Transcriber: Samuel Proietti Reviewer: Anna Sobota
October 22nd, 2020 was the day my life changed.
I vividly remember being brought to our local hospital,
being sent to the emergency room, being hooked up to an ECG machine,
and one of the nurses quietly whispering to the other nurse,
“a 13 year old with a heart rate of 35”.
“What?!”
I thought that that was normal.
I begged and I pleaded with the nurses to let me go home.
I was fine.
In fact, I was the best that I had ever been.
They told me I'd need to be kept overnight for monitoring.
That one night turned into 40 days.
Oftentimes when you’re battling a mental illness, you’ll be in denial.
You will do everything in your power to say, I'm fine.
That’s what happened to me
when I was in the midst of anorexia nervosa.
Approximately one in three Canadians
battle mental illness within their lifetime.
But that’s only counting the ones who have been formally diagnosed.
Since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic,
there’s been a dramatic increase of those battling a mental illness.
There’s a stigma around seeking help.
Being seen as unstable or weak.
And that impacts the way people think about seeking help.
Growing up as an athlete, you’re always expected to look strong.
You're always expected to push yourself,
even when you have exceeded your mind and your body’s limits.
Simone Biles once said,
We’re not just athletes, we’re people at the end of the day
and sometimes, you need to take a step back.
Growing up as a dancer,
I was surrounded by the expectations of what the perfect body looks like.
Always wanting to be that girl thrown up in the air for lifts.
Always having a bigger costume than everyone else.
It spoke to the toxic habit of comparison.
“I wish I had a thigh gap like her”,
“I wish I was a size two like everyone else”,
were words that were constantly running through my mind.
I was afraid to look weak among the others.
So one day my parents sought help for me.
I remember the day I was brought into the hospital.
I just wanted to go home.
I was like, why am I even here?
When I was diagnosed with anorexia,
I thought that everyone was crazy for thinking that.
As someone who is typically very analytical, I needed to see proof.
I needed to hear about my lab reports and I need to see my heart rate.
Sure enough, as they increased my intake,
my heart rate went up and my lab reports balanced out.
I will admit, recovery is not easy at all.
There are some days where you feel
like you’re being consumed by the voices in your head
and other days, you will find it hard to believe
that you’re even battling an eating disorder.
But in all honesty,
those lows that you face are a lot better than your previous mindset.
I've seen improvements in my mood, my academics,
my athletics and my overall mindset.
As my recovery progressed, I started growing cast on Instagram.
I found a passion for fitness,
for advocating for food freedom and health at all sizes.
I was educated on the health concerns you can face with an eating disorder
such as Bradycardia and Amenorrhea.
The discrimination of having to look a certain way
to even be considered for inpatient treatments in some parts of the country
and the benefits that medicine and therapy can do together.
At the very start, I was pretty reluctant to be on medication.
I was pretty nervous about the side effects and what could happen.
But over time, I’d seen how much benefit they can have.
Since being in the hospital, I switched medication about four or five times.
Every medication reacts differently with everyone.
But once you find the right one, it can make all the difference.
With the help of my cousin, I started weightlifting.
Soon enough, I'd found passion rather than punishment.
I found passion in what your body can do for you
rather than trying to shrink it.
Seeking help for your mental health may be one of the scariest things
that you will ever do,
but is the best decision of your life.
Mental illness is strong but you are stronger.
Thank you.