-Now I thought I'd share some of my favorite
#myweirdroommate stories from you guys.
Here we go.
This first one is from @chrislilli.
He says, "I used to live with a guy"...
[ Audience groans ]
-[ Laughs ]
-Wow.
This one is from @MelLynn.
She says, "My roommate"...
[ Laughter and applause ]
Okay. Just terrified.
Okay.
This one is from @wyyyyyit.
-How many Y's?
-I think it's five Y's.
-W-h -- -W-y-y-y-y-y-i-t.
Wyyyyit. -Wyyyyit.
-She says, "I wanted to get out"...
[ Audience oohs ]
-Do you like piña coladas?
-[ Chuckles ]
-This next one's from @mahuls.
-Oh. Mahuls. -She said --
You know mahuls?
-Oh, mahuls. I love mahuls.
[ Laughter ]
-No, that's not the non-alcoholic beverage
that you drink. -Oh, it's not?
-That is O'Doul's. -Oh, that's O'Doul's.
Okay. I'm sorry. I love O'Doul's.
-Mahuls is a non-alcoholic bar.
-Non-alcoholic. [ Laughs ] -The whole bar, non-alcoholic.
That's actually a play land. It's a Gymboree.
-It's a Gymboree. -Gymboree for children.
Yeah, it's not even for adults. It's for children.
-The ball pit.
-It's a trampoline park.
-Yeah. -I don't want to get into it.
-Lot of lawsuits.
-[ Chuckles ] Lot of lawsuits.
Because there's no license.
-No, zero licensing. And it's filthy.
-Actually, it is a bar. It's a trampoline bar.
Anyways.
-Wait, it's a trampoline bar? -Anyways.
Yes, and there's a 6-foot pool in there, as well.
You could trampoline into the pool and drink.
It's awful. They should close it down.
I've been saying, "Please close mahuls."
[ Laughter ]
I've always said that.
-Oh, you've always said that. You have that tattoo.
-This is -- I do.
I never get to see it.
-No, you can't see it. -That's the only --
That's the problem. -[ Laughing ] Yeah.
-That's why I can't sleep at night.
I can't see most of my tattoos.
-You should get a mirror that's a double mirror
so you can see yourself in the mirror backwards
so you can read your tattoos.
You know what I'm saying?
-Yeah, I think.
But I'm a vampire, so I can't even --
I don't have a reflection. -Oh, I forgot.
I forgot. -I don't have a reflection.
You don't understand what -- -You're Count Dracula Jr.
-[ As Sara ] You don't even understand what my life is like.
[ Laughter and applause ]
You don't understand what my life is like!
Vampire with tattoos.
[ Normal voice ] All right. This is from @mahuls.
-Oh. [ Laughter ]
She says, "My roommate would"...
Oh, God! -Oh!
That's that.
Uh, I'm missing, uh, singles 7 through 10.
[ Laughter ] -Did anybody eat those?
-Anyone hungry?
That's what I thought.
[ Laughter ]
Someone's eating my cheese.
-We're going to mahuls.
-We are going to mahuls. Meet me there if you want to.
Well, that's my last name.
-Yeah. -Oh, can you get us in?
No cover charge?
-For three Kraft singles.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Chuckles ] Because we're three crafty singles.
And a little cheesy.
[ Laughter and applause ]
All right. Let's just go.
[ Mumbles ]
-Come on!
♪♪
Oh, his tattoo is acting up.
Walking across the stage.
Waving goodbye.
♪♪
Oh, my gosh!
You're taping this whole episode.
-No, this is --
[ Laughter ]
Alexa, reco--
Alexa, record the To--
[ Thud ]
Uh, it wasn't Alexa.
It's felt tape.
Hey, this next one.
-Who is it from?
-This is from @paisleee.
-Oh, I love her.
[ Laughter ]
-She says, "There was a fire"...
[ Laughter and applause ]
All right.
Are you November? [ Chuckles ]
[ Light laughter ]
Fireman calendar.
Okay.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Fireman calendar reference, right?
Classic bit. -November.
-Jimmy names the fireman calendars.
[ Laughs ]
-You see, on calendars --
-Mr. November. That's what I meant to say.
This one's from @brianricci.
He says, "Every time my roommate"...
[ Laughs ]
No?
"I get it. Do you get it?"
"No." "I don't get it either."
-"Do you think it's funny?"
-This last one is from @mmmargolies.
-[ Laughs ]
[ Laughter ]
-M.M. -M.M.
-M.M. Margolies.
-M&M.
[ Light laughter ]
-[ As Mahna Mahna ] Mah-nay mah-nem.
-♪ M.M. Margolies ♪
-Mah-nay mah-nem. -♪ Margolies, too ♪
-Mah-nay mah-nem. -♪ Margoo, Margolies ♪
♪ Margolies, Margolies ♪
♪ We're going to drink at mahuls ♪
-[ Scatting ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] This last one's from @mmmargolies.
He says, "Once, I couldn't figure out"...
There you go.
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