From a director whose main qualification for Spider-Man is his last name
comes a Spider-Man 2 with the Spider-Man 3 level of quality
"(Whispering) Now dig on this"
"(crowd cheering)"
The Amazing Spider-Man 2.
Hey didn't Cinemasins already do this one?
(ding)
You've already seen that premature reboot to the original trilogy.
Now, before you see the solo spin off to the soft reboot crossover,
revisit the crappy sequel to the premature reboot
that failed so hard spidey swung back over to Marvel.
Then unfortunately back over to Sony again.
(sigh in disappointment)
"Not a great plan."
Lower your expectations,
because the same guys who wrote Star Trek Into Darkness,
and a bunch of bad Michael Bay movies are back
and you can bet they'll be ruining something you loved as a kid,
while including magic blood at some point.
"Once we caught him, I synthesize the serum from his super blood."
"You need Spider-Man's blood?"
"It will save my life."
In a movie that's so bloated,
Black Cat and Spider Slayer only get cameos,
while Aunt May's nursing career has its own plot line.
"Double shift on Thursday."
"Who has to take nursing classes with 22 year old kids so I can pay for you to go to colleague."
Who asked for this!?
Return to a New York where everyone exclusively uses Sony products,
crowds cheer while violent crimes play out,
"(crowd screaming and cheering in excitement)"
and everyone in the city is a scientific genius.
Except Aunt May.
"Me? Your stupid non-scientific aunt."
And say hello hello to Peter Parker, who's corrected his stutter from the first movie.
"Um.. so you... wanna uh..."
"Wanna what?"
"I don't know we could... I don't we could uh..."
And replaced it with constantly repeating himself.
"I ask the question..."
"I ask the question."
"Wait, wait, wait!" "Listen. No."
"Stay with me, stay with me, stay with me, you stay with me."
Watch his relationship with Gwen Stacy grow, from loving her so much,
they have to stay together against her dead dad's wishes.
"Don't make promises you can't keep, Mr. Parker."
"(Whispering) Yeah, but those are the best kind."
To loving her so much that they have to stay apart.
"I can't. I'm sorry Gwen."
To loving her so much that they had to stay together again...
with a healthy dose of stalking in between.
"Have you been following me?"
"Just once a day."
"Sometimes more."
"I'm following you now. I'm just gonna follow you everywhere."
Thrill as spider-Man faces off against Electro,
A villain who combines Milton from "Office Space",
with a Tumblr slash fiction blog.
"You like that spidey?"
"I like it a lot, Max."
When he falls into a tank of eels,
he'll get a random grab bag of electric powers like Magneto. Like...
Magneto-ing. Force lightning.
Invisibility?
And electric cosmetic dentistry?
But for some reason no actual eel powers.
I paid good money to watch Jamie Foxx built a nest for his eggs out of his own saliva.
That's an eel fact. Look it up.
Thrill as everyone forgets the lesson of "Spider-Man 3",
and crams even more villains into an already packed movie like
The Green Goblin. Again,
who's in a frantic rush to cure the diseases dad lived with for 60 years.
"I do not have time!"
Stacy's Ghosts Dad.
And The Rhino.
"I am The Rhino!"
A ridiculous Russian transformer who begins in in fulfill my crab bread on a poop sandwich
So settle in for a spider-Man movie with a good performance by Andrew Garfield,
that was so bogged down by subplots,
underwhelming action, trailer moments with no payoff,
and the constant stink of desperation to create a cinematic universe.
That writer Alex Kurtzman.
Did it all over again with "The Mummy (Reboot)"?!
Seriously?! How does that happen?!
Tom Holland is great but I'll miss Andrew Garfield.
Maybe he could be cooling uncle Ben and get shot by Tobey Maguire?
And then he can fly away in the Japanese Spider Zord.
(Imitating weapons and missiles firing noises)
Now that's the Cinematic Universe I could get behind!
Guys, Screen Junkies is going to Comic-Con!
We'll be covering the whole event live on screen Nicky's news,
but bigger than ever we're throwing our own event live Saturday, July 22nd at House of Blues in San Diego
We had some amazing celebrities lined up who you were not going to miss.
You can get tickets now at screenjunkies/tickets.
That's right. Go pick them up before they're gone, but I know a lot of you are like but I'm not in San Diego
How am I going to be able to do this? Don't worry we got you covered?
We're throwing a sweepstakes we will bring out you and a friend put you up fly you up to join us there in person
It's gonna be so epic do not miss this opportunity and get excited for Screen Junkies Central 2017.
Thanks to the new Samsung Chromebook plus for helping make this possible.