3-D printers.
They're changing the way we make everything--
car parts, jewelry, and, most importantly,
dildos,
which has changed my life,
because I no longer have to suffer the shame
of shopping in person for car parts.
But, America being America,
it was only a matter of time before people started
3-D printing guns.
And today was meant to be the day that it became legal
to publish gun blueprints online,
until a party-pooping judge got involved.
Today, a federal judge in Seattle
blocked the uploading of any more blueprints
for using 3-D printers to make guns.
And the founder of a pro-gun group agreed
to stop posting any new blueprints online
until September, while a multistate lawsuit
makes its way through the courts.
It may be too late.
Over a thousand people had already downloaded,
uh, these blueprints online.
I can imagine that number's even higher than that,
and I'm sure they're getting passed around.
Look, I know that 3-D-printed gun works
and can kill a person,
but, goddamn, that thing is stupid-looking.
Like, I will be so embarrassed if I was killed
by something that looked that dumb.
Like, when I got to heaven,
I'd just have to lie about what happened.
They'll be like, "How did you die, man?"
I'll be like, "Oh, who me? I, uh, drowned in a porta-potty
at Coachella. Uh..."
Be like, "Oh. Well, at least you didn't get killed
by one of those dumb-ass plastic guns."
I'll be like... (laughs): "Yeah. That would be pathetic."
But it turns out, it turns out these guns looking stupid
isn't the only downside.
NEWSMAN: From handguns to semiautomatics,
made of plastic and without a serial number,
the guns are untraceable and undetectable,
able to pass through most metal detectors.
These ghost guns are the new wave of American gun violence.
The idea of these print-on-command ghost guns
is every bit as scary as it sounds.
Yeah, you're damn right. "Ghost guns" sounds scary.
You put "ghost" in front of anything,
it immediately puts you on edge.
"Pencil."
"Ghost pencil." Whoa!
Yeah, at the time, Ghost Dad didn't seem so scary.
-But now? Huh? Yeah. -(laughter)
Bill Cosby with the ability to walk through walls?
Terrifying!
Not responding to a text doesn't sound so bad.
But "ghosting"? Now, that's some scary shit.
Oh, and by the way, Amy,
I see you posting new Instagram stories every day,
which is really weird for someone
who said she's "in a coma."
Uh, although if you are in a coma,
hit me up when you get out.
No hard feelings. I love you. (imitates soft gunshot)
Now, obviously, Democrats have always been anti-gun
and anti-ghost.
But you may be surprised to learn that even President Trump
has doubts about 3-D guns.
President Trump tweeting just moments ago...
Now, yes, most things don't make sense to Donald Trump,
like tailoring or the word "no."
But in this case, President Trump is right,
it doesn't make sense.
Unfortunately, though, gun laws that don't make sense
is pretty much what America does.
So there's a good chance that these homemade guns
are here to stay.
And so I guess we may as well look at the bright side
of 3-D printed guns, right?
I mean, like, 3-D printers are crazy slow,
so even though everyone can print a gun,
at least now you have a waiting period.
Yeah? Maybe?
And I mean, I know there's still the problem of plastic guns
getting past airport security.
But if Congress can't block printed guns,
maybe they can pass a law that says all printed guns
-have to be shaped like dildos. -(laughter)
Yeah, because if you've ever flown,
you know it's the one thing the TSA always manages to find.
-(laughter) -Always!
That lady's laughing way too loud.
(laughter)
If you have a dildo in your bag, they will find it.
The TSA are like truffle pigs for sex toys.
Look, what I'm saying is, we already live in a world
where everybody can have a gun, but the least we can do
is live in a world where people are embarrassed
to be caught with one.