This is blasphemy!
This is madness!
Madness?
This is SPARTAAAAA!!!
(crash)
I'm ok!
How 300 Should Have Ended
I wish to fight as a Spartan, my Lord.
I will kill many Persians.
I'm sure that you're worthy but I can not use you.
The fact remains, you're just too deformed to fight.
You are in fact very hideous.
But you said I have a good spear!
and I have the will!
I- I wish to fight for you.
I know.
and you are denying my offer?
Yes.
You're giving up free soldiers?
Yes.
But you're letting all those potters and sculptors fight, they aren't even Spartans!
This is true.
You're outnumbered a bazillion to one and you're all..
Ohh I can't use you, friend.
You're too ugly.
But we Spartans fight as one solid unit.
Oh, believe me, we all know what Spartans do with their units!
and I see you guys down there with the twirly-whirly slow-mo fighting..
It's not always an impenetrable force.
Don't give me that!
uhhh..
I mean you don't even know me! We just met dude.
This might be super emotionally scarring for me!
I'm just trying to make a wise decis--
I might take this rejection way too harshly.
I may even go to Xerxes' army
revealing the secret path around the cliffs in exchange for swanky girls.
Did you think about that?
Did you?
ahh..
Did you think about that, Leonidas?
Ok, ok.
You can join the fight.
Ah!! Hoahahaha
This is the greatest day of my life! Hahahahah!
So..
We're getting pretty tired from slaughtering all of your men
I'm..
I'm a little concerned we cannot win this battle.
I can make you rich and powerful beyond measure..
It is useless to resist.
You are generous..
Such an offer only a mad man would refuse.
I'll give you everything your heart desires.
If you will just kneel at my--
Xerxes!!
Unhand me!
HAahahha! Woohoo
And that is how Leonidas became president of the universe
I don't think that's historically accurate.
What?? No....
This story is completely accurate.