Over the last few weeks, we've seen a barrage of hurricanes
hammer the Caribbean and the Atlantic coast.
But for the White House, there's been another storm brewing.
Not the kind that makes Trump's hair look like this,
but rather one that could also leave them without power.
I'm talking, of course, about Hurricane Mueller.
Breaking news on the Russia investigation at this hour.
REPORTER:
REPORTER 2:
attention toward President Trump himself.
Mueller is requesting documents and information
from the White House related to a range of events,
including the president's firings
of former national security advisor Michael Flynn
and former FBI director James Comey.
REPORTER 3:
Damn. Bob Mueller is relentless.
He's like Trump's personal Freddy Krueger.
Trump just wakes up in the middle of the night, like,
"Aah! Mother. No, no.
"Oh, it was just a dream. It's just a dream.
It's just me and you, Melania."
"That's right, Donald. You're under arrest."
"Aah!"
Now, one of Mueller's recent targets
has been Paul Manafort,
Trump's campaign chairman,
and undercooked Sylvester Stallone.
And the feds aren't just going after Paul Manafort,
they're going hard.
Things are looking very grim for Paul Manafort.
Remember, they raided his house using a tactic, uh,
that they use for drug dealers and mob guys.
REPORTER:
binders stuffed with documents, copied his computer files
and took pictures of his expensive suits.
Wha... Wait, what?
Okay, that last one just sounds like the FBI is window shopping.
I'm not sure why they need to take pictures of his suits.
Unless they're looking for crimes against fashion.
I don't know what they were doing.
"Really? You're gonna wear a double-breasted suit
"with
"I think the Justice Department
will have something to say about that."
Seriously, though, that-that is intense.
Surprise visits in the middle of the night?
All up in his phones?
Ladies, get you a man who wants you
as bad as Mueller wants Manafort.
And I get... I get why Manafort is drawing this much heat,
because everything he's done until now
has been shady.
REPORTER:
on the campaign with one of Russia's richest oligarchs,
somebody very close
to Vladimir Putin.
REPORTER 2:
to a Russian billionaire closely aligned
with the Kremlin in a July 2016 e-mail.
So Manafort offered to brief a Russian oligarch
on the campaign that he was running for Trump?
Now, does that prove he did anything wrong? No.
But ask yourself this, when has the phrase "Russian oligarch"
ever been a good thing? Hmm?
It's like the words "a cappella concert"
or "unmarked van"
or "homemade condom."
Yeah.
Crocheted for her pleasure.
So, this news is all coming out now.
And it-it actually makes you see why last year
Manafort answered questions about Russia like this.
So to be clear, Mr. Trump has no financial relationships
with any Russian oligarchs?
Th-That's what he said. I... I didn't...
That's what I s... That's obviously what the...
our position is.
Wow.
Smooth.
I don't care what the question is--
that answer is always guilty.
Like, if you were ever trying to lie to your girlfriend,
this guy would be a horrible alibi.
"So, Manafort, my boyfriend says
that he was hanging with you all night last night?"
Th-That's what he said. I... I didn't...
That's what I s... That's obviously what the...
our position is.
"I'm-a murder his cheating ass!"
So...
as the Mueller investigation ramps up
and details keep coming out,
the Trump administration is now facing more tough questions.
So, this morning, they sent out human white noise machine
Mike Pence to handle it.
The story this morning is-is about the Mueller investigation.
And I'd like to ask you,
as it focuses on the president's words in the Oval Office
and actions in the White House,
what impact is that having on this administration?
Well, let me assure you that,
as we see, for the first time,
uh, three category 4 hurricanes
make landfall in the United States,
as we see threats like North Korea
and an increasing destabilizing role by Iran,
uh, as we see challenges here at home in health care
and the need to move this economy forward,
I can assure you President Trump and I are completely focused
on the issues that matter the most to the American people.
(laughter)
That is the greatest response to a simple question
I have ever heard.
Can you imagine if you gave that answer to a policeman
who had just pulled you over?
"Sir, have you been drinking?"
(slurring): "Uh, I just want to say that
"I've been really focused on the hurricanes that...
"have made land... and the threats from North Korea
"and-and Iran
on-on this country."
"Wow, you've really put things into perspective.
All right, you're free to go. You're free to go."
You know, thanks to the Russian investigation,
we've learned so many new ways to evade questions.
Uh, you've got Manafort with the st... the stutter step.
Uh, you've got Mike Pence with the smoke screen.
And if you really want to know how to not answer a question,
there's only one man you can go to, Master Spice.
Let's talk about the Russia issue
which seems to be plaguing the presidency.
Has the-the Mueller team reached out to you at all?
I'm not gonna discuss, uh, that issue at all.
Have you hired a lawyer?
I'm not gonna discuss that issue at all.
So you haven't been subpoenaed?
I'm not gonna discuss that issue at all.
Did you ever hear inside the White House
that, uh, Mueller should be fired?
I'm not gonna discuss that issue at all.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa!
Did you... did you catch that little look?
Did you catch that look up at the end there?
Yeah, that's a man who knows where the bodies are buried.
I don't care what you say. He knows.
What was that? What was that?
I'm genuinely worried about how Spicer is going
to come out of this whole thing, because he seems like he's ready
to sign a confession when you ask him anything.
-People have hard feelings toward you, -I understand that.
because they feel that you lied to the American people.
Have you ever lied to the American people?
-I don't think so. -You don't think so?
-No. I don't cheat on my taxes. -Un-Unequivocally,
-you can say no? -I-I...
Look, again, you want to find something...
I-I have not knowingly done anything to-to do that, no.
It's like Sean Spicer has all of the tells at the same time.
It's... "No, no, I've never lied or-or chea... or cheated.
"I am... But... On anything.
"Uh... You...
"You're the lie cheater. Uh, next questions.
"Uh... (chuckles)
What?" (chuckles)
You know... you know what...
(cheers and applause)
You know what he reminds me of? You know what he reminds me...?
He reminds me of Jim Carrey in
when he's trying not to talk, where he's just like, "Aah!"
(laughter)
"Aah!"
Like, Sean Spicer and his tells
may actually end up being a giant problem
for Trump and his team because,
although he left The White House,
it turns out the Spice may have kept receipts.
There was an
that Sean Spicer's notebooks
potentially could be, uh, relevant.
And back in Whitewater, there was an aide
who kept very detailed notes.
His diaries were subpoenaed.
Those became part of the investigation,
so anything anyone ever wrote down
or said about you could get dragged into this.
Spicer was taking notes?
Oh, Donald Trump is so screwed.
-(laughing): He is so screwed. -(laughter)
Oh. Because with anyone else,
they'd probably just destroy the evidence.
With Sean Spicer, you know, he'd start
to try and burn the notebooks, but then somehow
end up setting himself on fire, and it just wouldn't work.
You know what this whole thing reminds me of?
The Wire.
Because Donald Trump wouldn't be in this spot
-if only he'd hired Stringer Bell. -(laughter)
(indistinct chatter)
The (bleep). What is that?
(bleep) Is you taking notes
on a criminal (bleep) conspiracy?
(Bleep) is you thinking, man?
-(laughter) -Get the... out of here!