Most people, parents or not, know that raising a teenager or young adult can be the most challenging time.
Many teens are trying to find their way in the world and going through many changes in the process.
This can lead to impulsive actions and self-centered attitudes.
What most parents don't realize is that narcissism usually begins in the teenage years or early adulthood, so it is very important that teenagers live in a stable and attentive home.
It can be hard to tell the difference between narcissism and a teenager just being self-centered.
Unfortunately, some parents have to face the reality and ask themselves, "What can I do if my child is a narcissist?" This question is never easy to answer because you don't have all the facts. There isn't a parent who does.
Each child is different, but this video will tell you about some ways to help cope with a narcissistic child.
Grab your coffee or tea and relax. You’re going to want to hear this great list of tips and tricks.
Number 1: Focus on the teen's effort when they’re doing something.
When their child is great at something, whether it is school or a sport, parents have a tendency to keep praising them for being the best out of everyone else, and that can create an egocentric mindset. Most parents do not realize how that is not always the best thing.
Parents want to boost their child's self-esteem and show them how proud they are, but it is important that a parent focuses on the journey to the win rather than the win itself.
Praise them for all the studying they did to get that A or all the nights or mornings spent practicing to score those goals.
Instead of focusing on the child being better than their peers, place the focus on other aspects.
It can show the teen that it is not important to be better than everyone else, but rather how much they wanted it and how they earned it through hard work.
This will maintain their self-confidence, but prevent an egocentric mindset. Will it be easy? No.
Many narcissistic children like to hear how much better they are than everyone else, but through consistency and shifting focus, eventually you can shift that mindset.
Number 2: Picking battles with your teenager.
Another way to deal with a narcissistic child is to pick and choose your battles with the teen or young adult.
This can be hard as a parent when you just want to put your teenager in their place and open their eyes, but child narcissism is not that simple. Sometimes the best thing to do is to not do anything at all.
This includes giving into their arguments, giving them what they want and praising them, or buying them what they want out of guilt.
Just like dealing with narcissistic adults, sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all.
Teenagers are used to their parents talking to them no matter what, and many times silence can open their eyes to their behavior.
Number 3: Talk therapy.
As a parent, you have to sit down and realize that maybe your child isn't listening just because you happen to be their parent.
That is okay. Many narcissistic children can benefit from therapy; talking to a stranger about their problems can sometimes help in more ways than you think.
A lot of teenagers find therapy helpful because it is a person they do not have to see all the time, only once or twice a week, the person is seen as intelligent and professional, and is just there to listen.
Teenagers find it great to talk about themselves and they can spend an hour or so doing it.
Of course, a parent attempting to bring an older child to therapy may not go as smoothly as a minor, as the child is convinced that they are perfect the way they are.
This can cause problems at home. The child can grow distant from the parents, and at times may attempt to make them believe that it is they who need therapy.
Number 4: Do not give in.
Set boundaries. No is a word that every teenager dreads to hear.
Saying no to a teenager is basically saying, "I hate you."
Parents find it easier at times to just give into what their child wants and that increases the power the child has in the relationship.
Giving them power all the time can set them up for toxic relationships with lovers, friends, and coworkers.
It is important to set boundaries and not allow impulsive or erratic behavior to continue.
It is also important to understand when the child is attempting to gaslight the parent and step away from the situation and enforce control.
You do not want the child to believe that only one person in a relationship has control, but that both parties must have an equal amount and compromise.
This can help the child with communication if the parent stays consistent.
One trait that narcissistic children and adults lack is respecting others.
When setting boundaries for your child, this can help them build the ability to respect others and their decisions, and especially respect them when they’re told no.
This can show teenagers that maybe they have gone too far, that maybe they need to start setting boundaries within themselves.
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Number 5: Encourage selfless activities.
An important way to deal with narcissistic children is to show them that they are not the only people in the world with problems in life.
This can include volunteering for shelters, kitchens, somewhere that includes people of their age and slightly older and younger people. This can help shape their views of the world.
But parents, don't be surprised if your teen does not seem moved or shocked at the time; many narcissists do not like to claim when they are wrong because it shows an imperfection, but a lot of teens will go home and contemplate the things they saw. It can really move them in their own way.
Sometimes it won't even work the first time. That is why it is important to consistently keep encouraging these acts that may leave an imprint on their life.
The goal of this is to encourage them to expand their thinking past themselves. Eventually, they will think it's normal to help others.
Number 6: Love without materialism.
Teenagers to young adults are all about "gimme gimme gimme! " It can be hard to believe that we don't have to give the child every single thing they want.
Some teenagers can seriously make their parents believe that they do not feel loved unless they get what they ask for, which results in the child getting more control over the relationship.
It is necessary to teach the child that your love is not always materialistic. This can also tie back into setting boundaries.
That boy or girl does not need every new pair of shoes that comes out to feel better about themselves.The parent still does love them even if they say no.
When they achieve or accomplish something important, they do not need to be rewarded with extravagant gifts for their good job.
They need to be congratulated, they need to be praised for the hard work they did to get there, and move on.
Number 7: Set realistic goals at home.
One thing many narcissistic children have in common is unrealistic expectations of their parents.
Many children have this belief that the parents should be doing everything other parents are doing, having a lot of money to buy them whatever they want, and naturally want to bow down to their needs.
If a parent is always attempting to meet these goals, this can create that self-belief that they will get whatever they want because they are important enough.
It is important to discuss with your children the reality of life and what the expectations should be on the child's end and the parents'.
Setting these goals on both sides shows the child that not everything is centered around them, that the parent works hard to obtain these goals for the home and the child.
Encouraging young adults to get a part-time job to help pay for the things they want can help establish independence and a clear view on what the parents have to go through.
Number 8: Teaching them criticism is okay.
No one likes to hear criticism when you attempt to do something. It can be a stab in the gut and it can be painful to your self-esteem.
The key to criticism is that it helps you grow to be better. Children with narcissistic symptoms show a heavy emotional reaction to criticism of something they have done. This can be on an art project, a sport, a paper, story, etc, something they worked hard on and expected great feedback.
Young adults with narcissistic traits will try to blame the other person, the one critiquing, and claim they don't know what they are doing.
Instead of using the advice to their advantage, they will try every trick in the book to get that advice or grade changed because they believe they are truly right.
As a parent, it is essential to teach your child the importance of receiving and accepting criticism.
Explain to the child the pros of criticism and how it can help them improve in the future.
Some children will push back on the advice and claim that it was perfect. You say you are very proud that they are proud of their work, but it never hurts to try again.
Giving in and agreeing that it was the best and that the teacher or critic doesn't know anything only increases their self-entitlement.
Eventually, when the child goes at something the second time and takes the advice and gets a better score or grade, they will have a more open mind to advice next time.