There was literally nothing I can do, doesn't matter how I eat, doesn't matter what I do
there's lots of vegans, they get cancer. Doesn't freaking matter.
My diagnosis was a surprise.
Three, two, one, go.
So I found a lump in my breast, I knew something was wrong-
still I somewhat agree because, you like to think that it's gonna be something else, it's gonna be a cyst, it's gonna be benign,
but then when they actually tell you and you hear those words "You have breast cancer", it's like...
For me I had a childhood cancer, so I was diagnosed when I was eight.
And you know -I'm a kid- I don't think about this kind of stuff.
I'm thinking about you know, playing tag with my friends or going to the movies. It was definitely a shock.
Yeah, I definitely, uh,
feel the same way. Back pain and leg pain, only symptoms and we just go to work being miserable,
go home, and lie in bed, and my parents are like: "You know,
maybe you should go to the ER"
And then we get there and they do a scan like oh you have a giant mass in you. I'm like, okay great!
Dating and romantic relationships were more difficult after my diagnosis.
Three, two, one go.
I had a guy say to me:
¨How are you gonna date guys now? You're kind of damaged goods.¨
Then you go find him. Right? Like let's go
Cancer crew what's up?
So, I mean apart from the fact that dating in general is very difficult,
it's like: How am I gonna find someone who- A: will not think of it that way
But then he also has to deal with me thinking that I am that way
I guess I just never really- got- been into relationships
I guess really the only light kind of hamper with that is be like: "Yo,
I've had cancer, like this could come back, like I- and also like- I can't have kids anymore" right?
So like now I have some new hurdles that somebody now has to deal with, with me
I'm actually going to change my answer after hearing you, because I'm in the exact same boat
Im in Frodo as well, like I can't have children as a result of both being testicular cancer survivors.
I often think about what...
Sorry, I don´t...
I would think about what,
what it's gonna be like now when I, you know, find someone when I meet a,
a great woman, and now I can't-
You know, maybe have children if she would want children
How would I bring it up in a conversation? What I ever?
I think that, like when someone falls in love with you, they're gonna fall in love with you and-
um-
hearing that isn't gonna change it, and if it does
they're probably not the person that you should be with.
I was able to find someone really amazing. Who's
like stuck through all this with me, and like, I was bald on tinder being like: "Who wants this?"
It's still really hard, like it did make it difficult to help these relationships grow.
Im also like, processing everything right now,
while like, formulating this relationship with someone. So it's like a little bit of a struggle.
My diagnosis affected my relationship with my family.
Three, two, one- go.
So, it did affect my relationship with my family, but for the better, so we became a lot closer-
so we went through it as a, as a family.
I was lucky enough to have the right friends around me and the support, and I'm pretty sure without them
I wouldn't be standing here today, for sure.
I kind of had a little bit of a different experience.
I like pushed everybody away
Oh God, okay.
I like pushed everybody away through out my treatment and everything.
It's also kind of new, because it just happened about a year ago
I'm from Texas and so my mom like, moved- moved out here to come live with- live with me during my treatment
and I'm having like a really hard time connecting with her because
I keep like associating her,
with that time.
So...
-I've also never said that out loud. So, sorry I'm getting super emotional right now, but... -Don't apologize. -Don't be sorry.
yeah, so...
I feel like there's this protective barrier on both sides and having been a survivor and
the loved one of someone who had cancer.
it's: "I want to protect you guys from
thinking I'm not gonna make it , and from being hurt and from being sad."
And they want to protect me from thinking they're worried or
God forbid I would lose hope or anything of that
And so we think we're protecting each other, but we're really creating a disconnect
and I feel like it's long long after
We survive...
that disconnect is there, we don't go back and become transparent about what we need to do to really move forward in life.
Yeah...
There was a moment when I thought I wouldn't survive.
Three, two , one go.
I mean, I think initially with any cancer, you always think that, you know,
you're not gonna survive very early on.
I was not told, you know, what the prognosis was, "Was I gonna be okay?"
"What's my survival percentage?" And so, there was one very, very dark moment for me.
I tried to take my own life, because I thought
that, that was going to be my life from here on out and
I would recommend right now, to anyone who is a cancer patient,
please don't do anything like that- don't,
because I did not have all the information yet.
I did not know what was going to happen or what wasn't.
Can I hug you?
Yeah!
And I think for me it's the same thing,
it was that dark place in between diagnosis and not knowing. And it was that, I just remember laying in bed thinking: "Shit,
am I gonna die? Is this it? Like, I need to take cooking classes in Italy. I haven't seen Niagara Falls
I haven't done the stuff I want to do."
When they diagnosed me in the name of the stage, it's 2B Unfavor able
and I'm like first of all, why would you do that to me? Like, why would you put unfavorable in the name?
That's just rude.
She explained to me that, you know, it was just a formality just a name, like the treatment you...
should be responding to it really well and so going through it
I was like: "Okay, you know what? I can do this."
But then there got to a point in the chemo that I was like: "This, is what I might not survive"
Like the cancer, okay
I was living in with it for like maybe, I don't know, like a year? And I seemed to be doing fine then, man
but this chemo is
really making me suffer.
I have experienced survivor's guilt.
Three, two, one, go.
I could have been born poor,
I could have had a different kind of cancer, like all of these different things
working together, and I'm not saying that
I shouldn't have survived, and I'm not saying that I didn't work very hard and my doctors didn't work very hard.
But on some level, I do feel guilt because there are so many people who...
deserve to have survived and haven't, and why is it that I was chosen to be one of those people?
In my second year of treatment, I would have been ten years old,
the hospital that I went to had this art show where all the kids get to paint and- and make some cool drawings and I
saw next door to me,
there was another photo but no one was there and reality kind of sank in, and I asked my dad
I was like: "Dad, why isn't he here?" and later that night
he said: "I don't think he made it." And so I think about that kid every day.
I feel bad that I don't remember his name, but I think about his family, his mom who doesn't have a son anymore and
he's never gonna get to go to
prom and
graduate college and get the job of his dreams and have a family. And it's, that, that one was was pretty tough for me
When I lost my brother
he was 32 years old , to cancer, but I don't know why his journey in this life was only 32 years.
But I know he did impress a lot of things and a lot of people in that 32 years.
I believe...
that if my brother could see me and I struggled for a very long time after losing him, that he would have said:
"The last thing I ever want to see is you being sad.
Enjoy your life. You don't have to be Wonder Woman. Like, you just have to live your best life, your happiest life.
And maybe it's enjoying pizza and laughing with your friends,
And that's your best life, have it and love it, because it's short and- and don't, don't miss out on it."
I am afraid of getting cancer again.
Three
Two
One
Go
So, I'm the weirdo?
Alright, cool.
So, there's a slang term within the cancer world known as scan xiety,
and you know
it's when you go in for a scan, you get inside and you're like: "I don't know if cancer is gonna come back now,"
or whatever like, I can't change it. There was literally nothing I can do
doesn't matter how I eat, doesn't matter what I do, doesn't matter what people tell you.
There's lots of vegans, they get Cancer
doesn't freaking matter. So like,
I just have to beat it again. You know, what else am I gonna do?
God. You're such a positive person.
I wanna hang out with you.
I think it is just because, I like just finished my treatment and everything.
And so I think that's why
It's so scary, because like I haven't even been cancer-free for like a year yet or anything like that
you know, it's just a lot of
anxiety, but I think like with time, you know, kind of like you guys are saying that: "It's still kind of scary,
but you'll slowly make your way over there." I think that'll happen with me too so,
Surviving cancer has made me a stronger person.
Three, two, one, go.
I mean not to toot my own horn, but I would say that I would have had to have been a strong person
before.
I feel like surviving cancer made me
realize that I was a strong person, but I don't think it made me stronger per se.
I mean I was a strong person and a passionate person my entire life
but I think it made me even stronger, even less tolerant of pettiness, of drama
you know, when that kind of stuff comes up, it was like no, I don't have time for that, and it made me very
assertive in the fact that, if I want to accomplish this, I'm in it right now.
I like to think as well that I was strong before, but it's only after you experience something so
life-changing that you realize how truly strong you are, you know, it's no longer what I think it's how I think...
that really puts a smile on my face. And so in that regard, it has made me very strong.
It's very good to say that, I like that.
Hey guys, thank you so much for watching that episode of spectrum
it's our last episode of the series for the year and I want to thank everybody who came out and
participated for sharing their stories with us.
And we just want to say from the whole team:
Happy holidays!
See you next time.