In this video, we're going to be talking about how to get your ex to initiate contact with
you. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to be hard
to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not, because
you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person that you are. If you
agree with me, do me a favor by hitting that thumbs up button for this video, and maybe
think about subscribing to this channel as well if you're new here. Also, I do want to
let you know that we do have our course called the Ex Solution program, which covers this
whole topic about creating a strong, emotional connection, which we will be getting into
in this video, by the way. But you can find more about the Ex Solution
program in the description box for this video. I'm not going to hard sell you on it here.
If you're interested, check it out. If not, no worries. Let's go ahead and get into this
video. The whole idea of your ex initiating contact with you is something that a lot of
people want. I've spoken to lots of people, I've worked with lots of people over the years
who have been concerned if their ex is not initiating contact with them. They want their
ex to do it. It kind of gives them a little bit of reassurance that, "Okay, my ex is wanting
this conversation to continue, wanting this dialogue to continue, wanting us to still
be in communication with one another." It's also a good sign that, yeah, things are moving
in the right direction. Unfortunately, there's also a lot of people
out there who are trying to force this to happen through mind game sort of stuff, playing
hard to get, reverse psychology, things like that. These are not going to be very good
in the long run. If you really want your ex to contact you, there are ways that you can
make that happen. But what happens afterwards is not really good, let's put it that way.
Let's go ahead and get into what needs to be in place for your ex to actually want to
be in contact with you, and not some sort of gimmick or stunt or anything like that
that might get you a temporary response from your ex, but isn't probably going to lead
to anything great in the long run. Let's break this down.
If your ex is going to contact you, not out of some sort of practical, pragmatic reason,
not because you, I don't know, said something like, "Hey, I'm pregnant," or something like
that, but because they actually want to contact you, it's going to have to be because they
believe that being in communication with you feels good. Okay? That's one element that
needs to be in place. So, they have to believe that if they are going to pick up their phone
and call you or text you or something like that, that it's going to somehow be a benefit
to them to do that. We're going to talk about putting these things in place, but we're just
going to reverse engineer this, first of all. Second of all, they also need to not have
any emotional obstacles that could be keeping them from wanting to contact you or initiate
contact with you. Okay? What do I mean by these emotional obstacles?
Your ex might be holding themselves back from contacting you because maybe, for example,
they feel guilty for hurting you after the breakup. It's not uncommon for someone's ex
to feel bad, to think that, "Oh, I hurt you when we broke up, I made you cry. I said things
that hurt you emotionally. Who am I to call you, to text you, to bring all that pain back
to you again? Maybe I just won't. It's happened before." Another reason your ex might not
feel emotionally able to contact you is because maybe there's still a lot of hurt feelings
after the breakup. Maybe they think that you did something wrong to hurt them. Maybe you
actually did, or maybe it was just some sort of misunderstanding. But if there's some sort
of hurt feelings about things that were said or done before, during or after the breakup,
it can create this sort of barrier, this additional barrier that your ex has to get through in
order to actually contact you. So, basically what has to happen for your
ex to want to pick up the phone and to call you or text you or whatever the case may be,
they have to, number one, believe that there's going to be something good that's going to
come of it, or, and two, they also need to believe that there isn't this giant wall of
negative emotions that they have to pass through in order to get to the other side of it. So,
if there's guilt, if there's hurt feelings, if there's shame, if there's embarrassment,
if there's something else that could be keeping them from moving towards picking up that phone
and contacting you, that has to be removed. What you want to do first and foremost is
realize that, okay, if you're not there right now, you're probably going to have to initiate
some contact with them in order to kind of clean things up so there is that clear channel
that's going to inspire them to pick up the phone and contact you.
Now, before we get into all of this, we're going to be talking about some kind of high
level stuff relating to what we call advanced relational skills. I'm not going to be able
to go over all of it in this one short video, but if you do want to learn more about advanced
relational skills, you can find information on that in this video playlist up there in
the corner. Okay. So, first of all, you're going to need to show them that you aren't
trying to just railroad them into some sort of relationship or commitment or agenda that
maybe they don't feel emotionally ready for right now themselves. Okay? So, your ex is
going to need to go on this journey of connecting with you, of feeling good interacting with
you. As they do that, they're going to start to have more and more of an idea of, "Okay,
we could be in a relationship. I can see a future with the two of us together. This makes
sense." But if, for example, you're not interested
in understanding them emotionally and not interested in understanding where they're
coming from and what their experience is, but you just want to get back together because
maybe you feel bad, maybe you're in damage control mode, and you just want to get back
to normal so that you can feel good, they're not going to see that as a really inspiring
thing. They're going to see it as, "Okay, you're just using me as a means to an end
so that you can tick the box of being in a relationship, tick the box of being back together
and move on. But I don't want to be a means to an end for you. I don't want you to use
me as some sort of vehicle to feel good. I want actually to be understood and to be heard
and all of that." So, what you need to do is you need to be
able to shift them, shift yourself, rather from being relationship focused towards being
connection focused. Okay? That means that you're not trying to get the relationship
with them hoping that the connection follows, but you're wanting to get the connection with
them trusting that once the connection is in place, the relationship will naturally
and organically come out of that. You may also need to kind of shift your ex down from
being relationship focused as well too. We can talk about that some other time in some
other video, but that is also an issue that people have with their exes as well, too.
So, we want to be able to focus on the emotional connection, not so much the relationship.
You also want to have a clear path for the two of you to connect. That means you need
to resolve any emotional challenges, decrease expectations, things like that. So, if there's
hurt feelings between the two of you, you got to clean that up. If there is misunderstandings
between the two of you that are creating that emotional wall, that's going to be hard for
them to reach through. You've got to clean that up. You have to basically make sure that
channel of connection between you and them is as clear as possible, so if they're feeling
guilty, let them know that they don't have to feel guilty about breaking up with you.
Let them know that, "Hey, given how everything was between the two of you, I totally understand
why you did what you did." If you did anything that you think was wrong,
maybe you hurt them in some way, maybe you betrayed their trust, maybe you did things
that were not so great that led to the breakup, or maybe you did things after the breakup
that were, let's just say, not so productive, you may need to clean those up as well too.
That there's not this wall, this barrier of hurt emotion that's keeping them from taking
that step forward towards initiating contact with you. Then finally, you also just need
to leave the door open for communication between the two of you. That means just let them know
if they're hesitant about communicating with you, let them know that you're not trying
to force anything that's not there. Let them know that you just want to enjoy connecting
in the moment, again, being connection focused, not relationship focused.
Let them know that whenever they feel ready, you're willing and able to listen to them.
You're not trying to force anything. You don't have an agenda, all of these other things
we've sort of touched on in this video up until this point. Once those things are in
place, then you have the right conditions for your ex to want to initiate contact with
you. No mind games involved, no reverse psychology involved, no playing hard to get involved.
This is just creating a context, having an interaction that feels good, letting them
believe that interacting with you is going to be a benefit to their life, and then just
giving them the space to come to you. This is, of course, going to require some work.
It's not just a matter of, "Oh, yeah. Send them this cryptic text message or something,
and then they're going to contact you." Then it's like, "Well, what now?" But no,
you actually have to put some things into place in order for them to actually initiate
contact with you, most likely. Again, I don't know specifically where you're at specifically,
what's happening in your circumstance, most likely, but these are the things that need
to be in place for your ex to take the initiative. If you want to learn more about this emotional
world that's going on beneath the surface between you and your ex that needs to be put
in place before they feel comfortable taking the initiative, we do have our course called
the Ex Solution program. You can find out more information about that in the description
box below. It might be a good fit for you, maybe not.
I don't know. Not going to hard sell you on it, but if you want to learn more about it,
it is down below. You also might want to learn more about our advanced relational skills.
We have a whole video series on that over here. You can check that out, or you might
want to check out this video over here. But once again, my name is Clay. Thank you so
much for watching this video. Please like and subscribe, and I'll talk to you next time.
Take care.