendencies.
Sadie did the absolute right thing
by leaving and moving somewhere else,
but when Thomas told Jesse where Sadie had moved,
that was a huge overstep.
Sadie had created a boundary but Thomas ignored it.
Because of Jesse's actions Sadie felt so uncomfortable
that she thought it was necessary
to cut all ties with him and anyone associated with him.
When Sadie told Jenny and Thomas
she got a job and was moving out of state, it was a lie.
Yes, it was deceptive. Yes, it was manipulative.
But was she bad for doing so?
In my humble opinion,
I believe the definition of manipulate gives us our answer.
Again to manipulate is to control or influence a person
or situation cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously.
If we define unscrupulous,
it means having or showing no moral principles.
This means you have no concept of right or wrong
and are just pulling strings like a puppet master
to get what you want.
A 2006 study found that manipulation is usually used
as a substitute for mind control.
When someone manipulates,
they do so with the intent of changing the way
others understand information,
create conclusions, or decide their actions.
In our story about Sadie,
she manipulated Jenny and Thomas
and in turn manipulated Jessie.
However, she did not do this with any malicious intention.
She did this to ensure she was safe
from a potentially abusive ex
and friends who tried to reconnect him with her.
Sadie had good intentions when she manipulated her friends,
she didn't lie just to watch what happened,
or to see if Jesse got mad at Thomas.
It was for her own wellbeing.
This is also a one time event that happened to Sadie.
Unless she makes a habit of doing things like this,
one time wouldn't necessarily
get her labeled as manipulative.
So what do you think,
do you think Sadie is manipulative or bad for what she did?
Is there another way Sadie could have handled
the situation without manipulation?
Do you have a situation where you manipulated someone
for a good reason?
Let us know in the comments below.
All sources used are in the description below.
As always keep your eye on Psy for more Psych2Go content.