so I had the chance to meet with some of the kids in the program today
where are you scream out there you go I love those kids and so I thought I would
do cuz they gave me a little bit of time to say whatever I want is offer you a
little bit of some observations for your future I have five little rules that you
can follow as you find your spark and bring your spark to life the first is to
go after the things that you want let me tell you a story so a friend of mine and
I we went for a run in Central Park the Roadrunners organization on the weekends
they host races and it's very common at the end of the race they'll have a
sponsor who will give away something apples or bagels or something and on
this particular day when we got to the end of the run there were some free
bagels and they had picnic tables set up and on one side was a group of
volunteers on the table were boxes of bagels and on the other side was a long
line of runners waiting to get their free bagel so I said to my friend let's
let's get a bagel and he looked at me and said that lines too long and I said
free bagel and he said I don't want to wait in line and I was like free bagel
and he says not let's it's too long and that's when I realized that there's two
ways to see the world some people see the thing that they want and some people
see the thing that prevents them from getting the thing that they want I could
only see the bagels he could only see the line and so I walked up to the line
I leaned in between two people put my hand in the box and pulled out two
bagels and no one got mad at me because the rule is you can go after whatever
you want you just cannot deny anyone else to go
after whatever they want now I had to sacrifice choice I didn't
get to choose which bagel I got I got whatever I pulled out but I didn't have
to wait in line so the point is is you don't have to wait in line you don't
have to do it the way everybody else has done it you can do it your way you can
break the rules you just can't get in the way of somebody else getting what
they want that's rule number one rule number two I like this one in the
18th century there was something that spread across Europe and eventually made
its way to America where pole fever also known as the Black Death of childbed
basically what was happening is women were giving birth and they would die
within 48 hours after giving birth this Black Death of childbirth was the ravage
of Europe and it got worse and worse and worse over the course of over a century
in some hospitals it was as high as 70% of women who gave birth who would die as
a result of giving birth but this was the Renaissance this was the time of
empirical data and science and we had thrown away things like tradition and
mysticism these were men of science these were doctors and these doctors and
men of science wanted to study and try and find the reason for this black death
of childbed and so they got to work studying and they would study the
corpses of the of the women who had died and in the morning they would conduct
autopsies and then in the afternoon they would go and deliver babies and finish
their rounds and it wasn't until somewhere in the mid 1800s that dr.
Oliver Wendell Holmes father of Supreme Court justice Oliver Wendell Holmes
realized that all of these doctors who conducting autopsies in the morning
weren't washing their hands before they delivered babies in the afternoon and he
pointed it out and said guys you're the problem and they ignored him and called
him crazy for 30 years until finally somebody realized that if
they simply washed their hands it would go away and that's exactly what happened
when they started sterilizing their instruments and washing their hands the
black death of childbed disappeared my point is the lesson here is sometimes
you're the problem we've seen this happen all too recently with our new men
of science and empirical studies and these men of finance who are smarter
than the rest of us until the thing collapsed and they blamed everything
else except themselves and my point is is take accountability for your actions
you can take all the credit in the world for the things that you do right as long
as you also take responsibility for the things you do wrong it must be a
balanced equation you don't get it one way and not the other you get to take
credit when you also take accountability that's lesson 2 lesson 3 take care of
each other the United States Navy SEALs are perhaps the most elite warriors in
the world and one of the seals was asked who makes it through the selection
process who is able to become a seal and his answer was I can't tell you the kind
of person that becomes a seal I can't tell you the kind of person that makes
it through buds but I can tell you the kind of people who don't become seals
he says the guys that show up with huge bulging muscles covered in tattoos who
want to prove to the world how tough they are none of them make it through he
said the preening leaders who like to delegate all their responsibilities and
never do anything themselves none of them make it through he said the star
college athletes who've never really been tested to the core of their being
none of them make it through he says some of the guys that make it through
her skinny and scrawny he said some of the guys
that make it through you will see them shivering out of fear he says however
all the guys that make it through when they find themselves physically spent
emotionally spent when they have nothing left to give physically or emotionally
somehow someway they are able to find the energy to dig down deep inside
themselves to find the energy to help the guy next to them they become seals
he said you want to be an elite warrior it's not about how tough you are it's
not about how smart you are it's not about how fast you are if you want to be
an elite warrior you better get really really good at
helping the person to the left of you and helping the person to the right of
you because that's how people advance in the world the world is too dangerous in
the world is too difficult for you to think that you can do these things alone
if you find your spark I commend you now who you gonna ask for help and when are
you gonna accept help when it's offered learn that skill learn by practicing
helping each other it'll be the single most valuable thing you ever learn in
your entire life to accept help when it's offered and to ask for it when you
know that you can't do it the amazing thing is when you learn to ask for help
you'll discover that there are people all around you who've always wanted to
help you they just didn't think you needed it because you kept pretending
that you had everything under control and the minute you say I don't know what
I'm doing I'm stuck I'm scared I don't think I can do this you will find that
lots of people who love you will rush in and take care of you but that'll only
happen if you learn to take care of them first
lesson four Nelson Mandela is a particularly special case study in the
leadership world because he is universally regarded as a great leader
you can take other personalities and depending on the nation you go to we
have different opinions about other personalities but Nelson Mandela across
the world is universally regarded as a great leader he was actually the son of
a tribal chief and he was asked one day how did you learn to be a great leader
and he responded that he would go with his father to tribal meetings and he
remembers two things when his father would meet with other elders one they
would always sit in a circle and to his father was always the last to speak you
will be told your whole life that you need to learn to listen I would say that
you need to learn to be the last to speak I see it in boardrooms every day
of the week even people who consider themselves good leaders who may actually
be decent leaders will walk into a room and say here's the problem here's what I
think but I'm interested in your opinion let's go around the room it's too late
the skill to hold your opinions to yourself until everyone has spoken does
two things one it gives everybody else the feeling that they have been heard it
give me gives everyone else the ability to feel that they have contributed and
two you get the benefit of hearing what everybody else has to think before you
render your opinion the skill is really to keep your opinions to yourself if you
agree with somebody don't nod yes if you disagree with somebody don't nod no
simply sit there take it all in and the only thing you're allowed to do is ask
questions so that you can understand what they mean and why they have the
opinion that they have you must understand from where they are speaking
why they have the opinion they have not just what they are saying and at the end
you will get your turn it sounds it's not practice being the last to
speak that's what Nelson Mandela did number
three number five this Monty Python one two five three four all the other nerds
in the audience there's one number five my favorite one of all true story
there was a former Undersecretary of Defense who was invited to give a speech
at a large conference about a thousand people and he was standing on the stage
with his cup of coffee in a Styrofoam cup giving his prepared remarks with his
PowerPoint behind him and he took a sip of his coffee and he smiled and he
looked down at the coffee and then he went off script and he said you know
last year I spoke at this exact same conference last year I was still the
undersecretary and when I spoke here last year they flew me here business
class and when I arrived at the airport there was somebody waiting for me to
take me to my hotel and they took me to my hotel and they had already checked me
in and they just took me up to my room and the next morning I came downstairs
and there was someone waiting in the lobby to greet me and they drove me to
this here same venue they took me through the back entrance and took me
into the green room and handed me a coffee cup of coffee in a beautiful
ceramic cup he says I'm no longer the undersecretary
a flew here coach I took a taxi to my hotel and I checked myself in when I
came down the lobby this morning I took another taxi to this venue I came in the
front door and found my way backstage and when I asked someone do you have any
coffee he pointed to the coffee machine in the corner and I poured myself a cup
of coffee into this here Styrofoam cup he says the lesson is the ceramic cup
was never meant for me it was meant for the position I held I deserved a
Styrofoam cup remember this as you gain fame as you
gain fortune as you gain position and seniority people will treat you better
they will hold doors open for you they will get you a cup of tea and coffee
without you even asking they will call you sir and ma'am and they will give you
stuff none of that stuff is meant for you that stuff is meant for the position
you hold it is meant for the level that you have achieved of leader or success
or whatever you want to call it but you will always deserve a Styrofoam cup
remember that remember that lesson of humility and gratitude you can accept
all the free stuff you can accept all the perks absolutely you can enjoy them
but just be grateful for them and know that they're not for you I remember
getting off the Acela I took the Acela from New York to Washington DC and I got
off the train like everybody else and I was walking down the platform like
everyone else and I walked past general norty Schwartz who used to be the chief
of staff of the United States Air Force the head of the Air Force and here I did
you see a guy in a suit slepping his own suitcase down the platform just like me
and just a couple months ago he was flying on private jets and an entourage
and other people carried his lank luggage but he no longer held the
position and so now he got to drag his own suitcase and never did it sort of
remind me more that none of us deserve the perks that we get we all deserve a
Styrofoam cup it was a pleasure meeting you guys this afternoon I was blown away
by your honesty and your curiosity and your poise and I am confident that the
future is bright despite the fact that America looks like an absolute mess
right now I am confident that the future is bright for one reason and one reason
only because you will grow up and you will be our future thank you very very
much guys you're wonderful
you