When a news story falls through the cracks,
Lewis Black catches it for a segment we call Back in Black.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering, applause)
You know, America has been blessed
with some top-notch diseases.
Swine flu, bird flu,
and, of course, pizza rat chlamydia.
I've had 'em all!
Well, good news-- now we're even more blessed,
because one of America's classic diseases
is making a comeback!
Right now,
the U.S. is experiencing
its worst measles outbreak since 2014,
with 349 cases in 26 states in the past year.
NEWSMAN: Measles is no laughing matter.
Measles can kill and...
MAN: It is exquisitely contagious, so...
you can be in a room where somebody with measles
had left two hours earlier and still get the disease.
(chuckles) Measles can survive in a room for two hours?
There's not enough hand sanitizer in the world.
(laughter, groans)
You can never be too careful.
That was vodka, by the way.
I hide it in Purell bottles so I can drink it in public.
(laughter)
But yes, the measles are back
like a New Kids on the Block reunion tour--
no one asked for it, and no one's happy to see it.
(laughter)
I thought measles were Dark Ages crap we successfully eliminated
from the planet, like the dodo.
If you say you're a bird, but you can't fly,
you're a liar!
How did this happen?
Modern medicine had pretty much eradicated measles,
but it turns out science is no match for its greatest foe--
idiots.
This month, the World Health Organization
called the anti-vaccine movement a major threat to public health.
NEWSMAN: Hundreds rallied to preserve their right
not to vaccinate their children.
-It is highly contagious. -Yes, it is.
Perhaps one of the most contagious diseases out there.
-Yes, it is. -Are you afraid you're
-putting your child at risk? -No, I don't feel like
I'm putting my child at risk.
There's nothing that's gonna change my mind on this,
on that specific vaccination.
MAN: If you read the fine print, I'm sure somewhere
it says, you know, there is a possible fatal outcome there,
(chuckling): some possible fatal consequences,
and that gets you a little worried.
Heh-heh-heh-heh.
I love morons!
If you read the fine print--
well, actually, I've read the fine print of measles,
and you know what the side effects include?
-Dying of (bleep) measles! -(laughter)
So where did these dummies get these dumb ideas?
The same place that wants you to believe your miserable aunt
and closeted uncle are actually happy:
the Internet.
But social media
are finally starting to get their act together.
NEWSMAN: Facebook said: "We've taken steps
"to reduce the distribution of health-related misinformation
on Facebook, but we know we have more to do."
NEWSWOMAN: Pinterest is blocking searches
related to vaccinations.
The social media company says it wants to curb the spread
of misinformation.
Most shared images on Pinterest relating to vaccinations
advise against them.
Who the (bleep) is getting their health information on Pinterest?
That's where you're supposed to plan weddings
and find tacky home decor.
Then again, on Pinterest, you can find tips
on how not to vaccinate your kid,
and then find the perfect headstone
-for your un-vaccinated kid. -(laughter, groans)
Oh, shut up!
I'm up to date on my shots.
I don't hear your ooh's.
Look, this isn't a debate.
Vaccines are safe.
The anti-vaxxers put the rest of us at risk.
So get your shots!
And find a new conspiracy theory that won't hurt anyone.
We don't even care how crazy it is.
You can think the Earth is flat
and that Tupac is still alive
and lives underneath the flat Earth,
like a '90s hip-hop troll.
(laughter, applause)
Just leave us out of it!
And if that doesn't work, we'll have to fall back
on the same plan B we use for everything these days:
get the kids to save us.
High school senior
Ethan Lindenberger says his parents' misguided beliefs
about his health and the health of his younger siblings
put them at risk.
He recently defied his mother and got vaccinated.
NEWSWOMAN: Lindenberger thought it was normal
for most kids not to get immunized,
but about two years ago,
he began to see how the posts about vaccines
his own mother was sharing on social media were dangerous.
In November, Lindenberger asked strangers on Reddit
where he could go to get up to date with his shots.
"My parents are kind of stupid," he wrote.
"God knows how I'm still alive."
(laughter)
He had to vaccinate himself?
Imagine you're in a bedroom with a syringe,
then your mom walks in and screams,
"Is that a vaccine?!"
"No, Mom, it's heroin. I swear!"
Look, vaccines are a public good,
and I'm willing to do my part to end this epidemic of stupid.
So for any kids or teens out there
whose parents won't let them get their shots,
here's my offer.
I will adopt you.
(laughter)
Will I be a good father?
No! I'll gamble your college fund,
I'll hit on all your girlfriends and boyfriends.
And did I mention...
I drink vodka from a Purell bottle.
(laughter)
But I'd still be better than anti-vaxxer parents.
My adopted kids would need therapy,
but at least they'd be alive.
-Trevor. -Lewis Black, everyone!