Well, the new year started, everyone was like
“I’m gonna hit the gym.
I wanna be like this 72-year-old grandma.
It’s time.
I’ve gone and bought a bloody membership.”
And then we all reverted to sitting on our arses,
watching videos of pants freezing
as they fly through the air.
This is a sensational video.
Looks at the pants.
Look at the pants!
They’re frozen.
That’s how cold it is in the Northern Hemisphere.
This is a good weather report.
BOOM.
They are as stiff
as young man stalking his favourite Instagram model.
Meanwhile, in Australia we had a heatwave.
Look at these vegetables.
They’re struggling to move.
People had to knock off work and go to the pub
to stay hydrated.
To survive.
When it hit 45 degrees
the pub offered free beer.
Look at all the stranded people needing beer.
"For the free beer, haha HAHA..."
The only person safe from the weather is this bloke,
with his force field hair.
Rain, hail, snow, polar vortex’s, heatwaves,
nothing is getting through there.
Here are some solid memes
from the 10 year challenge.
That’s a good spiderman one.
There’s me old mate Aquaman.
And a couple of cheeky jugs.
Fuck yes to the world record egg
for becoming the most liked photo on Instagram.
I was hoping the wanker running the account
was Kevin Bacon, but that’s not the case.
"For the free beer, haha HAHA..."
Over on YouTube, Ricegum and Jake Paul
are accepting bullshit scammy sponsorships,
which is annoying, because custom sponsorships
can be a good thing.
But seriously,
is this Mystery Brand website owned by Ja Rule
and the other dickhead who started Fyre Festival.
This Netflix documentary on that scam
was a bloody ripper by the way.
Yeah, Ricegum, Jake Paul, gambling websites,
Fyre Festival. I dunno,
the conspiracy adds up in my head.
It fucken adds up.
Game of Thrones teaser,
a Game of Thrones teaser,
we all know I’ve got a raging erection already.
I don’t need to see a lot of footage
to get excited.
I feel like I’m properly going back to work
whenever this show starts up again
and I do me reviews.
Look at that for cold weather, that’s brutal.
Jon Snow is gonna need force field hair
to survive.
"For the free beer, haha HAHA..."
I’m awarding this human Legend of the Month.
He’s not allowed to take his cocktail outside in a glass,
so he puts in a burger box.
It is fair dinkum genius.
(Laughter).
He gives it a test.
Yep, that is functional.
It's a good business idea.
This sheila and her Dad are definitely the runners up
for Legend of the Month.
I love that parents are still falling for this prank.
(Laughter).
"Son of a bitch.
Motherfucker, shit!"
I can’t believe Trumpy didn’t invite me
to the White House
to smash a big mac.
Sure, we probably don’t see eye to eye on many issues
but we could still smash a fucken big mac together.
Teachers in Los Angeles have finally said
we’re sick of looking after everyone’s kids
for shit pay.
We’re just sick of everyone’s kids.
Yeah nah fair enough.
France is the one that keeps reminding the world
they are very good at protesting, though.
Look out for the table.
Big fucken hoses don’t scare them.
He’s got his favourite goggles
and jeans on, so he’s not backing down.
Look out for the piano.
Yep, that’s a rogue piano.
Oh by the way I’ll admit it,
this yeah yeah song is pretty catchy.
Although I kind of want a version that goes
Oh yeah nah
Oh yeah nah nah nah
Oh yeah nah
Oh yeah nah x3
That would suit me better.
But I'm already looking for to the KSI verse
Oh yeah yeah army boxing match,
after the second Logan Paul boxing match.