Do you want to know how to motivate a child who is unmotivated? I'm Nicholeen Peck and
I've worked with children and families all over the world. I teach parenting and self-government,
communications and relationships and in this video, we're going to be talking about motivation.
In this video, we're going to talk all about motivation and what motivates people to make
a change in their hearts and their behaviors. I'm going to be sharing with you five tips that
you can utilize to help a person find motivation who's struggling with motivation right now
and be sure to stay with me until the end because I've got a bonus one that may surprise you.
Number one, when a person is unmotivated it's usually because they're seeing everything with a
very short view lens. Which means, it's just the day to day every minute. What I want right now.
What's happening right now. How I feel right now and they're not having a long-term view. So that's
number one we need to help the person develop a long-term view. There's multiple different
ways that you can do this, I suggest doing all of these ways. Number one is introduce the person to
other people who have a long view for their lives. You know those inspiring people who seem to just
always know where they're going and what's next. They accomplish great things. They seem to have
great wisdom, patience, understanding of other people. Invite those people over to your house.
Have them for dinner, ask questions, bring them into your community and your fold.
So that the person that you're trying to motivate will see that the recipe success
is not sitting around doing nothing but taking action even if you fail. In fact,
if you get those people with a long view talking they will often times be very open
about their failures. Everyone's got failures that happen before their success and if you focus on
going toward the failures as well as the successful moments then you will be taking
action all the time. Usually, people who are unmotivated are afraid of making mistakes or
failing or not being perfect in some way so then they just don't take any action altogether. But
success isn't about being perfect immediately it's about taking action and embracing the failures as
well as the successes. Another thing that you can do to help a person develop a long view
is to create a vision with them. In my teaching self-government parenting program. I talk about
creating a family vision. This is a time where you create a vision into the future for your family
20 years in the future of who you're becoming as a family. So that your whole family has a
shared goal that they're working toward. Well, the same principle is true for an individual.
Each individual that is highly motivated is consistently making plans for themselves.
These step-by-step plans are based on this long view vision of who they think they are becoming or
what type of an impact they want to have on the world. How they want to serve. What they
want to accomplish. So, the person that you're working with who seems to be very unmotivated
needs to embrace the idea of making a vision for themselves with no excuses. So, some people who
are very unmotivated maybe they're perfectionistic when you start making a vision with them,
they'll immediately come up with excuses for why they can't get what they want. If
you struggle with that you'll probably want to see another video that I've made called
can you do cognitive behavioral therapy on your own. The person you're working with might need
to learn how to adjust their own way of thinking. Now, at the end of this video I know you're going
to probably want to go and see that video. But before you do that be sure to subscribe.
Now, let's get back into our points that we need to talk about right now about motivation. Point
number two is phases. So, the person that you're talking to needs to understand the phases of their
own development. So oftentimes, people are wanting to motivate children. Well, do they understand the
phases of their own children? Do the children understand the phases that they go through?
So there are certain times in a person's life where they need to stay near somebody else.
They need to be working with somebody else and getting trained.
Sometimes we think somebody isn't motivated because they don't do things on their own but
maybe they haven't had the training yet. So we've got to think in terms of doing training first
and then helping somebody launch off on their own. In fact, let's be honest sometimes adults don't
even have the training that they need yet because potentially they've not been properly nurtured or
had the types of life experiences that have prepared them to take the next steps
in their lives. So, make sure that you talk about where a person is at developmentally
and if they need additional training help plan for that before you start planning for those
steps to move on and self-motivate. Number three is help the person identify what their
spark subject is. What's a spark subject? A spark subject is something that excites you.
Something that you feel motivated by. Now, if you know that somebody gets
sparked by something that might be destroying their motivation like video games or something
like that. That's not going to be a spark subject that you're going to pick. Even though
maybe that does excite them but there's got to be something else. Is there an area of study?
Is there a type of music? Is there a person that they talk to that inspires them?
Is there something that they enjoy doing with their hands or with their bodies?
That might be their spark subject. Something that you need to learn more about. Something that you
need to get them face to face with greatness about. So, once you've identified this person's
spark subject is swords or medieval times. Then go and find a museum about it an expert
about it help the person learn more about those things so that they feel themselves progressing.
There is nothing that destroys motivation more than not knowing anything and not
feeling like you're going anywhere. Some people go through the motions in school
at home at the office and the motions feel so mundane that they start to be uninspiring.
Because they see themselves not feeling any new sparks or progression. So, get them in touch with
something that sparks them on the inside that can help them take steps in that one little direction.
This will inspire them to take steps in all other directions over time. Tip number four is teach
the person skills for success. So, I'm known all over the world for teaching skills and principles
of self-government. Part of self-government is training yourself how to behave in each given
situation to be able to accomplish your end goals. That means you need to have deliberate skills
that you've pre-planned ahead of time so that you can be successful. Now, you can think clearly how
does a developmentally healthy motivated person plan for this type of success or you can use
the skills that I have already created that are helping people all over the world. So, some of the
skills that I teach on teachingselfgovernment.com are skills like following instructions, accepting
no answers. These types of skills are skills that a person uses to self-motivate themselves.
They give themselves instructions. There's a five-step process that a person can use to
follow through with that instruction and when a person is feeling unmotivated they need the
skill for accepting a no answer. They've got to give themselves a no answer and then follow that
up with the next instruction so that they can get moving again. Tip number five is hold them
accountable. Every person that truly accomplishes great things develops a system for holding
themselves accountable. So I suggest having regular meetings. When you begin to talk
about motivation and helping someone find that spark and that thing that they're interested in
and making plans for success you're going to be setting goals with the person about
that particular thing that they're headed toward. Now, don't get upset if when you check-up in the
next meeting they haven't done everything that they said they wanted to do during the meeting.
This is very normal and natural when someone is just starting to get brave enough to become
motivated. It could take a little bit of time but you do want to hold them accountable regularly
because it's that accountability that's going to remind them they do have a plan,
they did want the plan, and they've got to start focusing on it again.
In fact, during this time this meeting time you can even do very proactive things like practice
using some of those skills that you taught them that they could use in certain situations
to keep them moving forward. So, you could role-play. When a person role-play practices
it allows their brain to recognize that it is okay to make these adjustments in the way that they
run their day-to-day lives or make decisions for how to spend their time. If a person cannot give
themselves instructions and no answers they can't self-motivate. That's basically how it boils down
because they'll never be able to keep to any type of a schedule or even a loose plan. So, when you
make the meeting times develop that schedule and then follow up with them on how they're doing with
their skills and their schedule. Motivate them focus on some of the positive things they're doing
even though there's going to be moments of failure. Okay, are you ready for my surprise bonus
tip for you? I think you're gonna like this one. Don't cuddle, as much as we love the person
oftentimes people stay in an unmotivated state because they are getting cuddled.
Because someone does too much for them people do not allow them to fail. Now I
know we're worried about anxiety depression a person feeling like life's hopeless sometimes
but failing is actually a healthy part of life and so don't bring everything to the person.
Don't do everything and make all the calls let them have things not happen. Let them
feel things go stagnant sometimes and then just have the meetings and hold them accountable.
Even when we love a person. In fact, especially when we love a person so much. We need to love
them enough to see the cause and effect of their own decisions. They won't change if someone is
always there to pick up all their pieces and make their life successful for them. It's vital
that we allow them to fail and then encourage them to keep going.
Did you like this video about motivation? If so, I'm pretty sure you're gonna love my next video
which is called the expectation trap versus the cycle for success. This class will truly be
life-changing for you and the people that you're trying to motivate. Click on that class now.