Hi, I'm Neil Patrick Harris.
Today I'm going to talk to some kids.
As a father of two, I love talking to kids.
In fact, there's only one thing better than talking to kids,
and that's when kids are quiet.
So, let's see how this goes.
You broke it!
It looks so weird!
Hi!
Hello!
How are you guys doing?
Good.
My name is Neil Patrick Harris, but we don't have to be formal.
You can call me Neil, you can call me Patrick,
and you can call me Harris.
OK, Harris.
And you guys can call me Neil Patrick Harris.
Got it?
So, I want to talk to you and ask you guys
some questions about your parents.
OK.
This is a safe space.
You can say whatever you want, because they will never
see this.
Unless they have the internet.
You have the internet?
Everybody does!
Well, then they'll definitely see this.
What kind of things do your parents do that annoy you?
Sometimes they'll be like "Zain, do this," "Zain, do that."
It's like I am their butler!
Hate it.
Sometimes my mom just calls me her assistant
and then she makes me get all her stuff.
She makes me bring it to her.
And then sometimes I even have to go to the kitchen,
pour her a drink, and give it to her.
Assistants are the worst.
Can I get a coffee?
How good would the world be if there
were no parents and kids could just do whatever they wanted?
It would be amazing!
No, it actually wouldn't.
Why?
Because if we eat too much candy that we want,
we can actually get a stomachache.
And then get sick.
And then nobody could cure us because doctors can only
be grownups.
I know a couple of people that were kid doctors.
I know your voice.
You know my voice?
From what?
A Series of Unfortunate Events.
You were the captain.
Like, you were the evil guy.
He's a big fan.
You seen the show?
No.
I am a very big fan of you.
You were the guy who's trying to kill the kids.
Right?
To get their money!
Right?
You wanted the fortune.
OK, there is no need to shout at me.
Here to help.
Can I just say, thank you for dressing up.
With the suit and tie.
Do you think that your parents dress cool?
Yeah.
Yeah?
One time-- my grandma wears a wig--
and she's like, Julian, what if I go out with this?
I was like, no, no, you shouldn't.
Not that wig.
She has like three pairs.
I have like seven.
The one that you're wearing, is that a wig?
Yep.
Does it look good?
No.
Do your parents ever make jokes?
Yeah.
My dads tell the worst jokes.
Dad jokes are the best.
How about-- Ask me if I want a haircut.
Do you want a haircut?
No, I want them all cut.
(Laughs)
Right?
Come on, now.
Yes!
Do you ever have Velcro shoes?
I've had it once.
I don't wear a Velcro, because I think it's a rip off.
Stop me.
Someone's bad.
Ripoff Velcro?
I could do them all day.
A polar bear walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey what can I get you, Polar Bear?"
And the polar bear says, "I think
I'll have a scotch and soda."
And the bartender says, "Hey, Polar Bear, why the big pause?"
Why the big paws?
Paws, yeah, double meaning.
Dad joke.
It's a thing.
I have a joke!
Oh, yeah?
What do people call a shoe made out of a banana?
I don't know, what do people call a shoe--
A slipper!
Mine was funnier.
Get it?
Because you slip on a banana.
Wear it like a slipper.
Like a slipper?
But I thought mine was a lot funnier than that.
That's messed up.
What kind of things would embarrass your parents?
I was at this Pinocchio restaurant--
it's a fancy restaurant--
Yeah, sounds like it.
And my sister was throwing forks and knives at my face.
That's not embarrassing, that's just dangerous.
I know, but--
But you're all about danger in A Series of Unfortunate Events.
You're like my publicist.