-Hot crowd. Hot New York City crowd tonight.
Guys, speaking of New York, did you hear that --
I just saw the Knicks fired their head coach this week?
-Whoo! -I heard, yeah!
-Yeah. You did hear it, ma'am? Thank you.
[ Laughter ] -She heard.
-Knicks fans were shocked. They were like, "We had a coach?
[ Laughter ] "What was he doing?"
I want to say congratulations to Khloe Kardashian,
who gave birth to a baby girl yesterday.
[ Cheers and applause ]
The baby has 10 fingers, 10 toes,
and 10 million Instagram followers.
It's very -- Yeah, already. [ Cheers and applause ]
-That's sweet. -Hey, guys, Tuesday is tax day,
which means you've got just three days left
to either send in your taxes or become President of America.
So it's --
[ Cheers and applause ]
That's right. Tax day is coming up.
What's nice about tax day is whether you're getting
a refund or not, we're all going to go out and get drunk
and buy something we don't need. It's just perfect.
[ Cheers and applause ]
"I don't need it."
The deadline for filing your taxes is on Tuesday,
and a lot of Americans still haven't even gotten started yet.
So here with last-minute tips on doing your taxes
from the independent financial consulting firm,
Bream and Hackett, here's Mark Bream.
Thank you for being here, Mark. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Thank you, Jimmy. Nice to be here.
-Now, Mark, April 17th is right around the corner.
What are tips you have for people who still
haven't started their taxes this late in the game?
-That's a good question, Jimmy. Eh, don't worry about it.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm sorry. What? -Yeah.
Don't worry about doing your taxes.
[ Laughter ]
-What are you talking about? -Yeah, you know.
Don't do 'em. Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-Right. Right. What do you mean, don't do your taxes?
Just don't do them? -Yeah. Don't do 'em.
You're good. [ Laughter ]
-Good? But if you don't file your taxes,
don't you risk getting in trouble?
-Nah, you're good. [ Laughter ]
-I'm sorry. I'm just a little unclear here.
Do you guys have some sort of system or process
for helping people with their taxes?
-Oh, yes, we do, Jimmy. Step one, yeah...
[ Laughter ]
Step two...
[ Laughter ] -I'm so sorry, Mark.
Can you please explain yourself further?
I think we're all a little unclear here.
-Well, Jimmy, we here at Bream and Hackett have found
over the years that we don't really understand taxes at all.
[ Laughter ] Like, we don't get them.
Like, we don't know what a 1040 is or W-2 or W-4
or why there's a "W." [ Laughter ]
Like, we heard the phrase "estimated tax,"
but we have no clue what it means.
Like, like, we've heard about FICA,
but we just think it's the name of someone's dog.
[ Laughter ] Like, we get pizza and we get
chairs but we don't get taxes, you know?
Like we don't necessarily -- -All right, Mark, Mark,
I get it. I get it. You don't get it,
but I have to ask, I mean, how are you able to be
a financial consultant if your advice is just
to not to do your taxes? I mean, who are your clients?
-Donald Trump. -Ah!
[ Laughter and applause ] Thank you.
Mark Bream, everybody. Mark Bream.
-Ah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Guys, listen to this. I heard about a new bowl
with a built-in wall that goes between your milk
and your cereal so the cereal doesn't get soggy.
[ Audience oohs ] Or as one guy put it...
[ Imitating Trump ] "The cereal should make the milk
pay for that wall."
[ Laughter ] "No way."
[ Cheers and applause ]
Get this. Police in Argentina are in trouble for losing
over 1,000 pounds of marijuana and then saying
the weed was eaten by mice. [ Laughter ]
Meanwhile, there's totally a mouse out there like,
"I need cheese, bruh."
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Speaking of animals, I read that the green-haired turtle has
officially been added to the endangered species list.
Have you -- this is a real thing.
Have you seen the green-haired turtle?
Take a look at this thing. It's real.
[ Laughter ]
Pretty crazy. Well, I guess it's been feeling depressed
about being endangered,
so other animals are trying to cheer it up.
Here's what some of them had to say.
First, this blobfish said...
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
And this next animal said..."
[ Laughter and applause ]
And finally, this monkey said...
-Oh! [ Laughter and applause ]
[ Laughs ] Oy!
-I heard that scientists say there's currently a giant hole
on the surface of the sun,
but it's probably nothing to worry about.
Anyway, happy Friday the 13th, everybody. And...
[ Laughter and applause ]
And finally this week, President Trump said that
Robert Mueller's investigation is the reason America and Russia
have bad blood.
Trump's actually been talking a lot about bad blood.
Bad blood, a lot. So I'll show you what I mean. Watch this.
-♪♪ 'Cause, baby, now we've got bad blood ♪♪
♪♪ You know it used to be mad love ♪♪
♪♪ Take a look what you've done ♪♪
♪♪ 'Cause, baby, now we've got bad blood, hey ♪♪
-We have a great show tonight. Give it up for The Roots!