-Our next guest is featured in season 3 of
"The Standups" available on Netflix this December.
Please welcome the very funny Dusty Slay!
♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]
-Alright. Okay.
We're having a good time. And okay.
Well, I'm pumped to be here.
People always tell me I look like somebody, you know?
They're always like, "You look like Joe Dirt."
Or "You look like 'Wayne's World.'"
[ Laughter ]
"You look like Jay and Silent Bob."
[ Laughter ]
One guy was like, "You look like a Walmart Billy Ray Cyrus."
[ Laughter ]
I was like, "Dang, I didn't know you could get more Walmart
than Billy Ray Cyrus." [ Laughter ]
I thought that was as Walmart as it got.
But people always tell me I look just like their cousin.
They're always like, "You look just like my cousin.
Just like my cousin."
And then every time they show me a picture,
it's never a good-looking dude.
[ Laughter ]
I'm always -- I'm never like, "Man, I appreciate that."
I'm always like, "That's what you think I look like?
That's how I look to you?"
You ever see a bad picture of yourself
and you know that you don't look like that?
[ Laughter ]
But also deep down inside
you know that you did look like that?
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
I mean, like, that camera didn't make that up, right?
Like, it might have caught you in a bad moment,
but that's you in that picture. [ Laughter ]
Now, the question you got to ask yourself is
"How often am I looking like that?
And what do I got to do to never look like that again?"
But people always think I know about cars.
They think I look like a guy that knows a lot about cars.
And they'll always ask me to listen to their car
to see what's wrong with it, you know?
And I'll do it. You know what I mean?
Like, I don't want to let them down, right?
So I'll listen. I go, "Ooh.
You should get that checked out, man."
[ Laughter ]
And if you do it just right, they'll be like, "You know what?
I will get it checked out. I appreciate that.
I wasn't. But I will now."
And I know a little bit about cars
'cause I wrecked a bunch of them.
[ Laughter ]
I feel like if you wreck enough,
you learn what a car can do, what it can't do.
What it can't come back from, you know?
And for a while I was driving a 1982 Buick LeSabre.
[ Man cheers] Alright.
Real big car, you know? Used a lot of gas.
And I used to make this joke at work.
I'd be like, "Man, that car uses so much gas,
I bet it's using gas right now in the parking lot."
[ Laughter ]
That's a great work joke. People love that.
One guy didn't get it, though.
He goes, "Hell, you might have a leak."
[ Laughter ]
I was like, "No, I don't think so."
But I did have a car that leaked a lot of oil for a while.
And I like that in a car.
Like, you leak a little oil, pour a little in there.
Leak a little oil, pour a little in there.
Never get an oil change.
[ Laughter and applause ]
People are like, "When is the last time you changed
the oil on this car?"
I'm like, "It's changing right now."
[ Laughter ]
Okay? This car is efficient.
I used to drive that car all over the country.
You know, leaking oil everywhere.
I drove up to Duluth, Minnesota, one time.
-Yeah! -Alright.
And I went to this aquarium.
I don't know if you've been there before.
I don't know if I'd go just for the aquarium,
but if you're up there, check it out.
It was a nice place, but it just felt like the aquarium
was on a two-week notice, right? [ Laughter ]
They're like, "We about to shut this place down."
Like, some animals were missing.
There was a fountain that had dried up.
There was a turtle in there.
I didn't know if it was ceramic
or if it had just stopped moving.
[ Laughter ]
And they had a walk-in bird cage that you could walk into.
But I got in there, and it just felt like
it was birds from the outside. [ Laughter ]
Like, I know all birds are from the outside.
But it felt like you were in, like, a retail store
and a bird had just flown in
and then couldn't figure how to get out.
And then I went to the main aquarium
and I'm looking at the fish tank, right?
And there's a lot of fish in there.
And this girl comes up to me and she has a name tag on.
And the name tag has her name, and then it says "fish expert."
I was like, "Alright, that's what I'm talking about."
You know what I mean? I don't run into a lot of
fish experts out here in the world.
And I thought, "This is a great time to get some answers
to some of the fish questions that I have."
[ Laughter ]
So I started asking her some stuff,
you know, stuff I can Google.
But I thought, "Hey, let's have a real human experience here."
So I start asking her stuff, and then I say, "Oh, you know what?
I got a good one." This is a good question.
You're going to like this. This is what I said to her.
I go, "Let me ask you this.
Do fish sleep?"
That's what I said to her. I said, "Do fish sleep?"
And she looked me straight in the face and she goes,
"I don't know 'cause I don't work here at night."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Okay, hey, thank you very much, guys.
I appreciate you. Thank you. Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
-Dusty Slay, everybody.
Dusty Slay. [ Cheers and applause ]
Season 3 of "The Standups" is out December on Netflix.