>>> HEY, EVERYBODY. I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME
AT HOME WATCHING THE SHOW. IT'S BEEN A LONG, HARD TIME.
I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE LOST THEIR JOBS.
AND THERE'S THIS CLIMATE, UNFORTUNATELY A LOT OF BLACK
PEOPLE LOSE THEIR JOBS. THIS NEXT PIECE IS ABOUT JUST
THAT. IT'S ABOUT TWO BLACK PEOPLE WHO
HAVE LOST THEIR JOBS BECAUSE OF THIS NEW SOCIAL CLIMATE WE'RE
ALL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT. SADLY, THESE TWO BLACK PEOPLE
MAY NEVER GET THOSE JOBS BACK. ENJOY.
>> I'M SORRY, IT'S JUST NOT WORKING OUT, WE HAVE TO LET YOU
GO. >> BUT I'M AUNT JEMIMA!
[ LAUGHTER ] WHO DOESN'T LOVE MY PANCAKES?
>> EVERYONE LOVES YOUR PANCAKES, AUNT JEMIMA.
>> IT'S YOU. YOU'RE THE PROBLEM.
>> ME? WHAT DID I DO?
>> IT'S NOT WHAT YOU DID, IT'S HOW YOU MADE US FEEL ABOUT WHAT
WE DID. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> BUT YOU CAN'T FIRE ME. I'M A SLAVE.
THAT'S THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT YOUR JOB, THE JOB SECURITY.
>> WE UNDERSTAND THAT. >> NO, YOU DON'T.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. ALL I EVER DID WAS MAKE
PANCAKES. AND THAT'S WHY AUNT JEMIMA
PANCAKES ARE THE FLUFFIEST, THE BUTTERIEST, MOUTH-WATERING
PANCAKES ON THE SHELF. THE SECRET IS, I USE MY OWN
BREAST MILK. [ MOANS AND LAUGHTER ]
>> AUNT JEMIMA, THIS IS HARD FOR US TOO, WE LOVE YOU.
>> AND THANK YOU FOR BREAST FEEDING OUR CHILDREN.
>> IT'S BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN, ISN'T IT?
WHAT ABOUT UNCLE BEN? >> OH, DAMMIT, WOMAN.
[ LAUGHTER ] DON'T DRAG ME INTO THIS MESS.
>> IF I'M GOING DOWN, YOU COMING WITH ME.
>> ACTUALLY, UNCLE BEN, SHE'S RIGHT.
>> WE HAVE TO LET YOU GO TOO. FOR THE SAME REASON.
>> BUT YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME. I'M UNCLE BEN.
[ LAUGHTER ] I GOT SO MANY NIECES AND NEPHEWS
TO TAKE CARE OF. >> YOU'LL BE FINE, JUST DO
SOMETHING ELSE. >> BUT ALL I KNOW IS RICE.
WHITE RICE. BROWN RICE.
WILD RICE. YELLOW RICE.
FOUR CHEESE. BASMATI.
>> LOOK, IT'S NOT PERSONAL. IT'S JUST WE HAVE TO CLEAN
HOUSE. >> COME ON, NOW.
WE KNOW WHITE PEOPLE DON'T CLEAN THEY OWN HOUSE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH, YOU'RE TALKING TO
SLAVES. >> THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
WE CAN'T WORK, HOW COME THE ALLSTATE GUY GETS TO WORK?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> NOW WAIT A COTTON PICKING
MINUTE, UNCLE BEN. [ LAUGHTER ]
OH, I KNEW YOU'D SELL ME OUT. >> IT AIN'T PERSONAL, SON.
BUT WE GETTING FIRED, YOU SHOULD BE GETTING FIRED TOO.
>> YEAH. FIRE ALLSTATE GUY TOO.
>> STOP CALLING ME ALLSTATE GUY. [ LAUGHTER ]
I HAVE A NAME. IT'S "GUY FROM WAITING TO
EXHALE." [ LAUGHTER ]
>> WELL, WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS, YOU'RE GETTING FIRED TOO.
>> I'M NOT EVEN A FOOD PRODUCT. I SELL SECURITY.
MY DEEP BLACK VOICE MAKES WHITE PEOPLE FEEL SAFE.
[ LAUGHTER ] THEY'RE LIKE IN GOOD HANDS.
>> THAT MAY BE SO, BUT YOU'RE STILL BLACK, AND IT'S BETTER TO
BE SAFE THAN SORRY. >> BUT I'M A REAL PERSON.
THESE ARE MERE CHARACTERS. IF ANYTHING, WHY DON'T YOU FIRE
COUNT CHOCULA. HOW COME HE'S STILL WORKING,
HUH? >> BUT I'M NOT EVEN BLACK, I'M
MADE OF CHOCOLATE. >> LIKELY STORY.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. THESE STREETS IS GOING TO EAT
YOU ALIVE, YOU CHOCOLATY NIGGER. >> DON'T CALL ME THAT!
>> IF HE'S CHOCOLATE, I'M CHOCOLATE TOO.
>> YEAH, I'M CHOCOLATE TOO. >> I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WANT TO
CALL YOURSELF, YOU'RE ALL FIRED. >> NO, I'M ACTUALLY CHOCOLATE,
I'M NOT BLACK AT ALL. >> RIDICULOUS.
ANOTHER LIKELY STORY. LOOK AT CHOCOLATY LIPS BEHIND
THEM FANGS. BIG OLD FAT LIPS.
SERIOUSLY. AMERICA, LOOK AT PETE DAVIDSON'S
LIPS. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] >> ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH,
YOU'RE ALL FIRED EXCEPT FOR ALLSTATE GUY.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> ALL RIGHT, PAL. WE'LL LEAVE.
BUT REMEMBER, YOU MADE A BIG MISTAKE.
>> UH-HUH. >> SEND IN THE LAND