As the galaxy became a more and more dangerous place because of the threat of separatist ambush,
Senators and Representatives of the Galactic senate often needed a Jedi and Clone Escort to and
from their diplomatic meetings. On one of these meetings, Jedi General Obi-Wan Kenobi was assigned
to be the body guard of Representative Jar Jar binks… As you can imagine things didn’t go very
well at all… Unfortunately, Obi-wan lost his whole squad of clones just to protect Jar Jar binks…
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So the story begins aboard Obi-Wan’s ship,
where he is joined by Jar Jar, who asks Obi-Wan how he’s feeling after their long
day of diplomatic negotiations. Obi-Wan is very pleased that the negotiations are over,
because they do tend to drag on… and we know Obi-Wan is not brave enough for politics.
After hearing this, Jar Jar tells Obi-Wan that it's very lucky that
they had each other during the negotiations, and Obi-Wan isn’t too impressed with jar jar,
telling him that it wasn’t really luck. The chancellor personally assigned Obi-Wan to be Jar
Jar’s bodyguard for the diplomatic negotiations so that he wouldn’t be assassinated easily.
Despite that, Obi-Wan was very pleased with how well the meeting went and was surprised
that Jar Jar didn’t get into a fight for cause any trouble for the Republic. Strangely though,
Obi-Wan hasn’t seen separatist forces in a quite a while now, which worries him deeply.
As Jar Jar strolls into the back of the ship, Obi-Wan spots something strange not far in
front of him, before demanding that his captain do a scan on it to determine what it could be.
Before the Captain can even tell him, Obi-Wan knows that their ship is now under attack by
droid forces, putting Jar Jar’s life in severe danger… If it wasn’t already for his whole life.
Obi-Wan’s clone captain then warns Jar Jar to hang on to something as the ride is about
to get a whole lot more bumpy, but the Gungan just doesn’t listen to his captain’s advice,
and goes crashing straight into the floor of the ship, badly hurting his jaw.
Back in the cockpit, The Clone Captain declares that the ship has lost it’s starboard engine,
and they’re going to have to put the ship dow on the nearest planet, no matter how harsh or
dangerous it may be. While this is going on, fires rip through the main deck of the ship smoke
is billowing through the area, but Jar Jar does absolutely nothing to help. Instead, he simply
curls up into a ball and refuses to believe that his ship is really going down, clearly putting
the lives of all of the clone Troopers on board at extreme risk, not even offering to help them.
Also, make sure you give this Clone Captain a name in the comments down below.
Bonus points if you can make it related to Gungans or Jar Jar.
Following this, Obi-Wan look to his navi computer,
which shows him that the nearest planet to their current locations
is around a quarter of a parsec away, and seems to be inhabited. It’s name is Hoth.
As their ship makes a rocky crash landing on the icy surface of Hoth below,
Obi-Wan’s clone troopers fight valiantly back at the droid forces above them,
but they are simply outmatched in this scenario. Because of this,
Obi-Wan forces Jar Jar to keep running forward, which is proving to be a bit of a struggle since
Jar Jar is horribly frightened by all of the blasts and explosions going off around him.
As the droid forces from the air get closer to Obi-Wan and Jar Jar, Obi-Wan
ignites his lightsaber, ready to deflect any threats to Jar Jar,
but the representative is completely losing it, and is terrified that they’re all going to die.
Obi-Wan then warns the representative to keep running, but Jar Jar can’t help
but think that they’re all going to die in this terribly freezy place.
Following this, the last of Obi-Wan’s men tragically takes a blaste bolt right to the chest,
killing him on the spot and marking the end of his brave Clone support team.
Obi-Wan says that they were very good, loyal men and they deserved better deaths than these…
Although their sole duty was to protect representative Binks,
Obi-Wan knows that these men should have had plenty more battle ahead of them.
Following this, Obi-Wan manages to catch a break from the endless stream of blaster fire
directed his way, and purchase up on a small snow hill. When he looks down, he finally discovers a
horde of battle droids, who are discussing the tragic truth that all of the republic forces
*appear* to be destroyed, but the snow is jamming their sensors so they can’t really tell.
This leads Obi-Wan to sneak around the massive group of B-1 battle droids,
who are all following their orders precisely, trying to gather more information on whether or
not any of the Republic ships survived, in order to attempt an escape. Unfortunately however,
as he is conducting this recon, Jar Jar comes running out of nowhere, shouting loudly and
swinging his arms all over the place, demanding that Obi-Wan surrender to the battle droid forces.
Obi-Wan is not happy with this at all, as he told Jar Jar to stay away from this area at all costs
because there is literally a squadron of battle droids right behind him.
After Jar Jar suggests the surrender again, obi-Wan hilariously tells him
“Senator, despite the frosty climate, this is no time to get cold feet”...
Jar Jar finally agrees to go back to go back to his hiding spot, but once he begins,
he notices a large pack of Tauntauns in his way, which of course scares him off badly.
Not only that however, but Obi-wan soon notices that there are a bunch of Wampas
hunting these tauntauns’ making Jar Jar even more horrified to walk down there.
Meanwhile, at the Republic ship crash landing site, the unit of B-1 battle droids scan the areas
and appear to find no survivors… that is, until their commander looks over through his scanner and
notices two more bodies, this time with much more heat emanating from them and very close nearby.
As the battle droids begin marching towards the location of their scan, Obi-Wan and
Jar Jar are curled up in a small trench, stuck between a rock and a hard place. To their left
is a ferocious back of B-1 battle droids, ready to blast their head off in an instant,
and to their right is a hungry group of wampas, ready to tear Jar Jar’s arms off at any moment.
Following this, Obi-Wan tells Jar Jar that he’s sorry, but even he isn’t capable of taking down
a whole squad of B-1 battle droids that big alone, to which Jar Jar asks what they are going to do.
This sparks an idea in Obi-Wan’s mind. Obi-Wan asks Jar Jar “have you ever done a tauntaun
impression”. Jar jar hilariously responds by asking Obi-wan if he’s getting brain freezings,
wondering how on Hoth that could help.
Obi-Wan then pulls jar jar through the thick snow, right in the middle of the
wampas and the B-1 battle droids, and they both begin making tauntaun communication noises.
As soon as the B-1 units hear this call, they roger roger and move out to investigate,
as the living creatures on the other side do the same thing.
Following this, something pretty amazing happens. The mass of snow,
mixed with the extreme amount of creatures waving around manically in front of them,
completely overload the ocular sensors of the B-1 battle droids. The droids do however have
their hearing sensors working, so they follow the direction of the noise, hoping to find the source.
Jar Jar continues blasting Tauntaun noises through his mouth, which as predicted,
attracts the B-1 units right to them on the left, who want to take no prisoners,
and attracts the living snow creatures on the right, which are complete savage beasts.
This then allows Obi-Wan and jar jar to slip away into the snow,
leaving the B-1 units to fight against the wild Wampas and Tauntauns,
creating a massive showdown between droids and savage creatures.
Obi-Wan then saves Jar Jar’s head, by warning him to get down, just as a wampa is about to strike
it off of his shoulders, before they sprint off of the battle field, leaving the droids
to be crushed and ripped apart. The two then sprint away from the area, and shortly after,
Obi-Wan continues slicing through B-1 battle droids, in order to make his final escape.
And to end the story, Obi-Wan destroys the last of the B-1 units,
before calling Jar Jar over and telling him to get ready
to make their final escape. Obi-Wan is of course not the most confident pilot,
but it certainly beats having Jar Jar behind the controls, so he knows it must be done.
Finally, they steal a separatist landing craft from the surface of hoth, before jetting away
from the surface and straight back into space, finally able to make their escape.
On board, Obi-Wan tells Jar Jar that he’s very lucky to be alive after this whole situation,
but Jar Jar is still concerned that they are in a droid ship…
Obi-Wan tells him “well, lets just hope we can use our diplomatic skills to negotiate
our way into republic space… last thing we need is another cold reception.
Obi-wan also reminds Jar Jar that a whole squad of
loyal clone troopers gave their lives to save his today, so he must remember that.
Thanks so much for watching, really hope you enjoyed the video. Cheers guys,
hope to see you in the next one!