Some pairs of heroes have decades-old rivalries so heated it's almost a letdown when they
work together rather than fight each other.
But those rivalries aren't always based on meaningful differences.
If you don't believe us, check out these superhero rivalries that don't make any sense.
Batman vs. Superman
Frank Miller’s classic Dark Knight Returns is one of the most influential Batman stories
of all time, and one of its most memorable moments comes at the climax, when Batman takes
on Superman in what seems like a fight to the death.
Sound familiar?
"What does that mean?"
Of course, Superman had been hit with a literal nuclear explosion and a tank before Batman
threw his first punch, and a Kryptonite Arrow from Ollie Queen during the fight, but a win
was a win.
This was the moment that took the aging Bruce Wayne from a fallible human to a master strategist
who could take anyone down.
Before this story, no one really imagined that Batman could present a physical challenge
to Superman, but with the success of a single story, it became their default relationship.
Unfortunately, if you think about it for about two seconds, it makes no sense.
If they really took each other on, Superman could blast Batman with heat vision from orbit
before the Caped Crusader could hop off whatever gargoyle he was perched on.
Then he could freeze the ashes with super-breath, and throw it all into the sun.
The idea that Batman is cool enough to beat anyone with enough prep time actually ignores
what’s really cool about Batman in the first place.
If he’s the guy who’s smart enough to figure out how to beat Superman, then he should
probably be smart enough to figure out that he could get a lot more crime-fighting done
if a flying, bulletproof, super-strong farm boy was on his side.
Daredevil vs. Punisher
Daredevil and Punisher have a rollercoaster relationship where they find themselves teaming
up as allies just as much as they take each other on as enemies.
When they work together, even after all these years, Daredevil somehow seems surprised when
the guy with the skull on his chest who carries all the military grade weaponry tries to kill
someone, and that's when the honeymoon ends.
The thing is, either one of these two could easily end their rivalry without doing all
that much.
On one hand, Daredevil doesn’t have much of a leg to stand on here.
He’s ostensibly battling the Punisher because of his tendency to execute criminals without
giving them a fair trial first, but if Matt Murdock really cared about the letter of the
law, he probably wouldn’t spend his nights dressed up as the devil punching out ninjas.
Given that Frank Castle is usually portrayed as pretty meticulous in selecting his targets,
maybe just take the lighter workload as a win and leave him to it.
On the other hand, if he absolutely has to murder criminals, Punisher might consider
just doing it somewhere other than Hell's Kitchen.
Seriously, Frank.
Daredevil doesn’t really leave Manhattan that often.
Just go kill people in Brooklyn and you’ll be fine.
Flash vs. Green Lantern
When Kyle Rayner replaced Hal Jordan as Green Lantern in the '90s, it was more than a little
controversial, with a vocal group of fans demanding the return of the previous Green
Lantern.
They weren’t the only ones that were looking down on Kyle, though.
They had an ally in one of his own teammates: Wally West, better known as the Flash.
When the Justice League's flagship title was relaunched in 1997 as JLA, Rayner and West
found themselves on the same team.
And while other members of the League had doubts about the new Green Lantern, Wally
West was a straight-up jerk to him for most of their time together.
Flash constantly trashed the new Lantern from the very first issue, often suggesting or
outright saying he wasn't worthy of his power ring.
Where did Wally's rage come from?
Wally had been a superhero since he was a child as Kid Flash, and was upholding a legacy
that had been passed down to him by his mentor.
Kyle, on the other hand, was literally just handed the most powerful weapon in the universe
at random out of desperation without ever even paying his dues as a sidekick.
He was, however, the only Green Lantern at the time, so what exactly did the Flash think
he was going to accomplish with his insults?
It’s not like they could’ve gotten a replacement.
Maybe he was just happy to not be the youngest guy on the team anymore.
The Thing vs. Man-Thing
The Man-Thing and Ben Grimm, better known to Fantastic Four fans as the Thing, didn’t
exactly have the storied rivalry of some of the other pairs on this list.
Their conflict only lasted one issue, but it’s worth mentioning for being one of the
most remarkably stupid reasons for two heroes to fight that comics had ever seen.
The first issue of Marvel Two-In-One, a series where Grimm teamed up with other heroes from
throughout the universe, opens with Bashful Benjamin reading a newspaper article.
He becomes so furious that the swamp monster has “stolen” the word “Thing” that
he takes a bus to the Florida Everglades in order to beat him up for copyright infringement.
In typical comic book fashion, the two monstrous good guys wind up teaming up to fight a supervillain
instead.
In the end, the Thing and Man-Thing don't really fight all that much.
But just consider that in the first page of the issue, the Thing is in New Mexico.
Imagine taking a bus trip from New Mexico to Florida as a giant, mostly naked monster
so that you can beat up another monster for having a name that’s kind of the same as
yours.
If that’s what the FF considers worthy of violence, then maybe Doctor Doom actually
is the good guy here.
Superman vs. Shazam
Superman and Captain Marvel, better known as Shazam, have had a rivalry that dates back
to the 1940s, and goes well beyond the comics.
Back then, DC sued Shazam’s publisher, Fawcett Publications, claiming that their World’s
Mightiest Mortal was nothing but a knockoff of the Man of Steel.
After winning the lawsuit in the ‘50s, DC would license the Shazam characters and add
them to their universe where they moved their fight back onto the page more often than not.
It doesn’t take a hardcore comic book fan to figure out why this particular rivalry
doesn't make any sense.
It seems mostly based on two people beating each other up because they have similar powers
and the shared love of capes.
What’s really disturbing about it, though, is that Shazam is literally a child.
Billy Batson might transform into a body that looks pretty grown-up, but he’s still a
kid at heart.
That means that Superman, emphasis on the “man,” has spent their entire rivalry
getting into fistfights with a boy.
DC may have won the lawsuit, but in the panels, it’s definitely not a good look for Superman.
Think about it.
When these two fight, if Superman wins?
Then Superman just beat up a kid.
If Superman loses?
Then Superman just got beat up by a kid.
Superman should do everything he can to avoid a fight with Captain Marvel.
Let him stay up past nine or play all the Fortnite he wants.
It’s worth it not to be known as the superhero who beats up on, or gets beat up by, grade
schoolers.
The Avengers vs. the Defenders
Since they first gathered together on a day like no other in 1963, the Avengers have been
made up of Earth’s mightiest heroes.
The Defenders, on the other hand... have not.
Despite occasionally sharing members, including the Hulk and Doctor Strange, the Defenders
have always been a second-string team that deals with the weirder side of the Marvel
Universe.
In other words, they don’t have much of a reason to interact at all, let alone throw
down in a massive, multi-issue fight.
That’s exactly what happened in 1973, when Marvel launched a crossover event known as
the Avengers/Defenders war.
Spread out over eight issues which would be a long story today, let alone back in the
‘70s the event featured members of both teams battling it out to capture pieces of
an artifact called the Evil Eye.
It wouldn’t be the last time they’d fight, but it was for the dumbest possible reason.
The demonic Dormammu and Loki manipulated the teams so that each one thought the others
were gathering up the Evil Eye’s pieces for nefarious purposes.
You’d think this could all be solved if Captain America just called up Doctor Strange
and asked what was going on, but to be fair, the Defenders’ roster boasted the Hulk and
Prince Namor, both of whom have occasionally been supervillains.
That said, the actual reason the Avengers turned on their would-be compatriots came
when Loki you know, the God of Lies?
showed up at the mansion and told them the Defenders were up to no good.
Since they had absolutely no reason at all to believe that the lying liar who hated them
and wanted to destroy them might not be telling the whole truth, the fight was on.
Think it through next time, guys.
Superman vs. Flash
The ongoing contest between Superman and the Flash isn’t the kind of violent conflict
where the characters come to blows, but it’s gone on long enough to be one of the greatest
rivalries in superhero history.
Ever since 1967's Superman #199, the Flash and the last son of Krypton have occasionally
raced because of the question fans have wanted answered for decades Who's faster?
Superman or the Flash?
It's a good question, but with over 50 years behind us, it’s a little weird that we’re
still asking it.
Since both characters count super-speed among their powers their only power, in the Flash’s
case they’re both limited only by the creators’ imaginations.
As a result, the arguments in favor of each hero have gotten truly ridiculous.
The Flash is fast enough to vibrate through solid objects, but Superman can’t!
Superman is fast enough to time travel under his own power, but Flash needs a special high-tech
treadmill to do it!
It’s weird stuff.
At the end of the day, though, Superman is bulletproof, strong enough to bench-press
mountains, can jump to the moon without breaking a sweat, and shoot lasers out of his eyes
that can blow up cars.
Can’t he just let the guy with “The Fastest Man Alive” on the cover of his comic win
this one once and for all?
Hulk vs. Wolverine
The absolute king of nonsensical superhero rivalries also happens to be one of the most
popular — Wolverine and the Incredible Hulk.
There is something undeniably cool about the match, and it really does fit with Wolverine's
character.
He’s a small but vicious warrior set against the biggest, strongest monster he could find.
It makes for good art and maybe even a good issue – one good issue.
Maybe two.
Wolverine is a scrappy brawler with unbreakable bones and razor-sharp claws, but he’s also
the kind of hero who’s frequently beaten up by another guy with claws who’s slightly
taller.
The Hulk, on the other hand, has punched out gods, lifted mountains on his back, and held
his own against every other hero in the Marvel Universe on more than one occasion.
Wolverine isn’t the guy who’s really going to go toe-to-toe with him and pick up a victory.
It’s even backed up by their very first meeting in Incredible Hulk #181, when the
Hulk took Wolverine out with one relatively light bonk on the head.
Maybe stick to slugging it out with Cyclops from now on, Logan.