Emma, very at home with animals.
In Scotland, do you own sheep? Yes.
And you commune with the sheep?
Erm...
I think that's putting it too strongly.
I walk through the sheep field... You've walked amongst the sheep.
..shouting at them. But... Yeah.
But isn't there a thing with a stream?
Oh.
Ah.
There usually is.
LAUGHTER
Well, OK, I've never told you this,
but sometime back...
At the bottom of the sheep field, there is a pond
where I wash, and there is a woodfired sauna,
so we go down there and get in the sauna,
but in summer I walk to and from it with nothing on,
much like the sheep.
They are appalled, obviously, just appalled.
But one night...
It was a hot summer.
There was a real thundering on the door of our place,
and it's miles away from anywhere so I thought,
oh, God, OK, the man in the mask has come to take us away,
and I was there on my own with my little daughter,
who was little then,
and we went downstairs and opened the door
and there was a massive, very good looking policeman outside,
who said, "I'm so sorry to interrupt your evening, Mrs Thompson,
"but we've had reports of an intruder on your land,
"in your field."
And I said, "Really?! Oh, God, when? When was it?"
"It was some time this afternoon, a woman was walking her dog
"and she saw 52-year-old man coming naked up through the sheep field."
At which point I thought, OK, something has happened
or my boobs have dropped so low that from a distance
they read as testicles.
I was so embarrassed because this policeman
was so lovely that I nearly whipped up,
"Honestly, it's not that bad!
"I think it was probably me!"
APPLAUSE
And he left pronto. That's what happened at the sheep field.